Couples
Nutrition, Diet, and Relationships: Are they mutually exclusive?
by Suzanne Reisman

Almost five years ago to the day, I was interviewed for an article written by Mary Lynn F. Jones for The Chicago Tribune about couples who lost weight together. Mostly, I talked about how my husband and I encouraged one another to go to the gym by going together, but I also mentioned that we changed our eating habits together as well. Let's face it: if one person is eating cake for dinner, it's pretty hard for the other to resist a bite (or two or three or their own slice).

In fact, when the article appeared in 2004, my husband and I had already lost a combined 80 pounds over the previous five years through a combination of healthier eating and exercising. Over the subsequent five years, we've more or less maintained that weight loss by continuing our efforts to eat healthier and exercise. When it comes to nutrition, I found that it helps to be on the same page as the person with whom I most frequently dine.

In the early days, I was much better at maintaining efforts to eat better. My husband worked obnoxious hours at an investment bank, which often required him to order dinner in and eat it at his desk. He often ordered with co-workers, who tended to be other recent college grads with no interest in eating roast chicken. Left to my own devices for dinner, I found that I could better control the food that entered the refrigerator, and therefore began to avoid buying fatty or excessively caloric foods. (Also, I should clarify that as New Yorkers, cooking is not something we were familiar with. Our first apartment actually had a kitchen with no stove or oven, and it didn't phase me in the least. All I needed was the microwave to heat up my frozen foods, and the toaster over worked well for any other meals I "prepared.")

When my husband left investment banking, we found that he not only had more time to exercise, but that he could also better control what he ate. Unfortunately, he also seemed to not have a good sense of nutrition. After the gym, he'd go to the deli and buy two cinnamon raisin bagels with cream cheese for dinner. When I suggested that perhaps this was not the wisest choice, he regarded me with disdain. "It's better than what I used to eat." He found it odd, however, that he worked out harder than I did but didn't manage to lose much weight. Finally, he realized it was diet.

Yes, diet. While I cut back on pastas (especially ones with rich sauces - I don't think I've had fettucini alfredo in over a decade), beef, and dessert, he hadn't made the right adjustments. Once he did, though, the weight came off. We both ate more fresh fish for dinner, snacked on fruit and yogurt, and ate cereals that we high in fiber. We reinforced each other's positive shopping habits, and discussed which items on the menu were the best choices when we went out to eat. My main diet was to eat a high fiber cereal for breakfast, a banana for a mid-morning snack, a turkey sandwich and yogurt for lunch, a granola bar for an afternoon snack, and salmon or chicken for dinner during the week. On weekends, I could indulge in whatever I wanted. My husband more or less followed the same plan. Things were good for years.

Then I discovered that I had a slightly increased level of insulin resistance as a result of another condition that I have. As diabetes runs in my family, the doctor sent me to a nutritionist who designed a low carb, low fat diet for me. A diet that was utterly unsustainable for me. After diligently following the diet for about a month, I was starving and miserable. Bananas, a snack that I loved, were out. So were granola bars. I didn't eat much pasta anyway, but now that it was essentially banned along with dessert, I wanted it more than ever. I fell off the bandwagon with a vengeance, although my husband continued his eating habits.

Thus the last few years have been a bit of a roller coaster for me, but not my husband. His willpower in the face of my cupcake eating astounds me. He encourages me to eat better, but is not judgmental when I fail to do so. As a result of my poor eating choices (and going to the gym less), I've gained a few pounds back for the first time since I lost weight 8 years ago. Since a recent study indicated that diet impacts weight loss more than exercise, and I really need to eat fewer carbs for my pre-diabetic condition, I'm thinking of attempting the South Beach or Zone diet. My husband won't join a diet plan with me, but fortunately, I can count on his support - and desire to stay away from junk food himself - to help me through it.

Other stories about nutrition and couples:

If you have a partner, how does nutrition play out in your household?

Suzanne also blogs at Campaign for Unshaved Snatch (CUSS) & Other Rants. Her first book, Off the Beaten (Subway) Track, is about unusual things to see and do in New York City, which can involve a lot of healthy walking!

Submitted by Suzanne Reisman (view blog) on Tue, 01/13/2009 - 7:33am

Comments

 

My husband is a blessing...usually

because he'll eat pretty much anything I make. he also cooks and tries to keep away from meat and dairy for my sake. usually it's great and we are super supports for each other, but when we are out with friends for some reason he goes and orders a bacon cheeseburger and lets me flounder, trying to order something more healthy. i guess we all have our weak spots!

http://doesabodygood.blogspot.com

Submitted by Cherre on Tue, 01/13/2009 - 08:42
 

Just like you

We both like to eat healthy and exercise, and we encourage each other to do so. I know many women complain that they try to eat healthy but their husband "demand" meat and potatoes. It always baffles me, because I don't see why a man wouldn't wan to be healthy and live longer, and - as you say - you can always splurge on the weekend.

I think you should see a different nutritionist.

----

A Mommy Blogger and a Blogger For Hire

Submitted by Vered on Tue, 01/13/2009 - 16:52
 

ITA

 I think diet does play a major role in your life with your partner. I was a picky eater until I met my bf, then I put on weight (so did he!), so we did the South Beach Diet together and it really helps to have someone who has the same goal as you. 

Recently, my bf wanted to lose some weight but I didn't need to but I still went on the diet because it's just easier to cook the same for two, rather than two separate dishes. 

Love this post!

-

I blog at Lioness in Japan

~~there's wanderlust in my soul, pep in my step, and lotsa love for the big plan called Life~~

Submitted by luiyuming on Tue, 01/13/2009 - 18:22
 

We figured it out when we sorted out portion
sizes

My husband came from a house full of boys, and routinely would pile my plate with more than twice what I needed.  not that he made me clean my plate - i managed that all by myself.

Things also changed when he started riding to work every day - he needs way more carbs than me, and he's starving by dinner.  so i'll make him a baked potato with his dinner, and just fill my plate with salad.

or make a stew with dumplings, and leave the dumplings for him.  (mostly!)

 

 

I think I have a recipe for that...

Submitted by kazari on Tue, 01/13/2009 - 18:31
 

I love South Beach!

I promise you, the South Beach Diet works and you can eat a lot of very delicious food. You can even have pasta, rice, and bread after phase one if you make the right choices. I have heard that it's hard for people who don't really like to cook, but I like to cook so I'm probably not a good judge of that. (I do have a category on my blog for Easy South Beach recipes with five ingredients or less, sounds like that might work for you!)

I recommend go to a used book store and buy the book. You can probably get it for a couple of dollars, since it's been out so long. (The list of food choices are greatly expanded in the newer book, but you can get that later if you decide to try it.) When you read the book you'll understand why it works (especially for you, with the insulin issue) and why some foods are so much better than other.

I started phase one again January 1 (do that pretty much every year!) and have lost 7 pounds so far.

Kalyn Denny
Kalyn's Kitchen

Submitted by Kalyn Denny on Tue, 01/13/2009 - 18:55
 

You were my inspiration!

Once I read your email about it, I was inspired to try it. I've been thinking about it for two years, and I set Feb. 1 as my start date. And I got your kitchen magnet and love it! (It came while I was out of town, so I apologize for not thanking you sooner.)

Suzanne Reisman, Contributing Editor - Feminism & Gender
Campaign for Unshaved Snatch (CUSS) & Other Rants

Submitted by Suzanne Reisman on Tue, 01/13/2009 - 19:26
 

This might be helpful

Here's a post I wrote a couple of years ago about Getting Started on the South Beach Diet that might be helpful. And feel free to e-mail me if you have questions. It's really not that hard; and I'm guessing you'll be amazed at how great you will feel.

Kalyn Denny
Kalyn's Kitchen

Submitted by Kalyn Denny on Thu, 01/15/2009 - 07:42
 

Caring for Each Other

I think you're so right about making it happen together. To me it is about choosing to live as long and as well for each other because you love your life together.

Life is so much more fun doing positive things together that make you feel good than not.

All the best,

Belinda

Great Earring Holders - great presents and no more messy jewelry tangles!

Submitted by Creatively Belle on Thu, 01/15/2009 - 05:06
 

You're right, it's

You're right, it's definitely easier to watch what you're eating when you're the one doing the grocery shopping. Luckily for you, your husband isn't a big dessert eater and supports your eating habits. I'm sure that helps a LOT. :)

Personal blog: Zandria.us
BlogHer blog: Singles/Fitness

Submitted by Zandria on Fri, 01/16/2009 - 08:17
 

I grew up in a household

I grew up in a household with two athletes for parents and one where meals were structured, servings were precise, and nutrition was viewed as important.

Everything was bought fresh and largely cooked from scratch. I grew up on an island, so there was always plenty of fresh fish, which we generally enjoyed seared or as sashimi. McDonald's or any kind of fast food was an unbelievably rare treat--as were sweets. Even Coke, the one serious vice in the house, was consumed in moderation--usually we all shared a liter at dinner.

So all this groomed me into a pretty good eater. Even in the dangerous college days where a shortage of funding can make a 99 cent burger the choice meal, I stuck with veggies--frozen when I couldn't afford the fresh ones!

Then I met my husband.

I don't want to blame this on him, but I swear I had never had a Krispy Kreme doughnut in my life until I met him. I became addicted--I gained 16 pounds on doughnuts alone! Fortunately, I left for Peru shortly after and subsequently lost the extra weight on a more balanced diet of fresh, absolutely mind-blowingly good Nouvo-Andean cuisine.

But still, when I got back, he was still living in the Chocolate Factory. So first it was Krispy Kreme, then Kit Kats--I used to hate chocolate! But I was actually getting cravings the way I get nicotine cravings. It was absolutely insane--I was baking chocolate chip cookies in the middle of the night!

At some point, my husband realized we were doing something wrong. He decided to take control of his sweet tooth by embarking on the Abs Diet. He didn't ask me to join him, but his change in habits began to change my own, just as they had changed them before.

Our primate roots show here: we learn by mimicking behaviors. What people do around us is a huge influence, especially when we're trying to break established behavior patterns. So when it comes to breaking bad habits, the united front is always the best strategy.

Submitted by avflox on Tue, 01/20/2009 - 05:02