OFFICIAL BLOGHER '10 LIVEBLOG: Bringing Sex Out of the Closet
By nycsinglemom on August 06, 2010
BlogHer Original Post
Welcome to the liveblog of the BlogHer '10 panel: Personal: Bringing Sex Out of the Closet. Click here for more info.
Friday, August 6 at 2:45 pm and ends at 4 pm Eastern time.
Did you take sex ed in high school? Did your parents give you "the talk" when you were a kid? You're an adult now, and it's time to take matters into your own hands. (Sometimes literally!) Being a better businesswoman, partner and mother is easier when you have an emotionally healthy sex life. This session discusses how to engage the Internet to its fullest potential to meet your sexual needs.
Join moderator Twanna Hines, who blogs at FunkyBrownChick.com; AV Flox, who writes at Sex and the 405; Genia Stevens, who produces Sister Talk Radio; Mominatrix sex advice columnist, Kristen Chase; and BDSM blogger Tess Danesi, who blogs at Urban Gypsy, for a rousing and frank discussion about sex for smart women who want to improve their lives.
Initials are for the speakers:
For the moms in the group, how did you start writing about sex on your blog?
KC: I ended writing about sex through a persona and took me awhile to get comfortable within that persona. As a mom I don't reference my children in the column.
GS: I write under my own name. Very interesting as an out black lesbian. My kids don't read my FB page. I am candid with my kids. I definitely use all my teachable moments, safe sex/
TD: My daughter knows that I teach sexuality workshops, she is not thrilled by what I do but is accepting.
If you are exploring your sexuality online, are you anonymous, are you using your name online? How does it affect your work?
AV: We are all putting all out there and so we aren't hung up on it but you don't always want to be on the front lines and certainly don't want to get fired.
TH: I don't write about people while I am dating them anymore. I write and save it and publish it later.
GS: Not only do I write about sex but I write about lesbian sex in a small 30K conservative town. If you don't want work with me because of the "sex" writing, I don't want to work with you either. I have gotten more clients because I am out there and they feel more authentic. Clients trust me because of being out there.
Where are good quality places I can share frustrations or learn more about sex?
TD: One of the positives of being online is finding communities online.
AV: I discovered BDSM at fifteen but was surprised to find community even though I had no idea that it had a name.
KC: I write a column at the Stir which is light fun campy stuff which is a way for them to learn more.
GS: Feeling like a whole person and helping others come out of the closet.
TD: My sister discovered my blog because I write under an alias and was upset. I am not ashamed but I tell her not to read it.
Question from the audience:
How do you deal with negative comments and followers?
KC: I delete a lot.
AV: I usually ignore the trolls but it can be annoying. I block and moderate comments. Don't read the comments in a bad mood.
GS: I am pretty swift with dealing with them. I don't have repeat offenders. My fans/followers usually fight the fight and the person usually disappears.
TH: You have to have a strong sense of who you are and be in secure in that, who really cares what they say.
GS: Coming to my blog is like coming into my home, you are not allowed to do that.
KC: There something to be said about having a comment dislosure page.
TD: I was linked on Huffington Post but the comments were unbelievable and inappropriate. I will delete those posts.
How do you balancing relationships without losing friendships?
KC: I think long and hard about what a post.
Do you think your blogs have broken the "negative" stereotypes about African-American women?
GS: It has helped with breaking the stereotypes but it's hard to be that person who is breaking down those barriers.
TH: I don't believe there is one way to be. There is no one way to be a black person.
How do you get comprehensive information to get to teens?
TD: Yahoo questions is the worst place to get answers. Scarleteen is a great site. Tiny nibbles.com is another good site for teens.
GS: I talk a lot about sex with my teens. I am open and honest about my sexuality and that makes my teen more comfortable about talking about sex.
KC: Don't be shocked about the quetions they ask?
What are your experience with men and dating once they find out you write about sex?
TH: Its a good gage, are they comfortable about their sexuality.
Did you in the course of writing about sex, di d you find out that you were uptight about something?
KC:I have yet to find something that makes me uptight but my husband is pretty conservative.
AV: I am pretty uptight about casual sex.
TD: I am not into the "hook-up", either you just don't get that dynamic that I get with other relationships.
Links to sites mentioned will be added later,