Are You Beautiful?

Wonderful article!

For me I love my big green eyes, my round face - I could do without the extra weight (but working on it : http://www.therevolvingdiet.com)

I could do without my flat butt though...but it's all me, it's all natural and it's all mine!

All women are beautiful - from the inside out!

Thank you. I need to read things like this, it lightens my heart.

Something that I like about how I look...? Well, I like my lips c: and I have really cute feet...lol!

...and not afraid to say it! :)

I didn't always feel that way, but I do now.

I have fabulous hair; pretty, light green eyes; a cute butt; big lips with a big smile; and long lashes.

My friend and I started our blog on the basis that women should stop feeling ashamed of admitting their own awesomeness. It doesn't make you conceited; it makes you healthy.

Beautifully-written post - thanks. :)

http://blog.theclosetnarcissist.com

the place where self-love is celebrated!

When a woman who looks like Gabby lets the world know that she is happy with herself, her looks, etc, the world {women} commends her for it.  If a woman who is, let's just say, already beautiful according to Western standards admits that she's happy with what she sees in the mirror, the world {women} not only dislike her, but also then categorize her as conceited.   It's kind of a strange double standard, don't you think?

...love Maegan

www.lovemaegan.com ( http://www.lovemaegan.com )

This is a wonderful post.  I used to feel guilty because I thought I looked cute a lot of the time - although there were some major fashion faux pas along the way (at least they feel that way when you look at yourself in a photo from years ago and wonder - what was I thinking?).  That said, I like my eyes, my hair, my lips, my hips and behind and I like to look down at my cleavage.  It gives me a thrill every now and then.  Now, there are plenty of things I would change - especailly my big feet but I still decorate them and massage them because they are mine.

Love yourself ladies.

http://blog.candelariasilva.com ( http://blog.candelarisilva.com/ )

Good and plenty!

I have good bone structure.  That said, I'm not thrilled with my looks.  I worry obsessively about my weight and not being cute enough despite the excellent bone structure.  I don't mind giving my friends pep talks if they put themselves down and I also don't mind getting pep talks in return.  A good griping session is sometimes needed!  I do agree, though, that women (myself included) spend much more time hating their apparence then we should.

I'll take one issue with your otherwise excellent post: I think people can achieve a lot even if they are down on their external apparence.  90% of the time I look like a shlumpf (and don't care) because what I do is so much more important to me than putting time into my looks.  I'm not saying that you suggested that we divert our attention from other worthy pursuits to our apparences, but I'm pretty proud of my work on a variety of things and generally not too enthused about my looks.  So the two don't necessarily go hand in hand, but I get the idea that there's a connection between accepting one's self and how we interact with the world at large.

Suzanne also blogs at Campaign for Unshaved Snatch (CUSS) & Other Rants ( http://cussandotherrants.com ) and is the author of Off the Beaten (Subway) Track ( http://offthebeatensubwaytrack.com ).

I love her. She's a great inspiration and I think she is very fashionable.

On the outside: I love my hair, my eyes, my nose, my toes (well nine of them, I broke one).

On the inside: I love my sense of loyalty, kindness, perseverence, and determination to learn new things.

Moe
M.E. Wood lens ( http://www.squidoo.com/mewood ), Large and Lovely ( http://largeandlovely.bellaonline.com ), Five Favorite Things ( http://www.plusshe.com )

My shoulders rock.  :-)

Thanks for the reminder.

eL.

I have a very low opinion of my looks. It started with my sister telling me my faults and then being teased at school. I am so glad that my daughter does not suffer from low self-esteem like I did.She is very confident and strong young lady.

www.thejerseyshort.com ( http://www.thejerseyshort.com )

What I've found is that when I like the way I look, and feel confident about my body, my hair, my skin, etc., I actually feel happier overall.  I also feel healthier, more energetic, more engaged and ready to take on the day.  

On the days I get down about the grumpy old man that lives on my belly, post pregnancy, I feel horrible the whole day.  But I say, embrace the old man, and realize that the reason I have it is because I was blessed with two beautiful children.  

It's good to appreciate what we have, because it could always be worse. And we should always try to be happy and grateful.

www.happyhypochondriac.com ( http://www.happyhypochondriac.com )

Nettalyce.  You can read more about me at nettalyce.blogspot.com.

Whenever I start to feel down about myself I reflect on how much God loves me.  He created me in his image.  His thoughts toward me are more than the sands on the sea.  He has numbered the very hairs on my head.  Before I was formed in the body of my mother God  had knowledge of me, and before my birth he made me special.  He watched me as I was being formed in my mother's womb. I am so important that God has promised to never leave me nor forsake me.  He loved me enough to send his only son to sacrifice his life for me just so I could have a real living relationship with him.  He weeps for me when I weep.  He rejoices with me.  Even when I make mistakes he has provided grace for me that is always sufficient.  Finally he loved me so much that he has declared that nothing can seprate me from his love-not even death.  So I strive to rest in the comfort of this love.  Sorry for getting all 'biblical' but this 'biblical'stuff is pretty darn good.  The best art is that my feelings about myself vacillate between bad and good.  My feelings are often circumstantial.  Heaven and Earh would have to pass away before any of these WORDS become void.

I also think  it is possible to think of yourself as beautiful while accepting that perhaps you're not at the healthiest weight or shape possible. (Because we all know it's not just about numbers on a scale, right?) Why not think of yourself as a beautiful woman (or man!) that needs to lose a few pounds to be healthy, or hit the yoga mat to gain some strength? My point is that being happy doesn't equal being perfect...we all have imperfections and areas that need improvement. Heck, I make a living writing about makeup and hair tips! I don't think one contradicts the other!

Excuse me while I wipe my eyes...thanks for sharing...:)

You're right!

I had a very hard time writing this, because the sentiment can totally be taken the wrong way. Believe me, I certainly don't go around telling everyone that I think I'm beautiful...I mean, it just sounds obnoxious -- but we tell ourselves that we should be proud of our accomplishments. That doesn't mean you walk around with your resume around your neck, right? That would be equally obnoxious.

However, I definitely don't make it a point to point out my (or anyone else's) flaws.

Aussieguy28, you start out with "accept yourself" and then you add a condition about not accepting yourself if you are overweight. 

I'm confused.

But, in spite of that confusion, I will say - here is the conundrum of the overweight person.  If we say we accept ourselves as we are, we inadvertently accept the risks and challenges of the extra weight.  If we say that is UNacceptable, we send ourselves the message that we aren't good enough.

How does one love oneself and refuse to accept the status quo?  It's not impossible; it's just challenging.  Almost mixed messages in our heads. 

I love myself - regardless of what size I am.  That doesn't mean my life hasn't been an ongoing quest to do better, to be better.  But even at 286 pounds, even though I cussed my failures and my physical limitations, I still loved myself.  I still appreciated the positives of what I had. 

In this sense, 'acceptance' doesn't mean one will not strive to be better, as we all should.  'Acceptance' means I will not stop living my life, I will not berate myself, etc.  By that definition, even the most obese amongst us ought to accept the right to BE in this world - to participate in our own lives.  That doesn't mean we shouldn't strive for improvement. 

At least that is how I've reconciled those things...

I'm not awesomely happy with my looks, but I don't dwell on it either. It does bother me when other women put themselves down, but I hadn't really thought much about it until now. We should be responsible for lifting each other up!

I believe everyone has to get to a stage in their life where they accept themselves as a person and i'm not talking about looks. If you try to be something you aren't, u will never be happy! I find if you try to live up to societies image and values, u will never be happy as a person!

Another point i would like to talk about is "i'm happy with the way i look" and your 50kg overweight! How can you be 50kg and say you accept yourself as a person when you dont even care about yourself. Being overweight your opening yourself up to major health problems and deceasing your life spam by 10-20 years. I choose a healthy life where I have found it makes me look a good 10 years younger. If you have children, 80% of your habits become these by the age of 8 which is a proven fact so be a good example for your children!

This is great!

I have great hair & legs. I get compliments on my skin. My husband loves my butt. I hate my belly. I will work on it...it's not just the two kids & 2 C-sections in 15 months, it's the chips & donuts. But the older I get, the more confident I am. I know how to make myself feel good and feel pretty. I will teach my 3 daughters the same!

I've spent my fair share of time feeling fat/ugly, especially in my early 20s - even though I was lucky to have a very well-adjusted mother, unlike girlfriends whose mothers were always on diets - but in the last few years, I'm happy with how I look 90% of the time. I'm strong, can make lots of faces and I think I look pretty good in a summer dress.

I haven't got the best skin but who gives a crap? It's not my job to be a model or an actress so meh.

My friends and I have way better stuff to do than moan about our fat asses or pimples or whatever.

I am so happy to read this.  So much of my crappy body image comes from guilt.  "Why should I be happy with myself when all my friends are so unhappy with how they look?"  I feel like a traitor if I am content with myself. 

Well, no more.  I'm tired of it.  I am healthy and beautiful.  No one should be able to take that away from me!

of course, it's all about me. and i am hot hot hot. no doubt about it. and if you don't agree, well then, we probably won't be lovers. next question?

seriously, i know MANY women who carry themselves on legs of self-love, and it is, as has been said, about loving who you are and how you look, rather than trying to make yourself into somebody else's type.

all of which reminds me of a piece that i wrote for Suzannes Swmisuit Brigade for Honest Photos.....  eeeekkkk.

http://alyssaroyse.wordpress.com/2009/11/13/swimsu...

For the longest time, I couldn't see anything really beautiful about myself. I was proud of my feet, but more because they're different. Not because they are really pretty. (though i think my webbed toes are pretty, and everyone else has these freakishly long toes).   Then, I looked into my baby girl's gorgeous, beautiful, sparkling hazel eyes, and don't think I'd ever seen anything more beatiful.

And then, one day, I overheard a conversation between my ex and his mother.  She was saying that my daughter's eyes came from her side of the family, and he responded "no, I looked into those eyes for ten years, so I should know, those are Cai's eyes."

It was then that I pulled out my own  childhood pictures, and I looked.  He was right. Those beautiful, gorgeous, breathtaking eyes that are going to break hearts one of these days came from me. I was forced to admit that my own eyes are beautiful. My daughter wouldn't hear anything else, she'll tell me, her eyes are just like mine.

I'm happy with the way I look for the most part. I think that I am pretty. But I don't think I've ever really said it out loud to anybody. Certainly not without being super embarassed about it. Even writing that sentence kind of scares the hell out of me.

When I was in high school, I didn't know what to say when someone complimented me on my looks. I was shy to begin with so I'd just sort of smile and try to change the subject. At some point my friends took me to task for this - but not in a good way. They thought I was "conceited" because I didn't straight up deflect the compliment. "What am I supposed to say" I asked. "You say, "No, I'm not [pretty]!"' they replied in a voice that told me that should have been obvious to me.

So to this day, I don't know how to take a compliment. I like my face even though there are days I look in the mirror and aren't very happy with it. But I don't feel like I could ever do what Sally says - to say OUT LOUD that I think I'm gorgeous. (Again, even writing that makes me cringe. Physically cringe.)

My girlfriends critique their looks a lot. I try to build them up and I don't criticize myself. But I don't see myself saying, "Well, I think I'm beautiful!"

But this is certainly food for thought...

Like you, I like the way I look in general. I would say that I am contented. So, you are not the only one.

I also particularly like my hair. It is naturally blond, and shiny. I get the colour that many people 'dye' for all for free.

loved this article! =)

i actually really am happy about how i look. some days, not so much -- but 90% of it is how well i take care of myself! if i'm keeping clean, eating well, and exercising, i just look prettier.

I agree, we must feel confident in our own skin, with or without make-up, or our hair done, or any of the other "make me feel good" things we females do. We receive many negative messages from the media, family, friends, the males in our lives.

There is one thing that bothers me though, the young woman you feature, Gabby, is beautiful from the inside out, to be sure. However, "your body is your temple" means you take care of yourself. Sadly, she is morbidly obese, that isn't taking care of, or respecting, and valuing yourself. It means being healthy too.

Women, in general, can be brutal when it comes to "critiquing" each other secretely. I clearly remember a former friend saying, (as we enjoyed a lunch on a retail therapy jaunt), "let's play fashion police". I almost choked on my mouthful of lettuce. "Why would I want to do that?", I thought. It didn't take long for me to see how insecure she was.

Beauty, to me, is when a woman's inner goodness comes out and she respects herself and others too. So, yes, I'm beautiful! Respect--Aretha had it right!

Yes.

Everything you've brought up - I entirely agree.  We are in no way ever meant to be our own worst enemies or overt/covert critics - over anything.   Physical, emotional, mental, anything.  I was raised with many, many shoves from my parents in the direction of self-hatred, particularly of my physical self.  Extremely sad, also extremely superficial - which I came to realize when I left home and started finding out what life was REALLY about, and that being one's own best friend/advocate/cheerleader in ALL aspects was, is and always will be the way to go.  Having others who also really love you "as is" = golden.  One of life's great, great gifts.  I have beloved friends, a sister and a husband who do just that.  Works for me!

Soooo...I like a lot about my physical self, a great deal.  My height, my weight, my hair, my skin.  Wouldn't trade any of it.  Anything about my physical self I may not 100% "love" all the time is within my power to change, and I know that and feel good about that too because it's MY choice, change I can effect if I really, truly ultimately decide it's that important to me.  Many thanks for the opportunity to share my thoughts!.

I had a really hard time writing this post because it doesn't answer your question -- which is fair and the logical next step. It's something I'll have to address in another post because it deserves its own topic.

Of course, there's no way one post will resolve all the issues -- but as JustLinda's excellent response below states and G. Sibide says, it's more about making a conscious decision -- sometimes you do have to fake it till you make it, but mostly you have to make an effort to be kind to yourself (stopping the negative self-talk - which is easier said than done) and being nice to yourself (which is hard to do when you feel your body doesn't deserve it).

Stay tuned...

I totally agree with you, justLinda.

One of the most important statements in this blog is the ideas that people must...MUST...not stop living their lives to the fullest regardless of size or perceived physical imperfections.  I blog on weight issues quite a bit, and have very little patience with people who are otherwise healthy and yet refuse to be seen in a bathing suit, or won't wear a certain eye-catching color because of their size. 

I rarely watch Oprah, but made a point to catch her recent show with Roger Ebert since I've always been a fan of his.  If you're not aware, this affable guy lost the whole bottom of his face to cancer ( http://latimesblogs.latimes.com/the_big_picture/20... ), in addition to his ability to speak and eat (he gets nutrition from an IV). Through his computerized voice machine, he said the simplest, most beautiful words about self-acceptance I've heard in a long time:

"Make peace with how you look...and then GET ON WITH IT."

Michele Coppola is a Portland-based writer and radio air personality who also blogs regularly at www.coppolawords.com ( http://www.coppolawords.com )

Miguelina, thanks so much for the shout-out! And I'm just delighted to hear that my post spurred you post about the importance of not only accepting but ACKNOWLEDGING your own beauty, out loud.

I'm pretty darned proud of my dainty little wrists and ankles. They're just about the only ladylike thing about me! ;)

( http://www.blogher.com/member/miguelina ) ( http://www.blogher.com/beautyhacks )

... is getting out of the just "looks" of it.

Even when my weight was up, and I would often lament the limitations of my body, I also worked to celebrate what it could DO.  It could move and work and take me places and do things for me.  I appreciated its functionalness, if that's a word.  Think of it as a friend - if you had a friend who was willing to fetch you things, take you places, reach stuff from a shelf, etc. you'd be all "Gosh, she is awesome to do that stuff for me."  My body could and did those things for me and I appreciated it.

You can also gain appreciation by looking at smaller bits and pieces.  The curve of your hip, the bounce of your hair, the shape of your chin.  Find the good things and recognize and appreciate those.

And feeling your physical form can help.  I love when I take a bath and shave my legs at night and then climb in between the sheets.  My body FEELS good.  I love wearing a cute outfit and knowing that it complements my look - well fit clothing, etc.  It FEELS good and when that happens, without even looking in a mirror, I can appreciate it.

But mostly, I don't want to squander NOW for the want of something else, something I just may never have.  I want to appreciate NOW so that when its gone, I can say I gave it its due props while I had it. 

Maybe part of that as age bringing a little modicum of wisdom.  I don't know.  Maybe I just got TIRED of having it.  Maybe somewhere along the line I adopted a fake-it-til-you-make-it attitude and just made a DECISION to like myself and stuck with it until the concept was internalized.

I don't know how I did it.  All of the above, maybe.

Try it.  It's quite liberating.  Set yourself free from self-loathing.  Give yourself permission to love yourself.

The only thing I really like about my appearance is my feet.

How do you develop a sense of self-love and appreciation for your body?  I find myself really stuck here.  I just can't get past all the feelings of inadequacy and - frankly - disgust.  And I weigh 122 pounds.  Any tips?

Just stating the obvious here. ;)

I mean, there is an element of pure LOGIC to that.

Think about it -- women who hate their TODAY body because they are lamenting their YESTERDAY body, kicking themselves for not appreciating what they had back when they had it. 

Take that forward to a logical conclusion... keep that up and then today's body that you are hating is going to possibly be the body that your future self pines away for and wishes she had.

Why not cut out all the bullshit in the middle and just love it now while you have it, instead of realizing after it's gone that you should have loved it when you had it?

(Holy cow, that's a convoluted diatribe, huh?  LOL  Welcome to my twisted - but somewhat logical - brain.  It's almost as attractive as my hair.  haha Kidding.)

drop.dead.gorgeous. Everyone knows that.

Reading all these positive responses just makes me happy.

I know it helped me as well! I was scrawny and wore glasses and didn't get braces until I could pay for them myself. But my parents always told me I was pretty, so I never worried about it.

As another mom raising boys, I couldn't agree more! I work on focusing on enjoying the body I have now, rather than the one I used to have. That doesn't mean I'm letting myself go, just that I'm accepting my new reality.

Yes, I also think I was born in the wrong decade. I like to think I'd rock a 1940s one piece ;)

I've met many moms who lament the changes their bodies went through post-baby.  Lets face it, for some moms, their body does drastically change after baby, and, yet, are still pressured to return to their pre-baby body in order to be considered beautiful again.  

Except for the lucky handful, it is HARD to force your body backwards towards the flat-bellied teenage-y body it used to be (despite what tabloids say with their obsession over post-baby women celebrities and how they get their "hot beach bodies back").   

Women should love and celebrate their bodies at whatever stage they are in life - i.e. stop looking back and remembering how skinny you were when you were 14. 

I've always thought that with my general body shape I would kick ass as a 1918 bathing beauty ( http://upload.wikimedia.org/wikipedia/commons/b/bc... ). Not really in other decades though.

I feel the same way about the body-hating conversations and refuse to participate in them.

Also? My feet are cute. They're like sleek little otters.

You know this is a very interesting topic. I find it very sad when women dont like the way they look, even when they are in fact very pretty. I love myself thoroughly. I was a plump child with janky teeth and glasses, so I probably should have bad self esteem, but my mom told me relentlessly how gorgeous and amazing I was, and since mommy said it, it must be true. It's so important for parents to constantly enforce positive affirmations on their kids.

we just need t o be comfortable with our bodies to feel beautiful. cosmetics and fashion can make a big difference with what we look and having some little changes doesn't mean we are not happy with what we look but enhancing it. as my friend always say, we should get older gracefully, we should not let age be a reason not to take care of ourselves.

Who knew private paper could be just as cathartic as sharing your every last whim with the whole Internet? Who knew?! But, yes, I turn to my paper journal when I need to write (which is what I do!) something that I'm not comfortable with the entire world knowing/reading/etc. Sometimes these things make their way to my (various) blog(s) but having time to process them first makes a huge difference.

And today? I feel like a million bucks. So hooray for that!

It took years before I was comfortable with both my outward appearance and my 'inward' persona.

I am fortunate to have great hair.  It's the kind that you can gel and scrunch and get a bunch of luxurious curls, or blow out straight and sleek.  I have greys, but they're sprinkled evenly throughout, and I don't color my hair.  Those greys are well-earned because I have lived.  Really LIVED.

I'm also pleased with my skin.  I've got wrinkles, for sure, and I don't get carded at all any more.  Those wrinkles are the shape created by smiling, not frowning, and I like that about them.  I spend zero dollars on anti-aging skin products.  I take care of it...cleansing and moisturizing w/ no-name cleansers and moisturizer...but I don't battle every new crease with expensive concoctions.  I am surely in the minority here, but  I *want* my face to show that I have history, that I've done (sometimes crazy!)  things, that I've lived life to my best ability--That I have experience in this world.  My wrinkles are badges of honor to me, not something to eradicate.   

I'm far more satisfied with my body and the way I look on the outside,  now at just-about 40 than I ever was in my twenties.  And as you point out in this (excellent, BTW!) post, it's because I'm much more comfortable and at peace with the woman I am on the inside.  

I LOVE my eyes they are deep dark reddy brown and i like my shoulders

I struggle with loving myself with these extra 100lbs, but I do understand somewhere deep down that it's essential I love me, now, so that I can treat myself with the respect I need and believe in myself so that I can be that version of myself I want to be.

To answer your little question, I like the shape of my legs.

A paper journal? Wow. Impressive.

I hate when I get down on myself like that, but we're all human. Here's hoping it won't last long for you.