That One-Time He Asked for a Threesome...

 

 
     This one time last summer the guy I was dating at the time asked me to participate in a threesome. This wasn't the first time he asked, but it became the last. Men seem to have this idea - I blame porn- that all women are okay sleeping with each other just to please them, or turn them on, even if they are not lesbians. It doesn't help that almost every television show, music video or film has if not a reference to girl-on-girl action, the requisite drunk girls making out with each other in a club while the men around them watch with glee. And although I had never given Mr. I want it All any inclination or reasons to believe this is something I would do, he automatically assumed I would...
 
     So, I bet you're wondering how he asked me? This is pretty much how the conversation went down...
On the telephone while making plans with Mr. I want it All, he says, 
 
"Would you be okay with spending a weekend with me and ___?" 
 
Me, "A weekend...what do you mean?" 
 
Mr. I want it All, "I mean you, me and her, and we just hang out, drink and let whatever
happens happen..."
 
 
Me, "No, I would never be okay with that and have no clue why you'd even ask me." 
 
Mr. I want it All, "Come on stop being so scared...I'll get you to change your mind..."
 
     I never changed my mind, and I was, and am not in fact scared. I stopped seeing him soon after. Our relationship had always been casual, so I was not hurt by his question, but offended when he kept putting that constant request in after I said no. He literally made it his personal mission to "convert me" into someone I'm not, doing something I would never want to do. This is not the first time this request or assumption has come up in my dating history.
 
     One night while on a date with a guy during dinner by the beach, the waitress was being really sweet to me and offering me wine samples since the restaurant did not serve the only type of wine I enjoyed at the time. And upon her last visit to the table I graciously thanked her for her efforts and lovely service. When she walked away my date commented, "She was sweet." to which I replied, "Yeah she's so cute for helping me the way she did." His immediate and super excited response was, "You're into girls too?!" We went on two more dates and never saw each other again.
 
     I only have three ex-boyfriends and one of them, which I previously blogged about (see post: http://akwardgirlinthecity.blogspot.com/2012/02/my-ex-friendship-flirting-all-things-im.html) is the one that ultimately broke my heart. He and I actually maintained an amazing friendship post break-up and all the make-up times in-between, but I digress. One night many years post break-up we were on the phone for a few hours, and talking about our relationship, our growth as adults and our wants and desires. He and I began to question each other on the things we want to do before we settle down...and he told me that acting out all of his sexual desires was important to him, and something he felt he needed to do before he got married. The number one thing on that list was to have a threesome. When I asked him why, he said that its every mans fantasy to have two women wanting him/pleasing him at the same time, and that he would even be okay just watching them be intimate with each other as long as he were there. That this is an often played scenario in porn, which he watched, and enjoyed.
 
     Let me state for the record that I am not bashing anyone who wants to have a threesome. I can understand where the curiosity and fantasy about it comes from i.e. porn, movies, music videos etc...and of course being desired by more than one person at a time would turn anyone on, male or female. If you are in a casual or serious relationship, and can handle the possible ramifications that come along with opening your relationship up to another person, then by all means go for it. Come on we've all pictured it in our heads at some point in life, but I personally do not like to share, and would not want to be with a man who was so able to share me, whether it be with another woman or man, sharing is sharing...period. For most women wanting to please our partners comes to us like second nature. We meet you, like you, learn what your likes/dislikes are, perpetuate those likes, and try to keep you happy. And there are men who behave in the same manner so don't think I'm knocking you guys! A lot of the time what a woman will say yes to is the want and need to please you, instead of being honest with you and herself, she will put your needs before her comfort ability just to make you happy.
 
     Bringing another woman (or man) into your relationship, even if it is just for sexual reasons can have a massive impact on your partner. Trust issues, jealousy, insecurities, and needs are issues all of us carry around in some form within ourselves, so imagine that magnified times one thousand when there is a third person brought into your relationship. If you are considering a threesome ask yourself and your partner the following questions: 
 
1) Am I/are we emotionally comfortable doing this? 
 
2) Am I/are we in a serious committed relationship? 
 
3) Am I/are we able to handle visibly watching our partner with another woman/man?
 
4) Am I/are we able to comfortably set ground rules for the encounter?
 
5) Am I/are we able to accept, or not accept the emotional attachments that may be formed after this encounter?
 
     Women by nature are emotional, and men are able to more effectively separate emotion from sex. This is something to really consider before deciding to have a threesome. Should you or your partner begin to form an emotional attachment to this new person, how would you handle this? Would you allow this new person to be a permanent fixture in your life? Are you able to let them go, and what if your partner is not? Also remember safety is of the utmost importance: when having a threesome, the same condom cannot be used on two different people, meaning your man needs to change condoms between you and girl number two.
 
     If you are foregoing condoms then all three of you have to be tested for all sexually transmitted diseases on the same day, and preferably at the same place. No matter what your sexual preferences are making sure you discuss them openly with your partner, and all of the consequences, rules and choices that come along with it, the more able you are to enjoy it. Never agree to do something solely to please someone else, because you are cheating yourself out of pleasure, and be honest about what you are and are not open to just like I was. Mr. I want it All still texts me to this day, and guess what he wants...

Jonesie

Actress & Blogger

Blog: www.akwardgirlinthecity.blogspot.com

Twitter: @AwkwardGirlLA

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