The order in which our 20 hour van trip went awry, the short version.
1. We backed out of the driveway.
2. Contents of car:
Me, husband, 2 kids, 2 dogs, pile of xmas movies, 4 LL Bean bags of clothes, 127 hot wheel cars, 3 nerf guns, 2 chaise lounge patio cushions, 2 king blankets, 2 pillows, 76 i-everything chords, one dog kennel, one 20 lb, bag of dog food, 2 carseats.
3. Ten mins down the road we turn around and go back. Forgot crap.
4. We stop twice first hour and finally get going in hour three.
5. Stop in Nashville. I insist on making it count and want authentic BBQ. It is 10 PM. Only place open has bars on windows and is hooked to a gas station. Sign says, "Please remove hoods before entering." Husband says we are going in.
6. Placed closed at 9:30. We eat Sonic corn dogs.
7. 14 hours later we decide to stay at a hotel. We have four hours before we need to start back up again.
8. Not paying over $100 for hotel. Let me just share the picture of the microwave, below.
9. Start again. 6 hours to go-We are in the home stretch of this thing.
10. Stop at gas station.
11. Husband makes the catosprotpic decision to buy a fucking bag of Cheetos at the gas station.
12. Everybody is crusted in electric orange faux cheese.
13. Can't find the wipes, so I instruct our kid to let the dogs lick his fingers.
14. Youngest lost his pants. I don't know exactly where, but it was sometime around Kentucky. The cuffs got wet from the snow at a gas station stop and he refused to put them back on. Fine. I can't be the only parents whose kid arrives in subzero weather, pant-less.
15.. Make pit-stop in St.Louis for winter clothes. Husband allows kids to pick out a toy.
16. No shit, my kid picks out a blow-up punching bag. You know the type. 5' and a water filled bottom.
17. It's blown up in our car. FML
18. Contents of our car:
2 parents, 2 kids, 2 dogs, pile of xmas movies, 4 LL Bean bags of clothe, 127 hot wheel cars, 3 nerd guns, 2 chaise lounge patio cushions, 2 full blankets, 2 pillows, 76 i-everything chords, 1 dog kennel, 1 20 lb, bag of dog food, 2 carseats, blow-up thing, race-track, bag of Cheetos, two new dog collars, sonic wrappers, spilled milk cup, speeding ticket (he got it)...minus one pair of pants.