- Share This Post
- Pin It
- 18
-
Sparkle (0)
Since I became a mother over seven years ago, I've been called a lot of things related to my parental status -- Forever mom. Adoptive mom. Mean mom (yeah, you know that one was from PunditGirl).
I've always hated labels, but I've never been able to figure out why our media insist on branding families -- step-sisters, half-brothers, foster children. What is gained by describing families in these terms, other than to divide or to suggest that one type of family relationship is better than another?
For me, families are families. But there is clearly something up with society in terms of wanting or needing to define people by the degree of blood relations they have -- as if not having a genetic connection makes people less of a family.
But the one that really took the Mother's Day cake was this weekend when NBC and Teleflora hosted what I think is an incredibly silly show called, "America's Favorite Mom." Among the various categories was one that was apparently designed to encompass people like me -- a mother by adoption -- as well as other women who are parents of children who are not related to them by blood.
The classy title they came up with?
It took me a while before I could actually sit down to write this piece because I had to wait for the steam to stop coming out of my ears.
One of the "non-moms/adoptive moms" is described as having a child "of her own" and six "meth babies." Do I even have to start explaining all the ways this is wrong??
While PunditGirl became a part of our family by adoption and not as a result of some of the more fun ways of creating a family, I am not her "adoptive" mom.
I AM HER MOM! Period.
By law and by love, in all ways, I am her mother and that will never change. Even if she is lucky enough to someday find her birth mother -- or as we call her, "China mom" -- I am the one who loves her, cares for her and is legally responsible for her, just as parents of biological children are.
But for some reason, there is rampant yet subtle prejudice in our society against non-biological family relationships. Friends, media and even relatives can't get past calling families like mine something different. As if by calling us "adoptive" families makes biological families better -- read: real.
Don't believe me? Check out what one of my favorite adoption writers, Dawn from this woman's work, has to say about the NBC/Teleflora mom snafu:
Adopted kids — and the adults they grow up into, although in the eyes of the world they’re always adopted children — just aren’t as “real” as people who get to grow up in their families of origin. The only reason non-mom would ever bother me (because honestly I don’t give a damn what people call me) is that it’s indicative of the disrespect that society has about our kids.
Take this a step further -- why is there even a need for a separate mom category? Is it because "adoptive moms" aren't military moms? Or single moms? Or working moms? Or CEO moms? Garden Variety Family blog wonders, at what point we'll stop with the silly categories:
How about a category for artificially inseminated moms, fertility drugged up moms or moms who have had children via embryo sorting/gender selection? Why [does] my route to parenthood need to be aired as something that doesn't make me a mom?
Sure, NBC and Teleflora said they were sorry when the uproar got loud enough -- if you can call what they issued an actual apology:
After closer examination, we can see how this may have been offensive to moms who have adopted children -- moms who are indeed real moms to their children in every sense of the word. In fact, many of us at Teleflora are 'adopting' parents ourselves, including our president and owner.
Insensitivity? That's a pretty big understatement. Stereotypical insult would be more like it.
In an E-mail message to me, Amie at Mamma Loves ... wrote:
My mom is my mom. I have never once qualified her status in my life. She is not my "adopting" mom or my "adoptive" mom or any other BS. SHE IS MY MOM.
And I am my son's
