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I hope the powers-that-be will allow me to go completely off topic for this one time, because as school is starting for the year, my mind is much more on being a teacher right now than it is on being a food blogger. Since so many women read the Blogher site, it seems like the perfect forum for my thoughts on parent teacher-communication.
Every family has secrets, things you don't necessarily want other people to know. When your child has a new teacher, as a parent you may be unsure of how many of those secrets you should share with the teacher. As a teacher with 27 years of experience, here's my advice: Tell the teacher absolutely everything about your family that will help her or him understand your child and be able to communicate better with that child. Even if the secrets are embarassing, past history, or subjects you'd like to forget, tell the teacher. This is especially important in the elementary school setting, where kids have the same teacher for most of the day.
Every year at back-to-school night I give parents a form to fill out that asks three questions:
1. What are the strengths of your child?
2. What things in school are most challenging for your child?
3. Is there anything about your family that it would be helpful for me to know in dealing with your child?
Truthfully, the first two questions are things I could figure out myself with time. The information I really need is in the third question. Possibly it's because I've been at the same school for a long time where I'm a much beloved teacher, and I've earned the trust of parents, but people do tell me some incredible things.
Already this year I've had parents tell me how death, divorce, or abuse has affected their child. I have one student who is currently being raised by a grandmother because his mother is in treatment for drug abuse. I have a girl in my class who is terrified of getting in trouble and will become upset if the whole child is punished for something. Three parents shared that their child feels "dumb" even though these kids are average students or better. These are only the ones that come quickly to mind.
Possibly the hardest secret a parent ever had to tell me was when a mother told me that her "daughter" was actually the offspring of a woman her husband had an affair with, and when that woman turned out to be an unfit parent, this mother agreed to adopt the child. Imagine how knowing that helped me to understand the family dynamics this child was dealing with. I was honored that the parent trusted me with such a secret.
Having the power to shape the life of a child is the most rewarding thing about being a teacher. I've already been empowered this year by the secrets parents have entrusted me with. If I know that a child feels "dumb" I can easily remark "You're so smart" when they answer correctly. If I know a student is afraid of getting in trouble, when I need to discipline the class it's easy for me to look directly at her and say "Now I know that some of you are not the ones who are doing this." And knowing that a student has suffered death, abuse, or a divorce in the family allows me to factor that information into every interaction I have with that child.
There's so much to be gained by being open and honest with your child's teacher. You're trusting them with the well-being of your children, so trust them a little bit more and share information about your family dynamics that will help them understand that child a little better.
Contributing editor Kalyn Denny cooks and blogs about it in Kalyn's Kitchen when she isn't trying to impart valuable knowledge to 29 fourth graders in Bountiful, Utah.
