An Open Letter to Martha Stewart

She is the Betty Crocker version of all the Ken Lays and Bernie Madoffs out there ripping off the world. I still can't believe she is popular as ever and people still listen to her, as is evinced in your post. I wouldn't use anything she endorses even if I was given a lifetime supply. I guess ethics have really gone the tube. After all, she's still being broadcast through one.

To measure the thickness of a pumpkin you simply grab the fat calipers you bought x number of diets ago, because you told yourself that it wasn't the number on the scale that mattered, it was how you looked. Once you find them, you resist any impulse to use them on yourself. And then you congratulate yourself on finding a use for expensive and otherwise neglected calipers.

To measure your insanity, simply tackle any Martha Stewart project while sober.

As far as the shiny new drill...I'd say your options are either a complete sobbing breakdown, or waiving it about maniacally!

: )

Marianne at Mealmixer ( http://www.mealmixer.com )

I hate Martha Stewart, stupid conniving little bitch! Go you!

You would think she would instruct everyone to NOT put glue on the bottom of the pumpkin, and to drill the holes BEFORE applying the glue!
It's nice that she leaves out those little important nuggets of information. Sometimes I think she does that just to make us regular folk feel stupid, lol.

Your entire scenario played out before my eyes. You certainly have mastered the art of storytelling. How frustrating and yet funny. You have made my good day even better. Thank you.

Carmen Hollywood's "Sexy Food / Sexy You" is expected to debut mid November of 2010 at www.carmenhollywood.com ( http://www.carmenhollywood.com )

As someone who writes a somewhat satirical Martha Blog, all I can say is...

ROTFLMAO!!

Except, well, you don't really SAY that.

I pursue much that is Martha. I enjoy it - it's fun.

But, while I haven't glued any produce to my work surface, there were a few mishaps...

When I tried to make crepes without any knowledge or instruction in how to turn them. Did you know that flipping up from the pan, flapjack-style, will lodge a crepe into your exhaust fan?

Or when I followed the instructions for making custom designed candles using patterns printed on window film. Uh huh..apparently you should take the film OFF before you actually LIGHT the candle. Plastic window film? Yeah. Highly flammable.

And there are times when I KNOW that the pretty picture of the roast has involved spray-paint. I'm sorry, braised pork IS NOT THAT COLOR IN REAL LIFE.

And yet...

I carry on the quest.

But I'm way bummed about your drill.

Lori, speech pathologist, writer, and business owner, blogs home-family-working-mom drama at In Pursuit of Martha Points. ( http://inpursuitofmarthapoints.com )

As soon as she says the words "very fine" or "very easy." I know I'm screwed!

where two versions of this pumpkin were entries. Unfortunately, the evening turned misty and damp. Those suckers were electrically charged! We all kept getting shocked!

Think it through Martha!

Oh my. This is a classic post.

I don't have a Martha bone in my body.

Contributing Editor Jenna Hatfield (@FireMom ( http://twitter.com/FireMom )) blogs at Stop, Drop and Blog ( http://stopdropandblog.com ) and The Chronicles of Munchkin Land ( http://thechroniclesofmunchkinland.com ). She is a freelance writer and newspaper photographer.

since her Ham 101 recipe blew the door off my oven. Yes, that's right, it blew the door off my oven.

Retro-Food.com

Soooo funny. I had to read this out loud to my dear husband. Who by the way is also rolling on the floor with laughter. You certainly have a way with words, if not with pumpkins.

Kudos to trying it though. I have to give you an A for effort, that's for sure.

Brenda

www.OutsideOurBubble.com ( http://www.OutsideOurBubble.com )