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Ours is a multicultural household. I am from the U.S. and my husband was born and raised in India. He has been here for 12 years now and is a very adaptable person. While he has definitely maintained a distinctly Indian perspective on many things, he has also become pretty Americanized. By and large, the fact that we were raised in different cultures doesn’t pose too much of an issue in our relationship or how we parent. Sure, we have our moments, but nothing too overwhelming.
There is, however, a funny difference that keeps popping up. It’s a little thing called competitiveness. It surfaced for the first time soon after our daughter was born. My husband’s parents had come to be with us after the birth of their first grandchild. My mother-in-law was holding our daughter and oohing and ahhing as grandmothers (or ammas) do. My husband leaned over our daughter and said “You are soooo beautiful. You’re our little Miss America!” His mother quickly corrected him with a wag of her finger, “Noooo! She’s our little Miss Universe!” I giggled and thought it was sweet. I had no idea that it was just the beginning.
We enrolled our daughter in swim lessons this past summer. She was only 13 months old at the time, so the lessons consisted of me and other parents holding our babies in the water and encouraging them to blow bubbles, paddle their arms and legs, and get comfortable with being in the water. It was fun but, ya know, babies can only do just so much, After our first lesson, my husband asked how the class had gone. I filled him in by telling him what our daughter had done during the class and a few anecdotes from her interactions with the other babies. I could tell by the look on his face that he was clearly hoping for more information. “Was she a stronger swimmer than the other babies?” he asked. I paused for a moment, gave a nervous laugh, then realized that he was serious. He really wanted to know if our year-old daughter was the best swimmer in the class. “Are you joking?” I asked. He gave me a smile. “Well, she is a very strong baby. I bet she was at the top of the class, wasn't she?” Part of him was joking but a part of him was wasn't. There have been many, many other exchanges like this since then.
Apparently the Indian culture is quite competitive. When I pressed my husband for reasons behind this, he gave me the answer that I had expected: too many people, too few things, opportunities, spots in good schools, etc. That makes sense to me. The thing is, I am not a very competitive person. Sure, I was competitive in high school sports, but I just don’t get all worked up about trying to be better than someone else. My parents were supportive and loving , but I don’t really ever remember them encouraging me to be competitive. I’m sure they must have somewhere along the line. But, if I don’t remember, it must have not happened very often. I won’t comment on whether or not that is a good thing. It just is. To be sure, India doesn't have a lock on competitiveness. I know people who grew up in homes here in the U.S. that fostered a very competitive spirit. Every family has its own culture.
This difference makes for some really interesting exchanges between my husband and me. I listen in awe of stories of stiff competition from his elementary school days and he shakes his head in disbelief over the “everyone is a winner” culture that has become a part of modern America. I think we balance each other out pretty well. Some of his competitiveness has rubbed off on me, just as my more laid back approach has mellowed him out a bit. I think between the two of us we should do okay with our daughter.
When it comes right down to it, we are all from different cultures. Whether we come from different countries, families, religions, or whatever, we all have different experiences that shape us. One of life's biggest challenges (and rewards) lies in finding a way to relate to one another.
