Oh Aristotle...I disagree
Aristotle describes love as, "a single soul inhabiting two bodies".
This is so, "you complete me" -esque, I cannot get behind it. Even, "two hearts, two hearts that beat as one", is a bit much.
I am a romantic but not a nut.
I remember when Boyd and I were choosing our marriage vows. We had discussions about the wording and what we wanted to convey/express.
We chose wording like, "I choose you". No dependency wording.
I am an independent woman. I have found myself, many times, forced to depend on others, but I have always tried to maintain my independence. Of course marriage is a partnership and I have a great partner. However, we never married so we could be taken care of.
The romantic and archaic notion that two become one is just that, romantic and archaic. It is so passive and plaintive to give your soul and entire heart over to any one individual. Your sense of self should not be bartered or abandoned because you are marrying. An even bigger mistake would be allowing your chosen life partner to dictate how you love and to what degree you think and love independently. This still happens right? Oh good lord I hope not.
What I knew about marriage I learned from no one and nothing. My "role models" were pretty crappy. My parents got a divorce when I was in the 5th grade. I was innocent to their marital problems but once it was out in the open, they forgot we were just kids and they shared WAY TOO MUCH detail. Like the affairs. The alcohol abuse. The deep sadness and dissatisfaction. Thanks for that, freaks.
Then my mother's second marriage was to another alcoholic but this time he was an abuser. Physical, emotional and sexual. Super great choice there, you idiot. Not to mention she married him because she had no health insurance and she needed to have some sort of operation. WTF? Was this the 1920's? Or yesterday? Laughable if not so tragic. My father fell in love with a 19 year old. Of course they eventually married and did stay together for 12 years so that minimally justified his choice.
I remember, right before I banished my mother and her crap ass husband from my life, I was at the house with my boyfriend. Apparently Jon and I were arguing.... anyhow, my mother came into my room and told me to "be careful. men don't like "clingy" women."
I so wish you all could have seen my reaction. My blood began to boil. I felt this overwhelmingly powerful surge of anger. I screamed at her something like....YOU are giving me relationship advice? You? You have 2 failed marriages and your current husband is a deviant...keep your wonderful advice to yourself. Literally, a month later I dropped off my house key and never saw them again.
She epitomized the adage, 2 becomes 1. It represented weakness to me. I vowed to never give myself fully to another human being.
The aforementioned Jon had very old fashioned ideas about marriage. He was a spoiled rich kid and really believed his daddy would take care of everything, always. He just wanted some arm candy for the life. I was enamored by this life for a very long time and lost a bit of myself along the way. Our end was predictable because even though he systematically destroyed my sense of self, I was way too strong and independent for him. Even at the end, when I could barely muster the strength to leave, I showed him my power by doing just that.
So marrying Boyd and committing to sharing my life with him is not two becoming one. The only "ONE" in our marriage is the life we created together.
I made that clear right?
Aristotle is wrong here. Yes, that is correct; Dani Jane Phillips Stockham is disagreeing with one of the greatest philosophers in history. I told you I was an independent woman.