Omphaloskepsis for the Midlife Writer: Finish Your Novel
by NordetteThe ghosts of novels past are coming to me nightly, paging me daily. They come as my own voice poking me to finish what I once started, but a few days ago a more unnerving ghost appeared, and her presence was louder and clearer than any self-recrimination. Her name was Elsie B. Washington.
Elsie is credited as the first African-American romance novelist to write and sell a romance novel with a black hero and heroine. Her novel, Entwined Destinies, was published under the name Rosalind Welles by Dell in 1980. She only wrote one. Elsie died in a geriatric home in Manhattan at age 66 last month from cancer and multiple sclerosis.
She would never have known this, but she has followed me around for the last 26 years. While others are writing about her death as author of a first, I remember her as a flesh and blood, attractive black woman with cropped natural hair, a poised and polished writer more than 15 years my senior who I met at a romance writers convention in the early 80s.
I went because of the buzz that publishers like Dell and Harlequin were interested in publishing African-American romance novels. While hers was the first, I don't think either of us grasped the implications of what she'd accomplished. She shared with me concern that her publishers were still a little skittish. Her book, Entwined Destinies, had sold 25,000 copies, and Dell was disappointed, hoping it would have sold more.
"But it seems 25,000 is not bad for the first," she said to me.
I told her that considering most African-American women weren't even aware that anyone had published a "black romance novel," 25,000 copies were good indeed. Her novel may have sold more copies later. I don't know.
As I studied her next to me, I saw a woman who was living the life I'd dreamed I'd live since I was child. She was a writer for Newsweek magazine, which to me made her a black goddess. She'd cracked a ceiling working for a major mainstream magazine, while I had gotten married, left college, had a baby, and put my life on hold.
But I was at this conference hoping I could write a romance novel. God knows I had started more than one, and had read enough of them to possibly write one in my sleep. In addition, I was a member of a romance writers group in Charlottesville, Va., which is how I'd heard about the convention in the first place. I'd also taken a class at U.Va., not for romance novel writing but for non-genre fiction. A woman who'd earned her MFA in the school's prestigious creative writing program taught the course, and I knew you could move on to take classes in the MFA program without a bachelors if you submitted your work and was deemed talented enough.
Hearing that I wanted to enter the program, the teacher told me to go for it, but as far as she was concerned my fiction was already "better" than some of the people graduating from the program, she said. That made me feel good, and I'm not telling you that to brag, but to say that she was one in a line of people to come who would make similar observations about my fiction writing, and yet I never cracked down and dedicated myself to fiction the way I'd always thought I'd do.
Later my family moved from Virginia, northward, and then moved again farther south than Virginia to a place where I finished my degree. One semester was paid by a fiction writing scholarship. I'd decided to apply at the last minute and wrote the winning short story, which was later published, in one night. The man who made the decision to award the scholarship to me said, "I think if you'd keep writing and start submitting your work, you'll be published."
WOW! I thought, and then when I took a literature course through him and realized that he was one of the pickiest English professors I've ever known (he only read books that had managed to stay in bookstores for at least 10 years, I think), I remembered his vote of confidence in my fiction and danced on a cloud a little longer.
And we moved again and the next person to tell me something similar to the professor was a published novelist who used to work at the William Morris Agency. Oooh, pat me on the back six ways to Sunday. But again, I didn't settle down and finish anything, and I've got excuses.
First, I would like to blame my ex-husband, next motherhood and sickness and death of loved ones, add hormonal imbalances, Hurricane Katina wiping out New Orleans, and the number of angels who dance on a pinhead, but I can't do that. Nevertheless, my biggest excuses are some my fellow writers may recognize: Fear, worry, and the tendency to over-analyze, seeing every flaw in my work and the worst possible outcome around every corner. For me the worst outcome is to find out I've spent my life working toward a goal but will die self-deluded, believing that I had a talent I never possessed. Yes, it's sad, but here I am 49 still worrying more about what others will think, that I look like a fool in others' eyes. I would rather cringe in my corner than follow my passion. Critics be damned.
See, I'm one of the people who watches American Idol and thinks, "Oh, my! Can't that person hear that she can't sing." As people laugh and call these folks idiots, I concede that they are indeed victims of self-indulgence and folly. I am the person who picks up the self-published novel and feels sorry for the poor sucker that got taken by the vanity press and embarrassed herself, revealing to the world her ignorance of grammar, flat characters, and penchant for predictable denouement.
Later I've been surprised to see these same authors get picked up by "real" publishing houses after proving somebody will read their books. Some of them have improved, some have not. Am I the dupe of a snobbish literary education?
This post will continue next week with "If it's Bad News for the Writer, My Mind's a Trap."
Until then, I leave you with Sesame Street's Don Music, who channels the voice of the fearful writer, and I'm sorry to say, sometimes I may think just like him.
Blogger's Note: O.K., all right. I can see it's killing you because if you're a writer, you probably have varying levels of word obsession. Omphaloskepsis from Dictionary.com: noun ... contemplation of one's navel as part of a mystical exercise." It pays to watch the national spelling bee.
Nordette Adams is a BlogHer Contributing Editor who also writes at Examiner.com.
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Comments
I Enjoyed This Post So Much
I can relate. I have been continually "wanting to finish writing my novel" for years. I look forward to the next part of this post :)
http://fromayellowhouse.blogspot.com
Thank you, Dori
What do you think is keeping you from moving further?
Nordette Adams is a BlogHer CE & you can find her other stuff through Her 411.
I'm Moving Along Bit By Bit
Nordette,
I love that you asked me that question :) It is great food for thought and something I've been chewing on more and more. I think that in the past, it was procrastination, and yet, I think that wasn't the whole story when I look back now. There was some fear there of some kind. However, nowadays I'm pushing forward with it more. I'm finding that now I'm working more on what makes me happy. So reacquainting myself with my novel aspirations has been interesting. I'm just slow sometimes :-) Your post though and the responses have shown me that I'm not alone on this path. It helps. I'm going to get there :) I also loved your nod to Elsie B. Washington. I had been reading about her passing recently and reading about what she did inspired me that extra bit on the day that I read it. Then I read your post and I knew that it was a wonderful bit of synchronicity.
Thanks for asking me that question and making me look within a bit and thanks for the connection here :)
Dori
http://fromayellowhouse.blogspot.com
Thanks for reminding me I'm not the only one
I, too, have an unfinished romance novel. You have inspired me to dust it off. Thanks!
Deborah Davis
TheDomesticallyChallengedCook.blogspot.com
TheWeeklyRetreat.blogspot.com
Yay! for romance
My novel-in-progress, at least the one I choose to work on, has romantic elements but I don't think I'll ever attempt to write a tradtional romance novel again since I don't read them like I used to. :-) And I know the genre's changed a lot since I did.
Get cracking on finishing yours. I'll read it!
Nordette Adams is a BlogHer CE & you can find her other stuff through Her 411.
arrrgh
I'm with you. Started a novel and got through five chapters in 2006 and then had a baby and screched to a halt. He's three now. Five chapters still sitting there. They're pretty good, i think, but more? Hasn't happened. That's why I start blogging, actually, to get an audience so I'd have responsbility to write every single day, or someone would be mad at me. Deadlines are golden. If I can get into the habit of daily writing, the novel has to get finished at some point, right?
Laura
momtrolfreak.com
Word of caution for bloggers who want to be
fiction writers
It's true, blogging will disciplines us to write daily, but we still need to make a conscious effort to write fiction. The instant gratification of hearing from other bloggers in comments can lull us to sleep and we may never go back to fiction if we don't make an effort. :-)
However, you could finish a nonfiction book. Goodness knows we're hearing more and more about blogs converted to books. And some people have blogs that are all fiction.
Thank you for telling me about your five chapters. Misery of the unfinished novel loves company.
Nordette Adams is a BlogHer CE & you can find her other stuff through Her 411.
ooh, good point.
I'm more of a "fiction writer who wants to also be a blogger" rather than the other way around, HOWEVER in the shortish time I've been blogging I can totally see the narcotic effect. It's good because it keeps me writing SOMETHING, but yeah, I can see how given the choice one would choose the instant gratification of blogging over the long-haul fiction route. I'll have to redouble my efforts to put some time aside every day to write JUST FICTION. In addition to the blog. And motherhood. And the full time job. And grad school. (Um, help).
thanks for the post!
Laura
momtrolfreak.com
I love you. Will you marry me?
No? Okay, then can we have a writer's support group, one with a very long cord so that the wine flows from LA to CA? I have never published a novel. I have never finished a novel. But if the almost theres, and false starts and couple of chapters were to be collected (and perhaps annotated!), it would take up several reams at least.
By Jane
http://midlifebloggers.com
http://byjane.blogspot.com
I saw this subject line and...
the user name and there was no other context. I had to come and see who ByJane was proposing to. (I was jealous even if marriage IS a tool of the patriarchy!)
;-)
~Denise
BlogHer Community Manager
Flamingo House Happenings
An occasional marriage proposal
An occasional marriage proposal is a beautiful thing regardless of patriarchal oppression. :-)
Nordette Adams is a BlogHer CE & you can find her other stuff through Her 411.
How can it be a tool of the patriarchy
when it's between the matriarchy?
I love you too, Denise, but you've got TW!
By Jane
http://midlifebloggers.com
http://byjane.blogspot.com
Ugh. I know.
And I have at least two that the computer ate, meaning disk failure without back up. Ohhh the pain!
Nordette Adams is a BlogHer CE & you can find her other stuff through Her 411.
I used to be where you are...
But not anymore! I reached a climax in my own 'writing career' where I want to hear what others have to say - good, bad, ugly - about my writing so I can improve...and improve I have!
I'm editing my first novel and yes, I agree - the fear and self doubt tends to creep back time and time again... but you just have to keep keepin' on. Like you said...if you don't finish...you don't finish!
Good post, and good luck!
www.LiaMack.com
www.TheGreenMamas.com
I'm long past fear of showing others my work
My problem is not fear of what people will say about my work. I've sat with the Simon Cowells of several writng groups and classes. And I used to post work online as well, but I took it offline because while imitation may be the sincerest form of flattery, out-and-out theft is a pain in the rear.
We reach a point in writing where writing groups and classes and feedback don't help much because we know what we're doing. The only thing left to do is write.
The dread that wells in me is the horror I've heard of good writers whose good works take years to get published, sometimes not even hitting bookstores until long after they're dead. Yes, I know. I need to get my mind off the bad stories and focus on the good ones.
I'm glad you finished your novel. Please bottle some of the self-discipline it took to finish and mail it to me. :-) And let us know when you sign your deal.
Nordette Adams is a BlogHer CE & you can find her other stuff through Her 411.
Writing and publishing
Tell me about it. My outie has morphed into an innie with all that gazing.
And even if I get down to writing the novel, I don't know that I'll actually send it to a real live publisher. I get the sad feeling the MS will probably eke out its existence in a box under the bed.
Great post; I look forward to the sequel.
Niranjana Iyer
http://niranjana.wordpress.com
Up next: novel
My unfinished novel is on the backburner. An agent I met at a writers' conference had encouraging things about the early chapters, but on the strength of it, she wanted to know if I had anything non-fiction in the works. I did--kinda, sorta--and I moved that book (about co-parenting) to the front burner on the agent's advice that non-fiction is an easier sell these days. I hope that my fiction will ride the successful coattails of my non-fiction. Fingers crossed!
We reach a point in writing where writing groups and classes and
feedback don't help much because we know what we're doing. The only
thing left to do is write.
Amen and amen. Elsie B. Washington's story nudged me on just a little bit further. Thank you, Nordette!
Co-Parenting 101
Blogging and Creative Writing: Two Different
Things
Fear and worry do take their toll on me.
I began a blog four years ago, and during the third year, fell in a creative heap. I deleted the 3 and a bit year old blog, because it had nothing creative in it. I realized that blogging isn't creative writing, and creating writing may be added to a blog, but the blogging niche I was writing for, was snarky and not to my liking.
That isn't to say that blogging is negative. I do like writing. I write every day, but now I control more of my time, and refuse to fall into the trap (SEO, traffic obsessions, etc). Blogging should be fun and, for writers, shouldn't overtake other projects.
After shutting down the previous blog, I returned to two novels I had saved on my PC. I've proofread one, and am planning on submitting it to a few literary agents.
Blogging and Creative Writing: Two Different
Things
Fear and worry do take their toll on me.
I began a blog four years ago, and during the third year, fell in a creative heap. I deleted the 3 and a bit year old blog, because it had nothing creative in it. I realized that blogging isn't creative writing, and creating writing may be added to a blog, but the blogging niche I was writing for, was snarky and not to my liking.
That isn't to say that blogging is negative. I do like writing. I write every day, but now I control more of my time, and refuse to fall into the trap (SEO, traffic obsessions, etc). Blogging should be fun and, for writers, shouldn't overtake other projects.
After shutting down the previous blog, I returned to two novels I had saved on my PC. I've proofread one, and am planning on submitting it to a few literary agents.
Writing of whatever is like air and water for
me
I've been in a mood lately. Not so much a snit as an "aw crap" mood. Nothing was working out the way I wanted it to. Or if it was, it was taking too damn long to show results. My personal blog, ByJane, has been dying on the vine while I throw all my energy into MidLifeBloggers. While I do cross-post ByJane on MidLifeBloggers, the very personal stuff, the whining and wingeing and sighing and moping, didn't seem like it belonged on MidLifeBloggers. And really, that very personal stuff is where my mind and heart are these days.
So I took a chance, opened up ByJane and started to write. It all just came out, without a hitch or a stutter, so that I could see clearly that what was inside was just waiting for a chance to be said. And then, because I'm a write, I hit Publish. And because I'm an Editor, I cross-posted it to MidLifeBloggers.
I don't know whether it will be read, but that it was written makes all the difference to me. Suddenly, I can breathe again. Someone once asked me why I write, and my answer was simple, "Because I can't not write." I need to remember that and I need to remember that in the process, genre is incidental.
By Jane
http://midlifebloggers.com
http://byjane.blogspot.com
Omphaloskepsis is my new favorite word
Now we need a clever word for the creative surge of mid-life. I know so many people (women, especially) who are getting around to creating the art they've put on the back burner for too long.
CJ
http://halflifecrisis.com
Midlife Sonata
CJ, I hope you'll post that challenge in Midlife Sonata group. I like it enough to create a contest and send the winner, after votes, a box from Best of New Orleans. :-)
I think some people have toyed around with "boomer bloom" before, but eventually people other than baby boomers will be in midlife.
Nordette Adams is a BlogHer CE & you can find her other stuff through Her 411.
New Year's Resolution in June
Yes, I will finish that NOVEL... by Christmas 2009? by New Year's Day 2010? soon! Thank you for saying what everyone is thinking.
http://melissatellier.blogspot.com "My Drivel" - fiction and non-fiction
Some encouragement from Billie Letts
All true. It's hard to start, to keep going in the middle, and to finish. Billie Letts, author of Where the Heart, provides a heap of encouragement in this essay about her roundabout journey to writing her first book.
http://www.knowsouthernhistory.net/Culture/Literature/billie_letts.htm
Some encouragement from Billie Letts
All true. It's hard to start, to keep going in the middle, and to finish. Billie Letts, author of Where the Heart Is, provides a heap of encouragement in this essay about her roundabout journey to writing her first book.
http://www.knowsouthernhistory.net/Culture/Literature/billie_letts.htm