An Open Letter to Angry People Who Are, or Think They Are, Fat.

I am 5’3” and I weigh 120 pounds. Yay me. And I am
just as entitled to worry about my health and appearance as you are.
The problem I have with you is that you don’t seem to believe that I am
just as entitled to TALK about it as you are.

Today I was on the elevator with two of you, my
coworkers, heading to lunch. You were talking about how you wanted the
ribs or the fried chicken but should probably just have the mandarin
salad with lite dressing and a glass of water, and what would I be
having?

I informed you that I like the cheeseburgers at this restaurant, and was considering ordering one.

You both narrowed your eyes at me. Whatever, you
said, at your age you can eat anything you want, cheeseburgers, all of
that, you don’t know what it’s like to have to watch your weight.

Yes, I pointed out. Yes I do.

One of you looked me up and down and said yeah right, it wouldn’t hurt me to put on a few pounds.

I pointed out that I am a perfectly healthy weight
right now (I owe that to my Depo shots, without which I would still be
a gangly 105 pounds soaking wet) and I intend to stay that way. So yes,
I am watching my weight. Exercise, I say, that’s where I really need to
step up. I may be skinny but I have terrible muscle tone.

Again, you sniffed and rolled your eyes.

What is your problem, people? Is it so wrong of me
to say that I want to take care of my body and I realize that I could
have healthier habits? Just because my problems are not the same as
your problems gives you no right to be rude about it. And I tell you
this: you are rude. Rude, I say.

You’ll see, you say, gray-haired and ageist. You’ll see, when you get older and you’re not 100 pounds anymore, it won’t be easy.

Ladies, it’s not easy for me NOW. I have to fight
to keep weight on while I’m trying to keep my hypertensive diastolic
under control. That in itself is a quandary, because steamed veggies
are great for my blood pressure and don’t help me maintain my weight. I
don’t like that my muscles aren’t what they used to be, so I exercise
and you sniff that I don’t need to get any skinnier. You’re right, I
don’t. Until I started my Depo-Provera shot and gained 15 pounds, I was
pale, anemic and basically had no immune system. And back then you said
I was anorexic and bulimic. You said it was my fault. You were never
happy with my body and you never will be until I start wearing clothes
in double-digit sizes.

Guess what? I have a little pudge on my tummy and
I don’t like it. I should probably do some crunches. I have cellulite
on my ass and my thighs and I don’t like that either. Maybe I need to
get out the weights and do a few squats. There are things I can do to
be healthier, and do you really want to discourage me from doing them?
Does it make you feel better about yourself to be rude to the skinny
girl, to belittle her problems because they happen to be the opposite
of your own?

Sometimes the grass sucks on this side of the fence too.

I eat cheeseburgers because I like them and I need
to keep my weight up, I exercise because I need better muscle tone and
it helps lower my high blood pressure (My cholesterol, by the way, is
quite fine). And you tell me to enjoy it while I can, because I am
surely doomed to one day be as fat as you perceive yourself to be.

Leave the labels out of it: fat and skinny and
obese and scrawny and plus-size and anorexic and all the others. Good
health is the best goal for all of us, whether that means gaining
weight, losing weight, maintaining weight, working out, watching what
we eat, or building our self-esteem in what we are. I don’t want to be
skinny and sick any more than you want to be overweight and fighting
your own set of health issues. So we have a common goal and we both
struggle. Don’t tell me we’re so different.

Healthy is beautiful.

Submitted by shesgotbaggage (view blog

) on Fri, 07/25/2008 - 16:42

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Right, right, right, right!

As my friend JeanneB said .... WORD!!

I know exactly how you feel. EXACTLY.

You're not alone here - there are quite a few of us, in exactly your position.

Thanks for the great post. There's safety in numbers for those of us who struggle to hold onto a healthy weight.
:-)

~Denise
BlogHer Community Manager

Flamingo House Happenings

Submitted by Denise on Fri, 07/25/2008 - 17:00

Yes!

Been there! Lived there for many years.

I've been "underweight" most of my life. It's only been this year that I've really started to gain weight. And it's only since I quit my job (and thus eliminated a HUGE amount of stress in my life) that I've gained most of that weight. I'm now very firmly in the "healthy" range.

I tried for years to gain weight. If I had nickle for every person who told me that they "wished they had that problem" and I had invested in a retirement plan I'd be in great shape for a very early retirement. It sucks. Not being able to gain weight when you are trying sucks every bit as much as not losing weight when you are trying.

Even more than when I ordered a cheeseburger or *gasp* dessert I found I got the nasty looks and comments when I ordered something healthy.

What I eventually realized, and it took me a long time, is that when they were making comments and sending nasty glares my way, it was about how they felt about themselves and had nothing to do with me. Did it make it easier? Not always, especially in the moment, but over all yes. And it's something I remind myself when people "complinsult" me on aspects of my appearance. It's not about me, it's about them.

Sassymonkey and Sassymonkey Reads.

Submitted by sassymonkey on Sat, 07/26/2008 - 10:42

100% spot on.

I could not agree more with Sassymonkey's reply above - they are displacing their own issues/feelings about themselves onto you. Its not really about you at all, its about what is going on inside their heads, about themselves. They are angry/jealous/resentful/whatever because they don't understand, and may not ever. Its easier to just be pissed at other people because they can eat a cheeseburger and you can't, rather than to empower yourself, reach your goal, and then have the dang cheeseburger yourself once in a while.We all have our own battles in life, and I think its great that you post this here, because maybe some other readers will get some insight from it, and if they are on the other side of the fence, will keep this in mind the next time they have this type of conversation with a "skinny" friend.

Hang in there, and when you start feeling down, just keep in mind that you have to do what is best for your own health and wellness, and let other people - and their comments and actions - go.

Sheila

www.livewell360.com

Submitted by LiveWell360 on Tue, 07/29/2008 - 11:10

Spot On!

It's such a shame. As I always say we are a nation obsessed with eating and eating disorders. People naturally assume that if someone is slender then they MUST have an eating disorder or somehow its "not fair" that you "can" eat a cheeseburger.

It's a shame that the petty attitudes of junior high never leave some women.

I applaud you for accepting who you are and maintaining a healthy body. People who have never been sick don't understand the change you feel in how you care for your body or how you see your body. So many people don't understand that some people can't put weight on no matter how hard they try and that doesn't make those people lucky. Its the same as someone who looks at a slice of pie and gains 5 pounds. Lots of people struggle with weight in different ways and all battles are hard regardless of if its gaining or losing.

You should be proud of yourself that you didn't sink to their level of making snide comments. I always believe that saying nothing or killing someone with good manners speaks volumes. Remember that those people ARE rude and were clearly raised in a barn. Keep eating your cheeseburgers and forget about the people who are too rude to mind their own food business.

Self-discovery through fashion!

www.wisdomofglinda.com

Submitted by GlindaofOz on Mon, 08/04/2008 - 05:23

Wow, perfect timing

Have you seen "a fat rant" by Joy Nash and the corresponding "a skinny rant" by Lauriestar on youtube? I found "a fat rant" from fellow blogher Gena "out on the stoop" and am blogging about both of these and the way we treat each other, whatever size we are here.

washy || http://washwords.com/words || washwords.dc@gmail.com

Submitted by washwords on Mon, 08/04/2008 - 06:03

Exactly On Point!

You are so right!

We need to stop hating our fellow women (why is it mostly women who do this?) for the way they look, stop labelling them and judging their decisions.

The women you had lunch with were making choices on their own. Choices of what to eat, and choices of what to think.

I've been too thin, too heavy, and now I think I'm just about right for my age. I have never been "lean" and still can't really call myself that.

I watch what I eat, but I don't obsess. I have more fat I could lose around my middle, but I'm not going to make those inches the focus of my every day life.

I exercise hard.

I exercise to stay sane: it decreases the severity of my anxiety and depression.

I exercise to stay alive: I plan to stick around for 40 more years, and live the best life I can for as many of them as I can.

I exercise to lessen the aches and pains of middle age.

I don't need to justify these actions to people (mainly women) who feel poorly about their own bodies and need to take me down to feel better.

Debra
A Stitch In Time
Weight for Deb

Submitted by debra roby on Mon, 08/04/2008 - 06:19