OMG, IUI, HCG, WTH: The Things They Don't Tell You About Insemination

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There are printed instructions about how to give yourself the shot though. Great, thanks! It has to go in your stomach. My husband shot me up. Then we waited for our appointment which was actually 38 hours after the shot. I read everywhere online it was supposed to be 36 hours, but it was 38. The doc said it was fine. I don’t believe her. It’s her fault.

Before we drove down to the appointment -- an hour away -- we needed the stuff in a cup. I helped. My mom was staying with us -- not awkward at all. So we snuck away like teenagers to ya know, get the stuff out -- and into a cup! Jesus.

SPINNING SPERM

OMG I can just imagine the search engines having fun with my new blog. Ugh.

We get to the office with our cup -- 38 hours after the shot -- and the doc rushes the cup into a room. We follow and watch as she puts it into a big spinner machine and microscope. We both got to look at them -- up close. WOW, are they fast and busy.

I was surprised. With how my husband likes his whiskey, I thought they’d be drunk. Okay, I also secretly wanted to blame him for how long this knock up was taking. But his little fellas were very much alive and kicking and fast. The doc was happy.

AN IUI is UNCOMFORTABLE

There I am, legs up, facing the doc with my husband beside me. I was of course making jokes about how awkward it was that she was going to get me pregnant with her little tube thingy.

Then the process began.

What they don’t tell you or at least don’t explain very well is that putting that tube up past your cervix and rooting around to find a good spot to shoot your mate’s stuff HURTS.

I have a high tolerance for pain. I should tell ya about my childhood. But really, that is no fun. I kept thinking it was nothing like birthing a child so shut up Shelton. But really, not fun, not fun at all.

We drove home, happy and nervous about possibly getting knocked up via tube.

Did pregnancy happen? No. The other P word did though. Period.

Fuck everyone.

 

Angela - wanna-be mommy blogger


http://writemommy.com/

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