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I write Stirrup Queens when I'm not reading other people's blogs, cooking, or chasing after my twins. I'm the author of two books: Life from Scratch,...
 
 
 
 

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The Other 99%: Supporting Military Families

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Raise your hand if you or your partner serves in the military. I'm willing to bet that the majority of us are still sitting here with our hands by our side. This is because less than 1% of Americans are part of an active military family.

When I went to the White House earlier this year, a staffer said something that resonated with me:

"1% of the population is serving, and 100% should be aware of their sacrifice."

I have to admit that because my family isn't actively involved in the military, it's very easy to simply ignore the armed forces beyond what I read in the newspaper. Prior to hearing that quote, I hadn't given a lot of thought to the hardships of military families except the ones I personally know. (And even that, offering to babysit a bit or giving them a gift card doesn't really cut it.)

Being aware of the sacrifice is a simple task: I read blog posts by military families. I read about how they lived and their day-to-day worries. I read about women who worried about their partner's safety while he was serving overseas. I read about kids who were having trouble in school because they were uprooted once again. I read about what it feels like to say goodbye to your partner for an extended period of time, not sure how often you'll be able to speak to one another much less see each other again.

Just as every American should spend some time on a farm to see exactly how the food they eat is produced -- an act that will make you look at food waste in a whole new light -- every American should spend some time getting to know the enormous sacrifices military families make daily. Not just in actively placing themselves in harm's way, but the family members who remain back home, forgoing jobs, moving from state to state, rebuilding their lives over and over again. And they often do this while worrying about their family member who is serving.

Okay, so awareness is the easy part in fulfilling that quote; the question is -- what are we going to do about it?

The White House announced a new imitative on Tuesday called Joining Forces. According to a White House press release:

The initiative aims to educate, challenge, and spark action from all sectors of our society – citizens, communities, businesses, non-profits, faith based institutions, philanthropic organizations, and government – to ensure military families have the support they have earned.

Major employers such as Walmart and Sam's Club have committed to mindfully hiring from military families. Health care organizations have committed to mindfully reaching out with both physical and mental health care services and information. Education and technology groups are working on ensuring that the children in military families are well-educated as they move from location to location.

That's what all the organizations and companies are doing. But here on BlogHer, we need to ask what we can do as the average citizens who didn't raise our hands with the first question. BlogHer is addressing this with a series of posts giving you insights into the world of military families and giving you concrete things you can do in order to get involved.

To start,

  • Go explore the new site for the initiative, Joining Forces. You can input your zip code and see volunteer opportunities in your area.
  • Jump into the community formed by Household 6 Diva bringing together military families with civilian families (and add yourself to the blogroll if you are a military family).
  • Start reading the blogs on Household 6 Diva's blogroll getting to know the day-to-day world for military families.

Let us know in the comment section below what type of stories you'd like to see addressed as part of this project. And let's get started supporting that 1% who make the sacrifice of protecting our country.

Photo Credit of the First Lady and Lieutenant Commander Todd Hazlett: Official White House Photo by Pete Souza.
Photo Credit of the First Family with the Monti Family: Official White House Photo by Pete Souza.

Melissa writes

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Contemplations of an Army Wife 5 pts

Thank you so much for this. As a veteran with a husband still active duty and serving in Afghanistan, knowing that people care is a real comfort. Especially on the bad days.

Thanks again.

Elaine Williams 5 pts

Riegelwood Federal Credit Union has taken on a great fundraiser for our military... "Cell Phones for Soldiers". We are located in NC and have invited several businesses in our area to come on board as a cooperative effort to collect cell phones for our active military soldier! We are so excited to be able to do something worthwile for our boys that are in the armed forces!Thank you for this great blog!

renka10 5 pts

Nothing against civilians but they just don't get it. When you spend 23+ years with a certain way of life and suddenly it's gone, you're left wondering what to do. People don't understand that all 5 of our children were born in a different place. Our girls have been called liars at school when they talk about being born in Turkey and Guam respectively. Kids just don't understand that being in the military is not like the typical 9-5 job where you're home every night and you live in the same house the entire time you're growing up. My two step kids changed elementary schools 3 times in the same year. That's a lot to ask a kid to do. Not to mention all the "careers" and promotions that I had to pass on because I knew that I'd be moving in a couple years. Now it's hard to relate to people who just don't have any idea what it's like to move every 3 years, to leave friends behind and have to make new ones, to pack and unpack a house so many times that you just don't accumulate stuff anymore. Even now that we're "settled" into retirement, I get that itch every so often and feel like it's time for something new. It gets in your blood and people just don't understand.

renka10 5 pts

First, thank you for your post and your efforts to bring to the forefront all that the military members and their families go through on a daily basis. I've been there, in their shoes and understand completely what it's like to be left at home with the kids to take care of everything. My husband is now retired but we're still here, working to help those that still serve. As a former military member myself and then a spouse of an active duty member, I'm a big supporter of helping our military. I think this is a wonderful thing and it's about time. Those that are serving are kids for the most part and they're sacrificing without question so the rest of us can enjoy the freedoms that we have. The least we can do is help take care of their families back home. I love this and just can't say thank you enough for what you're doing. Bless you and all who are serving.

murphyma 5 pts

I was where you are last year. Realizing that most people in my nice, secure world don't care at all about the war or the people fighting it. And I was one of them.
Then I discovered Soldiers' Angels, an organization that enables people at home to "adopt" military personnel. It's been a wonderful eye-opener for me & allowed me to get to know & say thanks to 100+ soldiers in different ways.

On the topic of military wives, this is a great post that's been making its way around:
http://militarygear.com/asp/2008/02/20/things-not-... ( http://militarygear.com/asp/2008/02/20/things-not-... )

isthisthemiddle 23 pts

You make such a good point about supporting vets. I teach at a community college in a military town where many of my students are former military who have served multiple deployments. They have many big adjustments to make in civilian life, but I'm constantly amazed by their drive to achieve and the way they support each other.

I love teaching the vets, but I see them struggle to get benefits they have more than earned and it makes me crazy.
PTSD and TBI are huge issues as well for my students, both for the vets trying to cope with the long-lasting effects and the military spouses and children also dealing with the fallout from these illnesses. Most Americans have no idea-- I wouldn't if I didn't work where I do.

I tried to cover some of what my students experience in this blog post.
http://isthisthemiddle.blogspot.com/2011/04/longes... ( http://isthisthemiddle.blogspot.com/2011/04/longes... )

Thanks again for discussing our military families.
Melanie

Melissa Ford 10 pts

This was eye-opening for me because -- as an outsider -- my impression was that once you were military, you were military for life. As in, even if you weren't actively serving, you were part of the community.

Melissa writes Stirrup Queens ( http://stirrup-queens.com ) and Lost and Found ( http://lostandfoundandconnectionsabound.blogspot.c... ). Her novel about blogging is Life from Scratch ( http://www.life-from-scratch.com/ ).

bibliophile21 6 pts

I'm thrilled to see more emphasis being placed on recognizing the sacrifices by military families- I was an Army spouse for 4 years. I'd also like to mention that Veterans (those who have served in the military but are now retried or honorably discharged) need support as well. There may not be much available for military, but I'm finding out since my husband was discharged that there are even less for Veteran families. You talk about how different the military life is- imagining going from that to suddenly being a civilian again. The structure, hierarchy, uniform, community, even the language is different. Literally one day you're in and the next you're out. It's shocking and has really made us, especially my husband the soldier, re-evaluate pretty much our entire lifestyle. Previous comments have mentioned the soladarity and feeling of community within the military- we lost that. So many people, both in the civlian and military worlds, act like once the discharge is final then the years in service go away- and they don't. We've lost our military family, and we'll never really be able to relate to our old civilian one because they can't understand the military part of our life. It's sad, and lonely.

Melissa Ford 10 pts

These are really good questions and I'm holding onto them because I believe that we're going to have a chance to ask them.

Melissa writes Stirrup Queens ( http://stirrup-queens.com ) and Lost and Found ( http://lostandfoundandconnectionsabound.blogspot.c... ). Her novel about blogging is Life from Scratch ( http://www.life-from-scratch.com/ ).

Melissa Ford 10 pts

That absolutely should be a post -- what not to say (and conversely, what definitely to say).

Melissa writes Stirrup Queens ( http://stirrup-queens.com ) and Lost and Found ( http://lostandfoundandconnectionsabound.blogspot.c... ). Her novel about blogging is Life from Scratch ( http://www.life-from-scratch.com/ ).

samstandring 5 pts

I am also a milspouse blogger. I love this new initiative. I hear that Walmart and Sam's club will make more of an effort to hire military spouses.. But I'm concerned about the follow through?

You reported here that the health care industry is getting involved to offer support... I'm looking for more information? What about TriCare? What is the practicality of their contribution?

I appreciate the First and Second Ladies commitment to military families.. but I'd like to hear more discussion about protecting retirement benefits (there's long been talk of slashing retirement pay as well as raising the price of TriCare on retirees), as well as the protection of the Active Duty member's pay (considering the recent talk of government shut down and the subsequent loss of pay- if an agreement weren't reached). Generally I'd like to hear more discussion about protecting those who protect the country. The Supreme Court recently ruled that The Westboro Baptist that it was within their Constitutionally protected rights to continue to protest at funerals of our fallen service members.

toloveasoldier 5 pts

How funny, I actually just wrote about the 1%! I am an army wife and I think most Military spouses would agree that we would LOVE for people to know how to talk to us. People who don't know this life either ignore the subject like its the elephant in the room or ask questions that they THINK show they care but really are offensive. Asking things like: "Aren't you scared he will get killed?", "Don't you wish he was home?" and statements like: "How terrible he has to go.", "I'm sure you must hate it." I think educating the civilian world on HOW to talk to us and what are good questions to ask can do a world of good! Thanks for writing about this! I, for one, am incredibly grateful for the 1%. I would love if you checked out my blog at sometime. The post that speaks a lot on this subject is entitled Keeping Grace http://toloveasoldier.blogspot.com/2010/09/keeping...

Thank you again!

Melissa Ford 10 pts

I'd actually love to hear your reservations. It would help me to understand that world better.

Melissa writes Stirrup Queens ( http://stirrup-queens.com ) and Lost and Found ( http://lostandfoundandconnectionsabound.blogspot.c... ). Her novel about blogging is Life from Scratch ( http://www.life-from-scratch.com/ ).

TimsArmy Wifey 5 pts

most American's have no clue about what military life is really the like and the sacrifices made by not only the soldiers, sailors, airmen and marines but also their families. I have my reservations about this particular iniative but if it brings more awareness then great! I have a blog as well... I don't think it's actually on Household6 Diva because everytime I try to add it my computer locks up! (it's a huge list!) .... http://www.timsarmywifey.blogspot.com

Thanks for the article!

Melissa Ford 10 pts

And I want to echo my thank you to YOU. For having your family make this enormous sacrifice on behalf of all of our families.

Melissa writes Stirrup Queens ( http://stirrup-queens.com ) and Lost and Found ( http://lostandfoundandconnectionsabound.blogspot.c... ). Her novel about blogging is Life from Scratch ( http://www.life-from-scratch.com/ ).

rovingrose 5 pts

Echoing my fellow military spouses who have already commented ... First, thank you for your post. Second, any act of kindness, no matter how small you might think it is, can make a big difference in the life of a military family. A thank you in public addressed to my husband (& to me & our children) puts a smile on my face that is hard to rub off. Those who have shoveled my snow, helped me move a car, babysat my children, made us a meal, mentored my oldest when my husband can't ... I'll never forget. Kindness supports me, helps me get through when times are tough.

Melissa Ford 10 pts

Thank YOU. For the enormous sacrifice your family makes on behalf of all of our families.

Melissa writes Stirrup Queens ( http://stirrup-queens.com ) and Lost and Found ( http://lostandfoundandconnectionsabound.blogspot.c... ). Her novel about blogging is Life from Scratch ( http://www.life-from-scratch.com/ ).

Melissa Ford 10 pts

A great point -- it's not just when people are deployed. It's also about the challenges families face when they're back together again.

Melissa writes Stirrup Queens ( http://stirrup-queens.com ) and Lost and Found ( http://lostandfoundandconnectionsabound.blogspot.c... ). Her novel about blogging is Life from Scratch ( http://www.life-from-scratch.com/ ).

w3haley 5 pts

I can't thank you enough for adding another voice to the lifestyle of military families. As a 3rd generation Army wife, I can't say it enough.....it's a tough lifestyle we lead.

Thank you.

Ann Marie @Household6DIva 5 pts

I relate to the stories already mentioned in these comments. One of the beautiful things among Military Families is a feeling of solidarity - we've all been there - and in that, there is both strength and strain.

After ten years of war, families are coping with moving to new places, new job interviews, and multiple deployments (my husband is currently on his 4th.) This is not to mention volunteering to help other families within the community The stress can be overwhelming.

I look forward to reading more as you shed light on the everyday lives of military families.

I encourage you to look past the Hallmark moments of Welcome Home ceremonies to the long days of deployment for SAHM moms of small children as well as the months of challenges these families face after the service member returns home from a long separation.

Ann Marie
Army Wife, Busy Mom,
Balance Seeker

www.household6diva.com ( http://www.household6diva.com )

Melissa Ford 10 pts

Thank you for that link! Heading over to check it out.

Melissa writes Stirrup Queens ( http://stirrup-queens.com ) and Lost and Found ( http://lostandfoundandconnectionsabound.blogspot.c... ). Her novel about blogging is Life from Scratch ( http://www.life-from-scratch.com/ ).

Melissa Ford 10 pts

It's good advice whether your neighbour is military or not. Very few people want to ask, but most are willing to take the much needed help when it's offered.

Melissa writes Stirrup Queens ( http://stirrup-queens.com ) and Lost and Found ( http://lostandfoundandconnectionsabound.blogspot.c... ). Her novel about blogging is Life from Scratch ( http://www.life-from-scratch.com/ ).

jesstagirl 5 pts

As a semi-new military wife and writer, I really appreciate this series. Like the first commenter, I moved to Georgia just after getting married and my husband deployed shortly after. The friends you make literally become your second family. We're currently getting ready to move overseas (thanks to the military!), and I'm excited for the opportunity.

Another great resource to get an inside-look into the military spouse life is at www.spousebuzz.com ( http://www.spousebuzz.com )

Twinisms 5 pts

As a military family, what I really believe will help is just for people to pay attention to what is going on around them. My husband was gone for a few months this winter and one neighbor plowed the driveway for me, the other neighbor didn't realize he was gone until days before his return. No military family wants to hang a sign outside that says, "help us!" We live in a culture where being strong and resilient is everything. However, that does mean that help is not welcome and appreciated. The neighbor who plowed for me simply noticed that my husband was gone, that his truck hadn't moved, that I attempted to shovel with 2, 4-year-olds running around and then gave up. His act of kindness helped me & made me feel secure.

Melissa Ford 10 pts

I can't really fathom it -- not in the real sense. That's why I'm reading so many of these stories and attempting to mentally put myself in their shoes. Because it's an enormous sacrifice on behalf of the whole military family.

Melissa writes Stirrup Queens ( http://stirrup-queens.com ) and Lost and Found ( http://lostandfoundandconnectionsabound.blogspot.c... ). Her novel about blogging is Life from Scratch ( http://www.life-from-scratch.com/ ).

TW 11 pts

Does it count that one of my daughters is a military wife? (and three of our six grew up in a military family) They've been married for just about two years, but it seems like very few of those months has he actually been home. It's tough on them both as a couple. (Can you imagine being young, newly married, in a state you have never lived in...but almost as soon as you moved there your new spouse is shipped out for months at a time? You have no job right away. You may or may not know one or two people from other places you have lived. Ugh! All those "first year of marriage adjustments"? Those don't take place during that first year--meanwhile time is ticking and visions of babies dance in your head.)

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