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Hi! My name is Zandria, and I live in Washington, DC. I wrote for BlogHer.com for over three years (on topics related to single life and online datin...
 
 
 
 

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Online Dating, One Year Later

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I joined Match.com a little over a year ago, in July 2008. It was a decision I put some thought into before I joined, but I don't recall having any huge expectations. In hindsight, though, this past year has made me a different person, and also, I believe, changed me for the better. The best part is, after all the conversations I've had with so many different guys over the past twelve months, I'm so much more comfortable talking to new people.

Not all of the experiences have been good, of course, but cumulatively I feel like my life would have been much, much different this past year if I'd made the decision not to try online dating. Not so much because of the boring dates -- the times I forced myself to sit through an hour at dinner because I didn't want to seem rude -- but because of a few men who I ended up seeing on a recurring basis. Especially the ones who ended up becoming friends.

(That's always harder, though, isn't it? Taking a dating situation to a friend-situation? At least if there were any kind of feelings involved. Most of my guy-friends are men I've never dated -- I met them through friends or work or school. It tends to be easier that way.)

I was thinking about all this the other day when I clicked on the "Rejected" folder in the Gmail account I created specifically for all of my Match emails and winks to go into. See, whenever I get an email or wink that I don't want to respond to, I label it "Rejected" and file it away. (For people that I've actually exchanged emails with, they get a folder with their first name and screen name.)

As of today, there are 628 emails in my Rejected folder. (But just too clarify, some of those emails are duplicates -- men who have attempted to contact me multiple times, or who sent both an email and a wink at the same time.)

I haven't been keeping track of the number of men I've actually met in person, but I went through my folders today and counted the names of men I remember meeting face-to-face. I came up with 20. That's not including at least 5-6 people who I met offline, so I'd say that I've gone out with at least 25 people in the past 12 months. (And keep in mind, I've been out with some of those people on multiple occasions.)

I'm sure that will seem like a lot to some people, and not very much to others. If you think about it, it's an average of two new people a month. Totally manageable. But how it really worked out is different. There were some instances where I met 3-4 men in one week, but then I'd go weeks at a time without meeting anyone new. And of course the number of new dates would slow down when I was dating someone in particular that I liked.

Earlier this year, when I was dating one person regularly for four months, I only met 2-3 other people during that entire four-month span. And in the past few months, I haven't met any new Match-people at all. The people I've gone out with have all been men I met offline.

Even though I've gone through some tough times, I'm glad I made the decision to put myself out there and meet so many new people. I would certainly prefer that it not be so many new people in the future, but I know that my experiences this past year have been good for me. And I haven't canceled my Match subscription yet.

Here's a recap of some of my dating experiences since July '08:

Last July, the decision to try online dating in the first place wasn't an easy one.

Like pretty much every big decision I make, I realize I've been putting a lot of advance thought into this whole thing -- as opposed to just jumping in, creating a profile, paying a fee, and seeing what happens. It's funny. I've been encouraging to other people who wanted to try online dating, and I don't have anything against it personally, but I've never been wild about using this particular method to meet someone.

I posted about my personal do's and don'ts.

With the combination of my past dating experience

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Zandria 5 pts

You've met your past and current husband on the same site? Maybe you should share the name of the site that's given you such luck (for all those women out there who are wondering where to go to meet someone, that is). :)

Glad you enjoyed the post!

Personal blog: Zandria.us ( http://www.zandria.us )
BlogHer blog: Singles/Fitness ( http://blogher.com/blog/zandria )

MrsCyclops 5 pts

What a fantastic overview of your online dating experience! I really enjoyed this.

On a personal note, I was always interested in online dating. I like what you said about what makes you click on a profile versus clicking quickly away. I think that's one of the biggest advantages to online sitessuch as Match.com - if you really aren't interested in someone and it's more than clear from their interests that they aren't right for you, you aren't obligated to sit through a movie with them or those 101 awkward silences over dinner.

I myself have never been a go out to meet guys type person - especially since I always hear of people going to meet men in bars. Really? Who goes to meet men in bars!? I met several men from a few different online communities - a few of which I have either had a date or two with or even a substantial relationship. In fact, I met my ex husband online... and then met my current husband on the exact same site! Haha

I blog at ShortFatCyclops.com ( http://www.shortfatcyclops.com )

Zandria 5 pts

I’ve found that it really is true that honesty is the best policy. If I wasn’t being honest, my posts would be crap. It’s harder for me to write posts when I’m detached from what I write. :)

Personal blog: Zandria.us ( http://www.zandria.us )
BlogHer blog: Singles/Fitness ( http://blogher.com/blog/zandria )

Bill Cammack 5 pts

Good case study, Z.

Online dating isn't for everyone, but I think it's a really great alternative for women that would rather not hit the streets on a regular basis hoping to meet someone IRL that *MIGHT* be some percentage of what they're looking for.

Social Media allows us to get to know each other very well before ever having to physically lay eyes on each other. :D

~ Bill ( http://billcammack.com/ )
I blog at billcammack.com ( http://billcammack.com/ )

( http://billcammack.com )

Maria Niles 5 pts

Thank you for this excellent overview of the tangibles and intangibles of your year of experience. And thank you for being really honest. I appreciate getting to live vicariously :)

BlogHer Contributing Editor ( http://www.blogher.com/blog/maria-niles )
PopConsumer ( http://consumerpop.typepad.com/popconsumer )
Beyond Help ( http://mariax.vox.com/ )

dawnsmommydearest 5 pts

 What a year this has been! My exp. has not been the best lately.

Maybe it is just me ! Seems like everyone that share the same intrest that I get chatting with live out of state and want me to move to their state to live.  I own my home and there is no way I'm moving!