- Share This Post
- Pin It
- 7
-
Sparkle (0)
I recently made the decision to try online dating. With the combination of my past dating experience and what I’ve read and heard from other people, it quickly becomes apparent what turns me on and what turns me off, what makes me click on a profile versus clicking quickly away, and what has to happen for me to take time to respond to someone’s indication of interest.
Assuming someone has passed the initial general-attractiveness test, the rest of it comes down to simply making an effort, not misrepresenting yourself, and not being sloppy. Here is my list of dating Dos and Don’ts for guys:
DON'T:
Don’t stick to stupid timeframes. A guy waiting 3-4 days after a date is over before contacting the woman to tell her he had a nice time? Dumb. If I didn’t hear from a guy for multiple days after a date, I would assume he wasn’t interested. This is not the olden days of telephone-contact only, when we didn’t want people to think we were sitting at home, breathlessly waiting for it to ring. We know you have a cell phone, we know you have email. Use it.
Don’t talk about sex too soon. If we haven’t met in person and we decide to “talk” through IM, do not bring up the topic of sex. A certain amount of flirting is okay. I can do flirty. But this one guy shared how he wants his next bed partner “to know what she’s doing, because I don’t feel like being the teacher again.” You know, if you want to talk about sex, at least have the courtesy to wait until we know each other a little better. Some girls might not care, but it turns me off. Subsequent IM requests from him were ignored.
Don’t have a too-close relationship with your ex wife. Being separated or divorced isn’t a deal breaker for me. But if you’re divorced, you and your wife shouldn’t be living in the same house.
Don’t misrepresent yourself by using an outdated photo. I can’t imagine anyone ever wanting to do this, but I’ve heard about it enough times that I know it happens. Why would anyone post a photo of themselves that was 10 years old, or showed them 50 pounds lighter? Do they hope you’ll fall in love with them via email first and not care what they look like in real life?
DO:
Do ask me out on short notice. If a guy doesn’t contact you before Tuesday (or is it Wednesday?), there’s some “rule” that you’re not supposed to accept a date for the next weekend because he didn’t give you enough advance notice. That’s a stupid timeframe. If it’s Thursday night and some guy I like calls and asks if I can hang out the following night? I wouldn’t break my plans if I already had something else set up, but if I were free? Sure, I would accept. It’s better that than sitting at home by myself because I was trying to follow “the rules.” How boring.
Do send emails and texts, especially if you happen to work a wonky schedule and it’s hard for us to get together. I like knowing that you’re thinking about me. You’ll know if I return your interest and want it to continue because I’ll answer your emails and texts in a timely fashion. If I didn’t like you, you wouldn’t hear from me.
Do have a driver’s license. If you’re over the age of 18, I expect you to have one. I tend to look for guys who are my age or older, so this means I expect anyone I date to have a license. This doesn’t mean you have to own a car -- some people live in cities and don’t find it necessary to own a vehicle -- but you should at least have the knowledge (and legal ability) to drive one if the situation presents itself. (Yes, there was one guy I talked to for a short time who was in his late 20s and had never had a license.)
Do live in my general vicinity. Say, 20-30 miles away at the most? Men in Pennsylvania and Newport News, VA? You are too far away. Unless there is something ultra-compelling about you, you’re not going to be my first
