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I am a mom, a wife and a daughter. I am a writer, a volunteer, and a soccer mom. I am a Suburban dwelling housewife that drinks too much coffee and laughs at jokes that are rather inappropriate. I am also a drug addict. (What did she just say?) Yes, I am a recovering drug addict. If you met me, you wouldn’t know it by talking to me or just hanging out with me. I am more than 6 years clean. I have a nice home in a nice neighborhood with good friends. I am just like you, but so much not like you.
I won’t preach the 12 steps to you because they don’t work for everyone. They did, however, save my life. The point there is that the scariest and yet bravest moves anyone can make is to say, “I am powerless over my addiction.? They are the hardest words to say, let alone think. But as any addict will tell you, it is essential to make that first terrifying leap of faith.
Before I checked into treatment, I was told by more than one person to “Just quit? and it will be over. That is pretty much like telling a frightened child who has had a nightmare to “Just not be scared? because in that moment, that little one needs help, reassurance that she will be okay and the loving hands of support. It is the same with anyone recovering from an addiction that has taken over their life.
I used to convince myself I was not an addict because I was a Suburban Mom in a good community who was the stereotypical image of "Suburban Housewife" complete with my 2.5 kids and a minivan. "Addicts" are dirty, mean, nasty little creatures who shoot up or snort or would lie, steal or kill to get a fix. They aren't in the PTA. Guess what? WRONG. We are sitting beside you in churches. We are standing in line with you in the grocery store. We may even be playing with our kids at the park laughing with you. And if we are blessed enough to be recovering, you may never know it.
Unless we tell you.
Which I just did.
I am not alone in traveling this horrifically difficult path. After speaking on BlogHer ‘06’s Outreach Blogging Panel, I met several other women who have been down this road or are going down it now. We are not alone and we are not obvious. Part of the reason we don’t make it public is the judgment. Not the judgment that we have struggled, but the judgment of every movement you make after you are clean and sober. If you are not acting a certain way, something must be wrong. If you are not the person someone feels you should be, then you must not be okay and need help. It isn’t fair, but after a while in recovery, you learn to ignore those who are ignorant of who you really are and cling to those who “get it? and “get you? and the situation.
It is not always easy to blog about addiction. Actually, very rarely is it easy to blog about addiction. Whereas we do get support, we get that judgment as well.
But it is so important that you know that we are out there. It takes courage to talk about it. Especially as mothers. There are repercussions when you mention something like addiction and tie it into motherhood. I have been so lucky to be able to meet and talk to Jen of < a href="http://stayathomemotherdom.clubmom.com">Stay at Home Motherdom. She blogs in a community set up for mothers to network. A majority of them are most likely mothers looking for advice on things the “average? mother has questions about. But, Jen, in all her bravery stepped out of her comfort zone and blogged about her addiction in a 5 part post and continues to be open and honest when talking about her addiction. (She was indeed featured earlier here on BlogHer, but I want to show you the side from the mother’s perspective.)
We have shame:
“I am ashamed. I am ashamed that someone from the adoption community took it upon themselves to report my alcoholism to my agency thus creating a bigger controversy than needed to happen.
