The order in which our 20 hour van trip went awry, the short version.

1. We backed out of the driveway. 

2. Contents of car:

Me, husband, 2 kids, 2 dogs, pile of xmas movies, 4 LL Bean bags of clothes, 127 hot wheel cars, 3 nerf guns, 2 chaise lounge patio cushions, 2 king blankets, 2 pillows, 76 i-everything chords, one dog kennel, one 20 lb, bag of dog food, 2 carseats. 

3. Ten mins down the road we turn around and go back. Forgot crap. 

4. We stop twice first hour and finally get going in hour three. 

5. Stop in Nashville. I insist on making it count and want authentic BBQ. It is 10 PM. Only place open has bars on windows and is hooked to a gas station. Sign says, "Please remove hoods before entering." Husband says we are going in. 

6. Placed closed at 9:30. We eat Sonic corn dogs. 

7. 14 hours later we decide to stay at a hotel. We have four hours before we need to start back up again.

8. Not paying over $100 for hotel. Let me just share the picture of the microwave, below. 

9. Start again. 6 hours to go-We are in the home stretch of this thing. 

10. Stop at gas station. 

11. Husband makes the catosprotpic decision to buy a fucking bag of Cheetos at the gas station. 

12. Everybody is crusted in electric orange faux cheese.

13. Can't find the wipes, so I instruct our kid to let the dogs lick his fingers. 

14. Youngest lost his pants. I don't know exactly where, but it was sometime around Kentucky. The cuffs got wet from the snow at a gas station stop and he refused to put them back on. Fine. I can't be the only parents whose kid arrives in subzero weather, pant-less. 

15.. Make pit-stop in St.Louis for winter clothes. Husband allows kids to pick out a toy. 

16. No shit, my kid picks out a blow-up punching bag. You know the type. 5' and a water filled bottom. 

17. It's blown up in our car. FML

18. Contents of our car: 

2 parents, 2 kids, 2 dogs, pile of xmas movies, 4 LL Bean bags of clothe, 127 hot wheel cars, 3 nerd guns, 2 chaise lounge patio cushions, 2 full blankets, 2 pillows, 76 i-everything chords, 1 dog kennel, 1 20 lb, bag of dog food, 2 carseats, blow-up thing, race-track, bag of Cheetos, two new dog collars, sonic wrappers, spilled milk cup, speeding ticket (he got it)...minus one pair of pants. 



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