Overeating to Numb the Past

So when my daughters are actually sick and I have to keep them home from school, I try my damndest to keep my cool. I don’t want my kids to feel my anxiety, and develop their own worries. So I stifle my fears. I care for them with a smile on my face and the “hell-no-Mama’s-not-worried” voice.

“Eh, you’re not that bad. It’s just a little cough.”

After the lights are turned off and the kids are tucked into bed, with the whir of the vaporizer as their white noise; my mind turns to that full box of Goldfish crackers in our pantry and an inviting bottle of Pinot Noir.

That would take the edge off.

And as I center my breathing, I remind myself, “Don’t compare this sickness to the past. We’ll get through it again.”

I’d like to say, my meditation techniques help me avoid the panic attacks, but someday I’ll walk right past the pantry and the liquor cabinet, and be secure in what life gives me.

But that day isn’t quite here.

 

Stacey Hatton is a kids RN, mom of 2 feisty munchkins and blogs at Nurse Mommy Laughs.

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