That One Time I Tried To Kill My Fiance
By Miriam G Howard on March 08, 2014
I was 95% certain for about 10 minutes the other day that I killed Travis. Normally, before he leaves work everyday he sends me a text that he's leaving. And I ALWAYS pay attention to the time. This day I was being ambitious. Being a wonderful fiancee, I had laundry going and I was trying to finish making a calzone and berry crumble before Travis got home. At some point I realized I had completed all my chores. Everything was cooked and the dishes were cleaned and put away. The laundry was done and folded. I started to wonder where Travis was. I looked at my clock and realized he was a full hour late. An entire hour and a forty five minutes had gone by without me noticing my fiance was not home. For a second I wondered if I had somehow blacked out an hour or been abducted by aliens or something. I have not been so shocked in a while. And clearly my phone would have only 2% battery that lasted long enough for me to try and call Travis before it died. Then I had to wait ten minutes for it to charge enough to even turn on and reach Travis' voice mail. I knew immediately that he must have flipped his car down off of one of the sharp turns. He was definitely lying at the bottom of the hill with no way to call for help with his broken arms and legs. His only hope was that his loving attentive fiancee might notice when he wasn't home and would call for help. Pffffft. I went straight to the neighbors in a total panic as I knew Kim was home with Sven. But then of course there were no cars available on yurt hill, since our other halves were either at work or dying in a ravine. So I had Kim ask Beth to come home for a Travis finding trip. Luckily by the time I arrived home to grab my phone for the trip Travis managed to get the "Got a flat tire in a dead spot" text through. I immediately poured myself a strong drink to congratulate myself for not killing my fiance. Travis came home expecting an extremely angry Miriam (a fair assumption as one of my pet peeves is un-returned texts and call that lead me to assume people are dying) but instead he's been capitalizing on the whole, "Thank God, you're alive!!" thing for a while. I'm just extremely grateful that my phone died before I called the police and told them I accidentally killed my fiance.
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