One Insider's Guide to Marriage
By mryjhnsn on March 08, 2014
Honoring my anniversary in a week I wanted to share this post.
A few months ago I saw a something on Facebook that was being shared by single friends of mine. It was a list of 50 marriage tips. I remember thinking how odd it was that a single friend was sharing it so I had to read it and share it with the Husband. We had a good laugh over it. I can't find it now.
Don’t get me wrong, there was a lot of great advice but it is hard to take anything seriously when someone who is not married is sharing it. Come to think of it the only thing I remember from the list is something about sex and that is the one the Husband agreed with whole heartily.
The post has been in the back of my head for a few months now and I decided to come up with my own list. Mind you this is complete bullshit because we have not been married all that long. Seven years is a mere drop in the bucket when you think of how long we are expected to live. I will also caveat it by saying that we have been together about nine years and I have known him my entire adult life. We meet when I was 19. We know each other fairly well and we work off the expectation that the other will leave. Just kidding, he will have to take me with him.
It is on every list for a reason. It is important and scientifically proven to be necessary to the success of marriages but let’s be realistic about sex and we should consider - quantity over quality. Sure, quality is nice, but with a toddler who wants to still co-sleep, a third grader with insomnia, and a husband with rotating shifts that include overnights quantity is way more important. Get it when you can and remember that you, hopefully, will have a long life together and quality sex will be much sweeter with each other later, because you are still together.
Don’t use Sex as a Weapon
What can I say, sex is important and even if you are mad at your spouse don’t withhold sex. Sex can be healing, on both sides, and using it as a weapon will only cause problems later.
Show a United Front
This is the hardest for me when it comes to the kids but the easiest when it comes to the rest of the world. I struggle because I am with the kids the most and I just fail at hiding how I feel about some things. This can be a major stressor on a marriage especially when you disagree on discipline. Of course, if you discussed your parenting philosophies before setting the date like all the “experts” say to do this should not be a problem.
Let. It. Go.
Whatever it is, just let it go. Holding a grudge not only hurts your relationship but will make you mean and give you worry lines. This could also be titled ‘Pick Your Battles’ because sometimes, some things we want to quarrel over is really, just not worth it in the long run.
Know who you marry
I know that my Husband’s idea of romance is making sure I have gas in my car and the utilities are paid. I know that he sends me flowers at work for the funny story of jealous women later and I know that he will never hold my hand in public unless it is to keep me close in a crowd. That is how he shows me his love and I can’t imagine expecting him to change any of that based on a silly notion of what others believe love is. There are times we don’t agree and I know, for the most part, on what they are even before he opens his mouth to object because I know who I married. Yes, we change over the years and feelings change and somewhere down the line I may write, “I thought I knew him…” But, that is not today. I may not always like him but I will love him – till death…
Marriage secrets? DO share!
iNeed a Playdate is a fact, not just the name of my blog.
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