One moment in time..

(picture by Norvz Austria, aka xetobyte,)

Time we waste it, we take it for granted, it flies by, we mess with it (fall back, spring ahead), we wish it would stop, we wish we could have more; we wish we can go back.

Several years ago I decided to start capturing the moments of my life, Pictures capture those one moments in time. But what about those one moments in time that stay in our hearts. those one moments in time we kinda dwell on or hope we can get back..

My heart moments the ones I dwell in are mostly about my nephews.(kids grow so fast).when he would hide my shoes and keys so I wouldn’t leave the house, all the silly games we use to play, when they wanted to go trick or treating with me, when he was so excited to see me he ran to me as I rounded the corner, When I use to hold him in my arms and dance around to my favorite musical artist, when they wanted to hang out with me. so on and so forth

Then there are some one moments in time I wish I can go back and redo, the ones which still haunt me, when he called me to hang out and I had a paper due so I didn’t pick up the phone, when I made the decision to say something about the alcoholism and lost them, The time he called for me to “babysit” after my B.I.L friend died and I was to angry she used him to manipulate me, when the one who would hid my keys told me he would of rather lost aunt so and so and if it made me feel any better he liked me better, when I had to sneak into his HS school graduation.

I miss the boy who use to hid my keys and shoes, I miss the boy who bought me the cubic zirconia bracelet, I miss the boys who I use to play the dancing game with, I miss the boy I held in my arms and danced around with, I miss the boy who use to call me all the time to hang out..etc…

I am reading the book Gospel, by J.D. Greear, the first few pages of Chapter 5 deal with idols. On page 73 the author states “when you cannot forgive someone……………they stole something from you that you think can never be replaced and you cannot stop hating them for it.”..”Bitterness is almost always tied to idolatry someone took something from you that you thought was necessary for life”

My mother and two sisters are not my favorite people and I could probably live my life without them but hate them that’s a little strong. I admit to some resentment and I am trying to let it go so it doesn’t turn to bitterness which almost always leads to hate.

They did take something from me something I feel I cannot replace TIME and when these moments in time flash across my mind I feel melancholy.

I never thought of time as an idol (I knew my nephews were).I was out of their lives from 2008-2012 and two remain out of my life. TIME I missed—birthdays,graduations,getting their permits,prom etc. Between taking jobs that kept me away from the family and going to college-I couldn’t wait to finally graduate and spend all this time with my nephews and have money to do it.I had no idea that they were going to be taken away because I did the right thing.-TIME wasted.I desperately wanted these one moments in time back. By dwelling in this and trying to make up for it I am missing new moments in time with them. TIME lost.

I am letting go of the moments of what once was and accepting what is. God will give me the time back that I think I lost. Last week my nephew helped me fix my bike and it was a moment in time I saw the boy who gave me the cubic zirconia bracelet. Although he may not call me all the time to hang I get to spend about 5minutes with him every week because I pick him up from school and when we first got together he spent four days with me. The one who hid my shoes tells me I didn’t miss so much and I act like I have been out of their lives forever. He tells me he knows it isn’t my fault. (now I want to hide his shoes and keys.). The one I use to dance around with in my arms sometimes lets me dance with him and he is still a big mush. He is getting use to having me around.

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