Overbearing Mother In Law!!!
This is my first time blogging and I decided that I need an objective third party to give me advise and thought this would be an awesome way to go about it.
So here it goes.....
My husband and I have been married for about 3 years and we have a beautiful 13 month old daughter. The problem is that my mother in law is a very controlling, overbearing and manipulative person and my husband does not see it. I didn't realize how bad my MIL was until after my husband and I were married and we decided to relocate closer to his family.
This issue has basically torn our marriage apart and because of it I'm not sure that it will survive and it has only gotten worse since we had our daughter. Basically my MIL tried to take over as being my daughters mother from day one and she basically refuses any attempt at me standing up to her. She basically ignores me and continues to do what she wants. I have talked to my husband about this and he just says that his mother wants to be involved and she has good intentions. Basically a few months ago I told my husband that enough was enough and "WE" needed to put up boundaries with his mother or else I was leaving him. I typed up boundaries which my husband agreed too and we emailed it to his mother. But we also had to e-mail it to my parents as well so his parents wouldn't feel singled out.
His parents where extremely upset by this and cried on the phone to my husband about it for hours. They could not understand why we were being so mean to them, that all they wanted was to be involved in their granddaughters life. (BTW this is their first and only grandchild, also my husband is the youngest of 3 boys and the only one married or in a committed relationship.)
There are several other issues that my husband and I are dealing with but this issue seems to be the one that we can never get past. We moved away from his parents about 8 months ago but even being 7 hrs away hasn't stopped them from meddling in our lives (they were visiting about every 2 weeks sometimes twice in a week and staying at our house, taking it over and basically expecting our lives to revolve around them.) Since we instituted the boundaries they have visited once in about 1.5 months. Now we are trying to organize what we are doing for Christmas and it's causing issues. Is it ok for me to say that they can visit but they have to stay at a hotel? And when it's time for them to leave that my husband needs to make sure they do? Also how do I get my husband to see things from my point of view?
My MIL can be abrasive and loves screaming and yelling to get her boys to do what she wants (her husband included) but she has also mastered the art of seemingly being nice but actually being nasty. I think my husband is so used to her that he honestly doesn't see or or doesn't think there is anything wrong with her behavior. Also as a side note I know that my MIL is bad mouthing me to her friends and family behind my back because I have had different people ask me about things and the stories that she tells are so outrageous and so far from the truth that it's preposterous.