Our family and MCAP.

I must have sat here for at least a week thinking of a clever beginning for this blog post.  And the only thing I could come up with?  Nightmare.  One word.  That's all I can use to describe this situation, and the nightmare that it has been.  Almost two years ago, life with my oldest child completely changed, and it wasn't even her fault.  There are no words to describe the pain and frustration you feel when you see your child go through something that you can't even control, no matter how hard you try.

Three years ago, our family made a PCS move to Germany.  We were so excited to start a new journey in a new country, and let our kids experience what the world has to offer.  My husband and I had just discovered we were pregnant with our second child, and of course we were overly excited after trying for nearly five months after he returned home from his deployment to Afghanistan.  So here we were.  Pregnant, moving to Germany, and life couldn't have possibly been any better at that point.  Fast forward to the next year.

Our lives changed on my daughter's 7th birthday.  As she was getting ready for school, we were talking about how excited we were for the evening ahead.  It was her birthday, and we were determined to make it an amazing birthday.  The next thing I know...she collapsed in front of me.  Her eyes rolled back into her head, and she wasn't moving.  All I remember is screaming. Panicking.  Freaking out.  About 30 seconds later, she started crying and asking what happened.  I honestly had no idea what to say.  I just sat there and held her.  Five minutes later she had no idea what happened.

I immediately called my husband who rushed home from work, and we immediately took her to the ER.  After several tests, doctors concluded she had her first seizure.  They wanted to admit her, but they told us since it was her birthday, that we could take her home for the night but we needed to bring her back the next day to have her admitted so they could run more tests.  We agreed to bring her back, and we did so the next morning. 

Our son was 3 months old at the time.  So on top of having my oldest in the hospital, I was also caring for my newborn son alone due to my husband's work not allowing for time off yet.  I have never felt so alone in my life.  It wasn't my husband's fault, and I never blamed him and I never resented him for it.  He's in the Army, and I knew that they weren't always going to be understanding of some situations.  But that doesn't change the fact that I felt more alone than I ever thought I could.  I was in a foreign country, communicating with doctors that spoke very little English, and trying to take care of both kids while staying with my daughter in the hospital.  I don't think this is a situation that many people would want to be in.  But  I had to do it.

I will never forget this phone call I made to my husband.  The doctor came in the room, and told me that I need to call my husband to be with me because he had some news that he didn't want me to be alone for.  Not exactly something any mother wants to hear. Ever.My husband got to the hospital as soon as he could.  He meets me at the door with tears rolling down my face.  I haven't slept, at this point, in about two days because my brain just wouldn't shut off.  The doctor informs us that since this is my daughter's first seizure, her brain activity was ''not normal'' even after it being nearly 48 hours since the seizure  happened.  They proceeded to tell us that they need to do an MRI and rule out brain tumors, since I have a family history of brain cancer in my family.  This is when panic set in.

After another 4 days of tests and going back and forth with doctors, it was determined no tumors, no brain cancer, no epilepsy since it did not fit the ''qualifications'' for that diagnosis.  But we were still left with more questions than answers as to why her brain activity is the way it is.  We were finally given a diagnosis.  MCAP.

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