Noticing the Good and The Bad

I've started teaching a class at the college level on Saturdays.  The class was set up quickly which left me no time to plan ahead.  The result is that every week I have to find some time away from the family to do my thinking and concentrating.  I went to restaurants for a couple weeks and enjoyed a beer and a meal, but that wasn't too conducive to saving money nor losing weight.

This last Friday we went to a fundraising event, put the kids to bed late and then I stayed up to get pretty much everything done for the class the next morning.  Once I'm working, I generally enjoy it.  My focus is pretty good and I'm often surprised at how much time has gone by.

However, my focus gets interrupted by exciting ideas or new thoughts or right brain creativity and then I stand up and do the walk through the kitchen.  I look for something to eat to take back to my spot on the sofa so I begin gettting focused again.  I caught myself doing this.

And I didn't care!

I looked in the cabinets, in the fridge, in the freezer, in the drawer.  And I swear we had nothing tasty to eat.  I put my nose right into the plastic Jack-O-Lantern that held the kids' candy and I breathed in that glorious Halloween candy smell.  But thankfully I didn't really want sugars or candy.  I wanted something warm and savory.  I put bread in the toaster oven with the intention of melting cheese on it, but I burnt the toast.  

I reached for a carrot and ate a carrot.  A carrot. 

I planned to pop popcorn once my husband went to bed, but then it seemed too difficult and time consuming so I took out an apple.  An apple!

The carrot and the apple were good things.  I was a bit amazed that I had them.  Of course, I wasn't hungry at all that night, but I really was working with the mindset that I am doing something that takes extra effort and so a special treat is okay.  That, coupled with the pattern of using food to sit and focusm makes for dangerous territiory.

But I weathered through.

And then Sunday as I sat on the sofa reading a book while the kids napped, I got up and pulled out some Teddy Grahams that we had acquired and ate much more than a handful.  I ate almost half.  Very hard to imagine that they have any calories at all because they seem so crispy and light and borderline healthy as far as junk snacks go.  Alas - they do.  And even if they didn't, I found ways to take in more calories by helping myself to a big whopping second helping of Coffee Heath Bar Crunch ice cream.

This weekend did not highlight my best efforts.  We ate out and I got full.  We ate at home and I got full.  "Full" does not mean a good thing, but rather a stuffed kind of sensation.  Not my best, but then again - not my worst.

Up this morning at 6:05 to go to the gym and I did the workout and got sweaty and built up some muscles.  I did two sets of 12 pushups and felt much stronger than months ago during the first set.  The second set I pretty much cheated and didn't go down very far at all, but even so...I'm getting a bit stronger.

And Mondays for me are generally good Get-Things-Done kinds of days.  I went to they gym, paid bills, set up appointments, took care of mileage plus issues and ran errands.  (Where were the kids during all this?  Playing quietly with puzzles!  I SO lucked out).  And now, if I go downstairs and get one more task I don't want to do done, then I will feel so much better and ready to conquer more things.

But what to eat?!!!  I'm gonna break out My Fitness Pal and record what's entered my body.  To a good focused week I hope so that I can fall apart again in the future.



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