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So, I took a long hard look in the mirror the other day and came to a decision.
I’m a Hobbit.
Yes, you read that right. I’m a Hobbit. Most likely related to Samwise Gamgee. Partly because I have that same sense of self-entitlement that Sean Astin seems to have. But mostly because of his self-determination to complete the task no matter what.
However, this post is not about self-determination. It’s about me resembling a Hobbit.
For those of you not in the know, a Hobbit is a mythical creature that lives in the Shire or, as Peter Jackson imagines it, New Zealand.
In doing some Hobbit research on Wikipedia (don’t you just love Wikipedia?), I was startled to find many, many similarities between myself and the Hobbits.
Observe, if you will.
1. Fattish in the stomach…um…check! Yeah, like most Americans out there, I could stand to lose a few…or twenty. Oh, who am I kidding. Thirty. Yes, I said it, thirty. Now, shut up and go back to eating your Ho-Ho’s and Krispie Kremes you bastards.
2. Hair is short, curling and brown…check! Well, at least the short and brown part. I can make it curly if I try, but I’m too damn lazy. The laziness could explain why I can associate with #1.
3. Big feet with hair...check! Yeah, I can associate. I wear a size 9. That makes for some slim pickins when it comes to cute shoes. And again, due to laziness, I don’t always take care of the minuscule very few hairs that show up on the feet. Seriously, who cares? I don’t want to know why someone would want to look at feet anyway. Unless that’s what gets you off. And if that’s the case, you’re at the wrong blog.
4. Leather soles…check! As a child, I lived BAREFOOT and never, ever, ever got ringworm or cuts or stings. I even extended this habit into my teen years living in Florida. Yeah, I was that psycho that ran to get the mail across the street BAREFOOT on hot asphalt in Central Florida in August. Never felt a thing.
5. Adept at throwing stones…check! Yep, I’m embarrassed to admit it, but I’ve been known to throw stones. And I’m not speaking literally. I’m working on it, though.
6. Comes of age at age 33…check! Here’s a link to the post I did about growing up. I feel like I’m just now making it to adulthood…at age 31.
7. Eats 6 meals a day…check! Hobbits eat breakfast, elevenses, lunch, tea, dinner and supper. I eat breakfast, elevenses, lunch, snack, dinner and then dessert. This could also explain my association with #1.
8. They eat bread, meat, potatoes, cheese and have a passion for mushrooms…check! I love my starches and meats. I especially love vegetables. Again, see #1.
9. They like to give away gifts…check! That’s my favorite part of gift giving holidays and birthdays. I LOVE to give.
10. They give presents many times over…check! Yes, I’m guilty of re-gifting. Constantly. Hey, give me a break…I’m poor. And I really, really, really don’t like getting angel statues or smelly lotions or body washes for gifts. So, I do what any good poor single working mother does. I re-gift. Now, leave me alone.
11. They live in hillsides and holes…check! I’m southern. It’s not unheard of for southerners to live in bunkers and homes that should be classified as hole in the walls.
When you look over this list and really give it some thought, you’ll come to the same conclusion as me…I’m a Hobbit.
Good thing, too, cause I got the hots for Frodo.
