( Before I share this epiphany with you, I need to clarify that I do not, nor will I ever, call Carter "Sugarbear." It just looked damn good in the font on my header. I'll never tell you what I really call him. So please stop harassing me via email, text, and tweet requesting that information. Now, continuing...)
You know that you have made a dietary and habitual shift of grand proportions when you can resign yourself to salvage terrible produce by “putting some flax on it.” Not putting some chocolate on it. Not drizzling some of that there cheese whiz (pronounced dat dayer chayze weeuz). Not even putting some salt on it.