Enough with the Mompetition, Okay?

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Mompetition: The one-up rivalry that moms play making their child seem better, smarter, and/or more advanced than yours. May involve two or more moms and any number of children, even full-grown. [from UrbanDictionary]

In the world of parenting, I am a noob. You'd think now that Little Man is four, I'd have achieved a moderately higher rank by now. But alas, I have only one child. And he is only four. And I am *gasp* a young mom. Only 26. I mean, my kid is alive now... but from all the unsolicited advice and thinly veiled threats, I wake up every morning thinking Child Services might be staked out in front of my house waiting for me to make a wrong move.

Why is that?! Purely rhetorical. I know why I feel like a parenting noob. Because of those Other Moms. You know them. Gwenyth Paltrow (check out GOOP if you're particularly sadistic). Giada DeLaurentis. Even just a random Facebook friend. Wait a minute... not "even just" a random Facebook friend. Ninety percent of my mom guilt comes from self-righteous Facebook mommies.

Contrary to what the term "Facebook friend" implies, we all know that some of your "friends" are most certainly not friends. Some of them are co-workers. Or people you know through your significant other. Ex-classmates. The list is endless. Sometimes I feel really ambitious and try to whittle down the list of people I don't really give a crap about. And somehow I get about ten or so people in and I'm exhausted. And then in the next few days a couple of these people refriend me with confusion and I just give up.

In order of achievement

One of the toughest groups to ignore read on Facebook are the MOMS. Not that I want to ignore all of them! Your babies are cute. Look at that one covered in spaghetti. Aw, a cat hugging a baby! The cuteness explodes my Newsfeed and I comment on each picture like it is my job.

But there are the others. The ones who inform me that every.single.thing. I have ever done to keep my child alive to raise my son is absolutely wrong.

Status Update: "Little Man ate grapes today for the first time! I can't believe he ate a fruit! I AM A GREAT MOM!"

Mom #1: LAWL that is so cute! I hope they were organic locally grown grapes -- you know that if they weren't he will be exposed to pesticides and chemicals and grow flippers right??

Mom#2: Are you just now introducing grapes after four years? I am sure you cut them in half so he didn't choke to death on them, right?! Princess has been eating grapes for years now and we deseed them individually and cut them into quarters before they are allowed to touch her precious baby lips, just for EXTRA safety. ;)

Possibly an exaggeration. BUT NOT BY MUCH. These women are merely annoying. I can usually roll my eyes at this kind of Mompetition response because well... I let my kid eat bread off the floor when he drops it. And sometimes I look over at him and I'm not even sure what he's found in the couch cushions. I assume it is some more of that bread. I've never heard a news story where a kid dies because his mom did not buy him organic grapes. I've only heard that one news story where someone almost died from a steady diet of chicken nuggets. So these kind of "one-up" comments from Moms are just something I sigh and chuckle about and remind myself to block them from my Newsfeed ignore it.

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