Parenthood is Like Being a Flight Attendant

Several weeks ago, while navigating and orchestrating a particularly hectic morning, I found myself saying the words, "Please turn off all electronic devices and remain seated in your room until I tell you it's okay to come out."  Now, these words were not spoken in anger or frustration, rather they were delivered in a calm, direct and to-the-point manner. They were words that needed to be spoken so that the arguing and bickering would cease at 7:20am and I could salvage what was left of my sanity.  

After the words came forth from my mouth, I thought "Oh, God, I sounded like a flight attendant."  Well, of course, being the Dalai Mama that I am, that's all I have been thinking about since then.  See, when an idea pops into my head, it's all I can think obsess about.  I have been rolling this idea that parenthood is like being a flight attendant around in my head for the last two weeks and quite frankly, I need to get it out onto the blog so I can move on with my life. 

So here it is:  Parenthood is like being a flight attendant.

1.)  Before anyone boards the plane you must take care to prepare the plane for guests.  You spend loads of time prepping, cleaning, and stocking the plane for take off.  You stock the plane with extra pillows, blankets and barf bags. 

This is akin to prepping your home for the little bundle that will soon be arriving at your home.  If you are a first-timer you spend hours agonizing over the crib sheets, butt wipe warmers and changing tables.  You may even partake in birthing classes and breathing technique seminars.  You stock up on diapers, bottles and laundry detergent patiently awaiting the arrival of your precious bundle.

2.)  The guests arrive and you smile politely and welcome them to the plane.  You show them to their seat, ask if they are comfortable, and if they need an extra pillow or blanket.  The guest smiles politely back and gets settled into their seat. 

The day finally comes!  Your sweet, precious baby that you have waited for so long is finally here.  You bring them home for the first time, tuck them into their new bassinet and fuss over which blanket to use to cover them as they sweetly sleep most of the day.  That innocent face as they silently sleep ensures you that life is grand and all is well with the world.  You are on cloud nine.

3.)  As all the guests settle in their seats, they get a little more comfortable, turning on their electronic devices, phones and iPads.  You let this continue but you know in the back of your mind that, at some point, you will have to put your foot down.  Just not yet.  You'll let them have a little more fun before you trample their good time. 

As your new baby gets comfortable in their new home, things start to change.  Your little angel doesn't seem to sleep as well as those first days.  In fact, your angel baby seems to have been replaced with some demon spawn that refuses to eat, sleep or be put down for more than 5 seconds.  You decide to be courteous and not loose your shit just yet.  It's just a phase. Right? 

4.)  As the pilot prepares for take off you make one last trip down the isle assisting guests.  You take your position at the front of the plane to go over the emergency procedures and rules for the flight.  "No smoking. No electronic devices.  No getting up until I say so. Here's your emergency door. This is what you do if the plane goes down. Yada Yada Yada."  The guests grumble a little at the rules but most comply and turn off their devices and buckle up.  You take your seat at the front of the plane and prepare for take off.

Your little darling reaches the ripe age of two, or three for some, and things drastically change.  Finally, one day, you stand up and say "NO! You can not play on the iPad!  You sit down until I tell you to get up!"  Your toddler grumbles a little but stays put in the naughty chair for the designated amount of time. 

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