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As I hit "submit" I closed my eyes. This was it. I was actually going to do it. The dreaded online dating service. I was throwing myself at the mercy of the innerwebz, hoping to find love. Like? A date? Perhaps a phone call? A smoke signal? Should I have put "semaphore flag skills" in my "Looking For" section? I can't do this. I can't date. I can't even fill out a FORM.
Deciding on a dating service was hard enough. I wasn't going to pay for one, so that slimmed my choices down right away. I tried "LavaLife" for about seven milliseconds, until I got the first message. It was a picture of a gentleman's...gentleman parts. This was going SO well! After the shock wore off, I settled in with OK Cupid, which seemed like it was pretty low-stress (turn OFF your instant messages IMMEDIATELY upon joining, by the way, and thank me later) and fun, and then tackled the dreaded profile.
And that's where I froze. I have a tendency to...overshare, and I had no idea what to put in the "about me" section. Should I put that I haven't dated for three years? That I am a year sober and out of rehab? That I've been trying to date all these guys from way back in college that I've found on bloody Facebook, and that it never, EVER ends well? Who wants to date a reclusive writer who talks to her cats and thinks way too much about zombies, monkeys and cake (not necessarily in that order) anyway? Line up, boys!
And forget about "who I'm looking for." You wanna know who I'm looking for, OK Cupid? I'll tell you what I'm looking for. A guy, straight, in his 30s, with a JOB, and an apartment that he doesn't share with his old college roommates and an ancient futon, who is funny, talented, adorkable, smart, and who actually likes me. Well you ASKED! That's what I want. You can send him COD if you want to.
Ah, if it was only that easy. But NO, we have to have interesting challenges in life, yes? And OK Cupid had one with me, buster. The first guy they matched me with? I mean, NUMBER ONE? Was the last guy who had broken my heart prior to this little adventure. If I'm lyin' I'm dyin'.
So I cried for a while, and ate some cake, and yelled at the walls, and then? I looked again. And there were other guys! Guys who weren't old flames! Guys who might actually be nice! Well well well, OK Cupid, maybe I'll give you a shot.
And you know what? I have a date this weekend. With someone I met online. It could be the beginning of something, it could be an utter disaster, but OK Cupid said they'd help me meet someone new, and I'll be damned if they didn't do just that. So well played, OK Cupid, but if this guy ends up using me as a drug mule or something, I'm calling YOU for the bail.
