Our sex life has died, can we reincarnate it?
I am a 32 year old Afircan American woman who is in a relationship with a 40 year old man who is losing me in our sex life. I haven't lost any love for him, whereas, my desire for sex with him is slipping away. We have regular relationship issues, nothing that threatens our love. Okay, we've been together for 2 years and have a set of twin boys. Our sex problem started early into my pregnancy, he was scared he would hurt me, he wouldn't sleep in the same bed with me he thought he would hurt me while he was sleeping. He has gained at least 80 lbs since we've been together; now his weight has become something he won't share with me either (numbers anyway), he does not deny he has a lot of work to do though. The distance started around the 4th month of my pregnancy, we found out it was twins at 7 months (yes, 7 mnths; that's another forum huh), I was so huge at this point, it was no question that sex was totally out of the question. (Mutually understood at this point). I quietly counted down the days to 6 weeks after I deliver the twins. I had never been so horny in my life and even lonely, being that he was not sleeping in the bed, holding me, taking me out or anything. He had to do all the things I was unable to do like, hold down his Government job, cook, wash clothes, etc. I wonder can men hold down the balance of home and still remain balanced sexually and mentally? However, after delivery we realized he had gained so much weight that sex was not as good as it was before, of course I never verbally shared this with him, he would complain after sex when he hasn't satisfied his own ego by knowing he didn't do much for me. I quietly agreed. Sex, intimacy, companionship and personal relationship came when he felt like it which was maybe once a month and now has come to missing some months in whole. (What am I supposed to do)?? Since July we have had sex 4 times!!!! Did I forget to mention we live together full time. Now, I like to satisfy the man I love endlessly, I need to be satisified in order to keep this momentum going; the last 2 times were complete disasters! Disaster #1: (09/08) Pleased me orally until I cried out for the real thing (Not sure how most other women feel but for me one doesn't go without the other) real thing came and no show for action, had then pleased himself and could'nt get back up. I was overheated with no hopes of a cool off. Disaster #2: (10/08) (The ultimate let down) Pleased me orally again until I cried out for the real thing, pleased him orally and bam no happenings. Couldn't even last through his treat before it was curtains. He complained and complained about his prematurity and said maybe he should see his doctor, I never disagreed with him. He hasn't gone yet; we still have yet to do anything. I told him I had done some research on what he thinks his problem is and told him what little info I found, I also gave him personal advice and told him I think it is the lack of sex (the frequency) that has him over excited and unable to control himself. He definitely had stamina and could last long in the beginning. He said he hope that was the problem and would try later that night, well we have'nt been able to make a connection yet. I feel myself not wanting to set myself up for the big let down. So this morning before work, he wants me to jump up and give him "a little bit", I said no; I need more than a little bit and it seems you want me to keep settling for "a little bit" oh he promised he would give me the "real thing" tonight told him he's a lie he know if I get up and give him "a little bit" it will be another 40 days before I get "a little bit more". What do you think, was I wrong in my morning approach and any suggestions what I should do??