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Love can be so mundane sometimes, and yet philosophical at other times. However, I thought of casting my own pitch towards the perennial question of “how do I find the one?”
I can tell you here and now there are no hard and fast rules when it comes to love, much less finding that one person you want to spend the rest of your life with - married or not, whether it’s a same-sex relationship or heterosexual, May-December affair or coming from the same age group. At the same time, as you continue to read this, some of it may or may not apply to you. What I ask is you give this post some thought and get back to you me with your comments.
5 easy things you can do now to help you find ‘the one’:
1. Love yourself. Yes, you read right. It’s a simple statement and yet it can be quite contentious. How can I love myself? I should love others before me. The very reason I’m looking for someone to love is so they can love me. To each their own - that’s what I will always say. Just take my word with a grain of salt and ponder it a little. My question to you is: how can you expect someone to love you if you don’t love yourself? Sometimes the other person needs to know why they should love you. What is so lovable about you? And they will see this, feel this, think this if you communicate this energy to them - that you love yourself.
How do you do this?
a. Make a list of the things you like about yourself - physically, emotionally, intellectually, spiritually, socially, etc
b. Ask other people what they like about you, in case you missed a few
c. What are your passions? Do you nurture them? When you do things that make you happy, fulfill you, you feel happiness that comes from within. And this shines through.
Loving yourself is also vital because then it keeps you from selling yourself short. You know that you deserve respect and won’t stand for people taking you for granted, insulting you or abusing your good nature. Loving yourself means never getting to the point of desperation that throw yourself at anyone who so much as casts a glance your way.
2. Listen to Socrates: Know thyself. Knowing yourself means being aware of
a. what makes you smile
b. what makes you glow
c. what you appreciate in others
d. your likes and dislikes
e. your dreams and desperations
f. your joys and tribulations
When you know yourself, you know what you want. And this makes the next step possible.
3. Draw up a list. What kind of person would you like to share your life with? Try to be as specific as possible. The reason for this is NOT to make you stick to them, but simply to guide you and remind you in your quest, your journey towards ‘your one’. Many a time people seem to get so lost in the labyrinth of finding a life partner, that they end up settling. Sometimes though someone may surprise you, that even though they may not be 6 feet tall, or have a 36-24-36 measurement, a fat bank balance or an arresting smile when they show their pearly whites, they still could be the one. Ask yourself a few simple questions. Does the person make you look forward to seeing them again? Do they make you feel good about yourself? Do they inspire you to be a better person when in their company? If the answer is yes, then give them a chance.
4. Go out and socialise - not necessarily to hunt for ‘your one’ but to meet people, enjoy the company of others, live life. All of us are social beings and without human contact we lose some of that human-ness. And yes, of course it helps to link up with people who may actually one day say to you, “I have a friend. I think you should meet!”
So where can you meet people? Do you go to the gym? It’s a good place to keep fit and rub elbows with health buffs (or people so in love with themselves). What are your hobbies? Do you play tennis? Do you belong to a club? Is there something you’ve always wanted to learn but never pursued it - play the guitar, explore photography, go mountain climbing, or scuba dive? Whatever happens you still come out a winner because you learn a new skill, you meet new
