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Sex is very distracting. More specifically, a life without sex is extremely distracting. There's no doubt in my mind that part of my intense feelings of "Bye, bye 2008; don't let the door hit you on the way out" have one whole heck of a lot to do with the extreme lack of sex in my past year. There was directing, there was friendship, there was tons of fun and learning, there were various ups and downs, but what there wasn't, was sex.
So when I read articles and columns like Dennis Prager's rather absurd, When a Woman Isn't in the Mood: Part 1 and Part 2, or this article on Web MD, The Sex-Starved Wife, my mind just boggles. I mean, mentally I understand that people have physical dysfunctions, and having kids exhausts you, and relationship problems often manifest in the bedroom. But in my daily, single, 37-year-old life, I'm pretty sure I give your average adolescent a run for the money when it comes to sexual preoccupation.
In the past decade it's difficult for me to remember a time - whether I was in a relationship or not - when my response to sex wasn't more, more, more! I mean, unless you've already done it three times in a row, and you're both like, OK, Where's the pizza?
But I have certainly read various blog posts by people - often married people - not in my same boat. And so, to get a little perspective, I thought I'd see what I could find out in the blogosphere. And as much as I'm being flippant about my own situation, I have to warn you, these posts are pretty heart-wrenching.
Here's a post from Constance at Apt. B: it's terminal (ew, gross post about sex):
Hello all! My name is Constance, and I have a shameful secret. It is: I don't want to have sex every day.
:(
I know, it's very sad. I am ashamed. But it gets worse! I don't even want to have sex every other day.
In fact, I probably could get by without it indefinitely. I have found that the more I have it, the more I want it... but wanting it the initial time seems to be my weak point.
Now, this seems at first to be a simple frequency problem, but really, there's a lot more going on, which she shares, and surely needs to go to counseling to deal with. What I never understand when I read posts like this, is how you have a relationship, get married, and have kids when you have severe sexual dysfunction going in.
I read posts like this and remind myself that if there's already sexual problems in the relationship, the answer to "will you marry me" is NO.
But what if you don't have sex before marriage? It's nothing I would do, for precisely these reasons, but many people do have religious beliefs and do find themselves with a nasty sexual surprise once they're married.
Blogging anonymously on The Experience Project, Surprised writes: Newly Married Without Sex. Wow, this is a depressing topic.
During the first couple of months of marriage, we had sex twice a month, then every ten days, then every month, and now he has an ED. This was a shock for me, I thought that at least in the honeymoon, we would be intimate all the time and have sex everday. Is this wrong?
The biggest problem here is, that her new husband won't go to therapy. He's also somehow trying to get her pregnant by doling out sex twice a month. Commenters on The Experience Project are recommending divorce, and I have to say I'm with them. She seems to be in a very bad situation, and I do hope that she can extricate herself.
Now, those two posts are pretty dramatic, but what about married peeps who are simply too tired? I mean, you get married, you have kids, and it happens, right? Well, they've talked about it over at MomLogic: Married Women Hate Sex:
Sexless marriage: Millions of moms are in one, yet it's taboo to talk about it. Momlogic asked 2,500 married women to reveal the dirty details about their sex lives after marriage and we were shocked by what we found--half found sex to be a depressing, embarrassing or a hassle! PLUS: Three moms and a deprived husband share their stories of sexless marriage. AND: Expert advice for spicing up your relationship.
I do love a post with web video and great information. Check it out,
