Our Bodies, Our Selves, Our CHILDREN'S Selves
by It's Love Your Body Day. That's a good thing, and, also, a very, very sad thing.
It's a good thing for the obvious reasons. We should all love our bodies, all the time. But there's the issue that makes it sad: we should love our bodies all the time. Not just for one day. Always. Which, I know: OBVIOUSLY. We know this. We know this well. We should love our bodies every day, every time we look in the mirror, every time we glance down at the landscape of our physical selves. For our heart's sake. And for our sanity's sake.
And for our kids' sanity's sake.
I've written about wanting to love my body. Most of us have written something on the theme, at some point. But I was reminded the other day, by an anonymous post that was submitted to the Basement, that there's a good reason why we should make every effort to love our bodies, and be vocal about it: because our kids are listening.
The author writes:
I can remember the first time my mother called herself fat in front of me. I was 4. She had just had my sister, and was depressed. She cried. I understood then that being fat was one of the worst things in the world. It was to be feared and hated. Skinny people were worthwhile. Fat people were not.
I grew up scared to mention anything about my mother’s appearance, even if I thought she looked pretty. I knew what the answer would be: “Oh, my rolls are showing. My butt looks big.” Though she always told me I was beautiful, talented, smart, loved and worthwhile, I knew differently. I, after all, was just like her.
And I felt those feelings festering inside myself. And I hated myself for being weak like her.
She goes on to say that she's frightened to have children, because she's frightened to pass on this legacy, which in her case developed into an eating disorder:
I’m scared to get married to the man I love, the man I have lived with for nearly three years, because I’m scared to have children. I want them desperately, but I don’t want to see the click in my daughter’s eyes the first time I slip up and she, too, equates fat with worthlessness.
We need to love our bodies for own sakes, of course. But isn't it as important to love them so that our children will learn to love theirs?
So, maybe, if you do decide to do a post for Love Your Body Day, consider writing not only about how and why you love your body - or strive to love your body - but also about how you impress that love upon your children. What are you doing to ensure that your children grow up with a healthy body image? To ensure that they love their bodies every day?
(Oh, and? It's also Blog Action Day, and the theme is poverty. BlogHers Act Canada joined in: check out Sam's post here. And then write your own, even if it's no longer the 15th - because every day is a good for blog action, just as it is a good day for loving your body out loud. DO BOTH.)
Catherine, aka Her Bad Mother, is working her arm muscles and learning to love her muffin top, although not necessarily in that order.
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Comments
Celebrating your body
This is not ENTIRELY to the point maybe, because I don't plan to post about this on MomGrind and this is not about children... but I HAVE to share something amazing that one of my readers, Elizabeth of Urban Panther's Lair, wrote in a comment on my blog yesterday.
Elizabeth said:
"I have a belly piercing. I got it because my stomach was starting to
get a little rounded (hey, I am 45) and I wanted to celebrate my body
and say ‘belly, you are beautiful!’. I LOVE my belly piercing."
That is one of the most beautiful, positive, EMPOWERING things that I ever heard a woman say about her imperfect body.
---
I blog at MomGrind
I manage my kids' activities at UpToUs
Walking the next generation out into the
light
That's how my mom describes this process - that each generation gets a chance to walk the next one further into the light.
My mom was taught her body was vile and never to be trusted. She discovered that to be a lie, and taught instead that our bodies were wonders to always be admired and loved and honored.
And me? For me, the next step out into the light is not worshipful love, but compassion, kindness, affection, and acceptance. My body is not the temple my mother's was - I do not rise to each physical challenge with radiance and endless energy, I don't glow through pregnancies and my breasts sure as hell didn't look like hers after she breastfed seven kids ... and still didn't need to wear a bra. After one kid, I looked far worse, and after four, well, she's 73, and now we're closer to comparable. I didn't just stand where she left me, body-image-wise, though. My job wasn't to rejoice in my body and call it holy, it was to welcome it as it was, lumps and sags and bad knees included, and to call it a friend.
Teaching that compassion isn't an event, but a conversation with my kids--one that won't ever end. It isn't a lesson imparted once and always at risk of shattering in the light of a bad day or a self-critical look in the mirror. It's today, and tomorrow, and the day after that, and next year, and a decade from now. It is letting them teach me, as much as I teach them. It is petting my daughter's fuzzy back and rejoicing in the softness, and letting them pat my belly and rejoice in its fluffiness. Kind, silly, playful, sometimes energetic, sometimes tired (okay, often tired!), good days, bad days, they're all part of the deal. That's my one more step out into the light for them.
Hands Full of Rocks: http://hedra.typepad.com
Intentional Role Models
Amen! If we want our daughters, and sons – let’s not forget them – to develop a “love my body attitude” then we have to role model it. How many times have we been told we have to be good role models? Too many? We all know that we are the most important person in our children’s lives and they draw in everything we say and do. I am talking about a role modeling that goes much deeper – role modeling that is authentic, genuine and real. I always strive to role model intentionally, not by default. As parents, we act as barometers to our children – one they regulate themselves by, set their moods to and dream from. If we are not authentic, they sense it, and if we are not honest, they know it. They are very sensitive to the nuances in the verbal and non-verbal messages we deliver to them. So let’s make sure we examine our true feelings about our bodies first and strive to be authentic about them. The example this will set and the ongoing dialogue it opens will be so much more powerful and effective.
PCI Certified Parent Coach ®
www.theprogressiveparent.com
Love it
I saw the title of this post and said "Yah, you're so right!" That's one of my biggest motivations for being active and working to eat well and lose some weight - so that my kiddos can see that it really is a process and a lifestyle, that our bodies are worth taking care of, and while we don't obssess over them that we love them. Awesome post!
Who decides what's normal, anyway? It's OK to be WEIRD!
Move It
Dancing is a great way to love your body without having to say anything about it. When you're moving and shaking it's implied that you're lovin' your bod.
http://www.partywithaninfant.blogspot.com
http://www.kauiharthemmings.com
Move It
Dancing with your child is a great way to love your body without having to say anything about it. When you're moving and shaking it's implied that you're lovin' your bod, and they're using it to move and have a good time.
http://www.partywithaninfant.blogspot.com
http://www.kauiharthemmings.com