- Share This Post
- submit
- 14
-
Sparkle (0)
I don't believe that anyone has ever accused me of being particularly easygoing. I can be... well... a little persnickety, perhaps? I had lots of ideas about parenting before I actually became a mother, and yes, many of those concepts have been well-tempered by reality. Ahem. But one thing hasn't changed: I cannot stand it when a kid has poor manners.
As the saying goes, life is what happens while you're making other plans. So imagine my shock and surprise when---amidst the rather busy summer I'm having here with my children---I looked around and discovered that my children's manners had disappeared. Poof! Gone! My once-polite children had, seemingly overnight, forgotten how to conduct themselves. How did this happen?
Well, I had to take a good hard look at myself when I had this realization. I had been letting "little" things slip, here and there. Maybe I was busy, maybe I was tired; regardless, small transgressions pave the way for larger infractions. The end result was two unpleasant, back-talking, selfish children who appeared to have been raised by wolves.
I was mortified. And I told them so. I also told them that I was accepting a heaping share of the blame along with them, because clearly I had fallen down on my Mom duties. "Things are going to change around here," I told them, as they exchanged worried glances with each other.
Come over to my house now, and be prepared for a foray into boot camp. As I told my kids: When things are this far gone, the best and quickest way to fix them is to do absolutely everything by the book. "But---" they tried to argue. No buts. Once they have proven to me that they can control their behavior appropriately---speak respectfully to me and each other, exhibit courtesy for those around them, eat a meal that utilizes silverware and napkins as needed, participate appropriately in the family chores with the spirit of giving (or at least a squelching of the whining; I'll settle for that)---then I will loosen the reins a bit. Perhaps.
But I have to confess: There may not be a reprieve. I love this. Yes Ma'am. No Ma'am. May I please be excused. Pardon me. No thank you. Yes please; thank you very much.
All I need to do, now, (a few weeks into the new regime) is say "Excuse me?" or even raise an eyebrow, and the "just a minute" or "can I just" is transformed into a "Yes Ma'am." For my part, I am making an effort to compliment them on their conduct as often as I can without making too big a deal out of what I expect them to do for its own sake.
And you know what I'm noticing? As we are all being more mindful of our language (myself included; I am definitely benefiting from this "training" as well!), our behavior is following suit. And as a family, we are enjoying one another more. Words have power. What we do can shape what we say, but what we say can absolutely shape what we do, too.
After an exciting afternoon out, yesterday, we returned home and I asked my daughter to take something up to her room and put it away. She opened her mouth to argue, then closed it again.
"Yes Ma'am," she said, primly. (If you knew my daughter, you'd know how hard it is not to laugh when she manages prim.) She started to walk past me on her errand, then turned on her heel and came back and hugged me. "Thank you for taking us to the planetarium," she said, before pulling back and heading away on her mission.
"You're very welcome," I called after her. "It was so much fun, and I'm so proud of how well-behaved you and your brother were." Her little chest puffed up just a bit, and I couldn't resist adding, "Isn't EVERYTHING more fun when we're all so nice to each other?"
She paused on the stairs to consider this. "Yes," she said. "But Mama," she turned and I could see the familiar twinkle in her eye. "You're still wrong, sometimes." I laughed, and so did she.
"Yup, I'm still wrong sometimes. That's called being human. But you still have to follow my rules for a while, anyway."
"YES MA'AM!" she called out amidst giggles, as she ran up the stairs.
Mir
[image courtesy of Child Magazine]
BlogHer Contributing Editor Mir also blogs at Woulda Coulda Shoulda and Want Not.
