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Aries:
This week you will find meaning in cleaning. How? Well the only way to find real meaning in cleaning is to prioritise your chore list on an unconscious level. When you fall asleep late at night content that your dishwasher has been emptied, and the garbage brought to the curb: your dreamworld will be filled with images of you still doing housework. It’s like your day of housework never stopped. But don’t cry, wisdom and truth can be hidden in a nightmare. Your unconscious is cleaning house in order to help you release past negativity. It’s a way of cleaning up your psyche. So happy dreams; the dryer needs emptying again!
Taurus:
Taurus you're bored out of your mind. You're so tired of routines and bourgeoisie. That Moon-Sun conjunction coming up mid week in your 5th House makes you anxious to try something different. Here some ideas to keep you busy:
1. Go find missing people.
2. Find a priest and have a debate with them.
3. Speak Shakespearean all day long with your co workers even after they threaten to taketh thine ass off this mortal coil.
4. Glue everything you own to the ceiling.
5. Spank the monkey (an all time favourite activity for bored people).
Gemini:
You're really gonna be scared. When you're out and about, somewhere in your peripheral vision, you'll glimpse your doppelganger. It'll seem like a mirror reflection; but in fact it's your exact double. According to one of my neighbours she saw me in Cork Ireland, when I was in Canada! This scared me quite a bit and I immediately changed my hair colour to prevent the wrath of the doppelganger. It's said that if you ever come face to face with your body double one of you must die. So avoid death and other supernatural mishaps by tricking them with a dye job. If not, you could be killed and your double will snatch your body. Hope your hair looks great!
Cancer:
You have a bad case of the woulda coulda shoulda syndrome. You woulda coulda shoulda talked to your boss five years ago about that job opportunity in France, because if you did you could of hooked up again with that person you loved so much in Paris, and right now you would be living in a really chi-chi French neighbourhood with your five perfect children eating fresh baguettes everyday. LET IT GO. This will be the week to purge the memories of what could of been. You need to write out a list of every woulda coulda shoulda and shape that list into a little paper sailboat then send it out to sea. Some smart person once told me that the past is a foreign country we don't have the passport to visit. Au revoir.
Leo:
Okay Leo you're one sad pussy cat this week. What happened to the roar from the King of the Beasts? You just don't trust yourself to say the right things, and it's effecting your pride. I blame that Mercury retrograde because it's making you very unsure of yourself. But don't worry kitty-cat, you have a Virgo Moon-Virgo Sun conjunction mid week that will step on your tail and force a mighty roar out of you. I much prefer you noisy than not. A silent lion is a dangerous one.
Virgo:
Oh dear. I don't like that Mercury Retrograde moving backwards from your 2nd House into your 1st House. In my humble astrological opinion this can only lead to the early onset of dementia. Imagine every Virgo across the planet running stop signs and forgetting shopping lists. Does your town have an emergency plan? You'll remember faces, so that's comforting. You'll recognize that child who opens your door and walks into your house actually belongs to you. When I have my dementia days, I just nod and smile a lot. People don't give a damn if you remember what they say; they just want you to agree with them. Not to mention no one likes a grumpy amnesiac.
Libra:
Your friends are your life. You love being around a group of gabbers and the centre of all the buzz. Do you ever get confused between being everything to everyone and being yourself? There's a Moon-Sun conjunction coming up this week that will shake you right to your existential core. In between parties and coffees you'll find yourself obsessing over the question: Am I a fraud? If my friends knew who I really am would they still text me?
LOL OMG YGBKM TIAD H2CUS: Laugh out loud Oh my God you got