Note To Self On The Eve Before Ava
This was inspired by Melissa over at Dear Baby. Essentially, what would you tell yourself if you could pass along some wisdom right before becoming a mother for the first time? Here is what I would tell me.
Hey kiddo, I'm sorry there is no easy way to say this, but you are about to need a c-section. Ava is in what they call a frank breech position, which means booty down, ankles to ears. You are 2 centimeters dilated and 80% effaced at 38 weeks and yes, those are mild contractions you are feeling. The doc does not want you to go into active labor. Oh, and Ava is two ounces shy of 10 pounds. Wait, wait, don't panic! Ava will be healthy and lovely and even though her tiny hips will be an issue for a while, you both will be FINE.
You are going to have trouble breastfeeding. Lots of trouble. A nurse is going to hurt your feelings and make you feel terrible about this, and it will affect you for a long time but listen to me: fuck her. You will make the right decision for Ava.
You are going to miss your own mother so much that it will be a physical pain in your throat and in your heart. You will be so furious that she is dead and that you cannot call her for advice, for comfort, for a laugh that you will feel like you are literally suffocating. This still happens. This will always happen. You and I will just breathe our way through it. Just breathe.
The first year will fly by. Stay in the moment; this will only happen once.
You believe that your husband is the best man you have ever known and that he will be an excellent father. He proves it.
All of it, all of it, will be so wondrous, so overwhelming, so hard yet so rewarding that you will do it two more times. But that is another conversation.