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What the Show "Parenthood" Says About Working Moms

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Parenthood Premiere Party in LA

After spending several weeks focusing on the challenges of a working mom, a recent episode of the new and somewhat uneven NBC drama Parenthood delivered a complicated take on a mother who seems conflicted about having left her career to raise her children.

Two primary Parenthood characters made different choices when it came to work and motherhood: Julia Braverman-Graham chose the fast-paced life of a corporate attorney whose husband is at home full-time raising their grade-school-aged daughter Sydney. Meanwhile, Julia’s sister-in-law, Kristina Braverman, gave up her career as a legislative deputy in municipal government in order to raise her daughter, Haddie, – now 15 – and her son Max, 8, who was just diagnosed with Asperger’s Syndrome.

Their two lifestyle choices clashed recently when Julia agreed to allow the teenaged Haddie to shadow her at work for Career Week. In preparation for her daughter’s day at the law firm, Kristina dug through boxes in her garage – stuff that was designated for Good Will – and found her old pair of black work pumps and tried to give them to her daughter. Eyeing the shoes, Haddie shook her head, “Aunt Julia works in a real office.”

Hurt, Kristina responded, “I wore these real places.”

When Julia arrived to pick up her niece, Haddie literally ran out the front door with her mother chasing close behind, awkwardly trying to slip on a pair of boots as she was calling out that she had Haddie’s egg salad sandwich. But Haddie didn’t want her mother’s egg salad sandwich, or her outdated black pumps. In fact, she didn’t want anything that her at-home mother was trying to give her.

After spending the day with her aunt, Haddie was wildly enthusiastic, telling her parents, “It’s so nice to have this female professional that I can look up to.” Kristina, standing in the kitchen in front of the makings of peanut butter and jelly sandwiches, was stung as she listened to Haddie wax on about how Aunt Julia is greatly respected at work, had a male secretary and had lattes delivered to her whenever she wanted them. “It’s like she’s her own powerful woman, you know?” Haddie said.

This storyline reminded me of the argument you sometimes hear against moms giving up careers (or scaling them back): That being an at-home mom sends a negative message to girls and that the children, who are robbed of a strong “powerful” female role model, won’t respect their mothers. At least that’s how it was played on Parenthood with Kristina’s 15-year-old daughter clearly looking down on her mother.

And Kristina picked up on that as she almost defensively pulled out a box of her old work files and began overtly sighing and laughing over them in order to get Haddie to ask about it. “I saw how excited you got with Aunt Julia over Career Day and I got sort of nostalgic,” Kristina said, mentioning the days when she worked in local government.

“Right, weren’t you, like, a councilman’s assistant?” Haddie asked, unimpressed.

Kristina flinched and corrected her, saying she was a “legislative deputy” and had successfully helped draft a local ordinance regulating roadside billboards. “Oh, okay, so, like, you stopped there from being too many billboards . . . Cool,” Haddie said dismissively.

“It passed, this ordinance passed,” Kristina said proudly, pointing to the file. Then, to burst her triumphant bubble, her 8-year-old son walked into the kitchen and said, “I want eggs today,” as though she were his servant.

With a sigh, Kristina said, “Okay, we can do eggs.”

By the end of the episode, Kristina’s husband Adam brought Haddie to a park that Kristina had convinced a developer to build adjacent to where a new office building was going to be erected. “Without her, this wouldn’t be here,” Adam said, to which the now impressed Haddie said, “Wow, that’s so Erin Brockovich of her.” Later, Haddie delivered a latte to Kristina while Kristina was putting towels away in the linen closet. Although it seemed like it was meant to be a happy ending, it didn’t feel all that happy

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jessa3 5 pts

The show (and these comments) gloss over the fact that the decision to stay at home or not is only available to a privileged few, and that a strong majority of mothers in the United States have jobs. The show implies this with Sarah and Jasmine, but they are both single mothers. It would be great, as a commentator noted, if the show had a two working parents, which would allow them to really dig into co-parenting issues. The one episode where Joel had a contracting job, and they showed Julia and Joel trying to work out Sydney's schedule did not seem realistic to me--they never suggested getting a babysitter for Sydney; and this storyline has yet to be continued even though Joel said that he had to take on more jobs.

korivin 5 pts

Yes, the episode left a lot to be resolved but, that is how life often is. It is not always tied up with a neat clean ending.
Also, I don't think Haddie is at an age that she can really see what is really going on in each woman's life. Things are not often what they seem.

www.mylittlecornerdesign.com ( http://www.mylittlecornerdesign.com )

DebMomOf3 5 pts

I always worked full-time out of the house until I was laid off in 2008. Since then I've been home while job-hunting and trying to find ways to replace at least some of that badly-needed income.

One thing I noticed about Parenthood (I do watch and enjoy the show) is that the two families are basically flip-flops of each other. Julia is a working mom with a stay-at-home husband, where Kristina is an at-home mom with a working dad in the family. Neither really reflects the reality of a two working parent home, which causes an even greater amount of stress in a working mom's life. None of their kids are in daycare, and there's none of the daily juggling that goes on in terms of which parent will handle doctor's appointments, get the kids to after-school activities or practices and such. I do think there's a lot that the show hasn't explored (yet?). But I do like where they're going with these themes and that they're recognizing the conflicts that ever mom faces, no matter what her choices in life are. I really like this show! :)

Deb - Mom of 3 Girls

http://www.momof3girls.net

http://www.momstakeonthings.com 

Mama Jennifer 5 pts

It seems to me that regardless of the choices we make, we women always second-guess ourselves and feel conflicted. I'm not sure why we do this to ourselves, but I know that I do, and my friends do too.

--

Jennifer

Happy Mama Gifts ( https://www.happymamagifts.com/ )

thebeanblog 5 pts

I thought it was a very good episode and very realistic. It shows both sides of this mommy war we mommies tend to put ourselves in for some reason. The fact is that many working moms have moments of doubt about their decision to work and may even feel guilty for not being home. And many at-home moms have their own moments of doubt about their decision to stay home and may feel nostalgic about what they gave up. But in the end, even with the nostalgia and guilt, most moms are happy with whatever decision they ended up making. Which is exactly how I feel the storyline is with both Julia and Kristina.

The fact of the matter is that whether Kristina was working or not her teenage daughter would likely look down on her. If the roles were reversed and Kristina was the lawyer, then Haddie would look to Julia as the awesome mom who is always there for her daughter and can bake her cookies and help out at school. That's what teenagers do. The have the "cool aunt" and their parents are lame. I think Adam did a fantastic job of opening up Haddie's eyes to how truly amazing her mom was, and still is, without being too preachy.

Also, when Julia made the comments about the mom who "doesn't even work" it was more out of jealousy then really looking down on stay-at-home moms. It was a way for her to put down this woman whose spending all this time with Julia's husband and daughter. I think she truly felt horrible for making the comment and didn't really mean it. She was upset and made a comment she shouldn't have and just wanted to be mean to this women who already had all this time with Julia's husband and daughter and was now trying to steal Julia's parking spot. We've all been there. Julia is really struggling with her feelings of jealousy and we've seen this theme from the beginning; including the episode where she tried to teach her daughter to swim. Julia enjoys being a working mom, but is struggling with trying to balance work and home and she doesn't have a lot of friends to talk to about it. All of her daughter's friends have stay-at-home moms. She's not always handling herself very well, but I think she's a good person just trying to deal with her emotions.

Christine
The Bean Blog ( http://www.thebeanblog.com )

JennaHatfield 58 pts

Though it's in danger of being cancelled (probably because I like it and any show I liked is given the axe), I'm adoring Parenthood. I'm identifying with many of the inner conflicts on the show for various reasons.

As a career woman who became a mom who left the broadcast newsroom to work from home when her oldest son was eight months old and returned to the newspaper newsroom as a parttime photographer when her youngest was almost two... I've been visiting and revisiting these same issues over and over in my own head, on my own blog. I think, thus far, they've been handled pretty decently on the show. I hope that the show is given enough time to work on these issues on deeper levels so that we get to see some real nitty-gritty without the Mommy Wars drama of it all.

Jenna Hatfield (@FireMom ( http://twitter.com/FireMom )), from Stop, Drop and Blog ( http://stopdropandblog.com ) and The Chronicles of Munchkin Land ( http://thechroniclesofmunchkinland.com ), is a freelance writer and newspaper photographer.

natalied6579 5 pts

I have really been enjoying the show and thought the episode had a lot to stay about the tough choices moms have to make. I'm not a mom, so I don't have personal perspective but I did have a mom who stayed at home full time until my sister and I were in school and then worked part-time in the school until I was about 10, when she went back to work FT. Maybe this is just me loving my mom but I think she was able to give me both sides and I am very grateful for it.

On a side note, I thought Julia was saying "she doesn't even work" about the fact that the at-home mom (who had cut her off in the child drop off line earlier in the episode) didn't have anywhere she NEEDED to be. Although, that is stereotypical in and of it self.

lovemedaily 5 pts

I work at home now, but I used to work full time and I was greatly conflicted as Julia is shown to be. As a stay at home mom, I'm conflicted as well.

They don't really capture it all. As a working mom, I would get home and clean and be exhausted and want to be with my daughter.

As a stay at home mom, I'm not entirely so defeated. I'm tired of SAHM being degraded to women whose lives are over. I am actually very happy being SAH. Although I used to be conflicted, I am more comfortable with my role. Moreover, I am a multitasking SAHM and most of the women I know are as well. None of them simply stay at home and cater to their children all day. They have home businesses, they do freelance work, the take classes.

Anyway, that's my two cents. What's yours?

ms_lorelei 5 pts

Interesting discussion. If you'll forgive me, I haven't watched the show, just had some thoughts about the topic in general.

And basically it's: grass is always greener.

As a mom who worked full time and was the principle breadwinner for most of my son's younger child-hood, I have lots of feelings about the conflict between the identities of self and how those identities can be in conflict because it is simply not possible to be all things to all people. (Or even, all things to one little, sneaker-wearing person.)

I worked, and I envied the moms who got to go on field trips or participate in classroom activities. And I talked to stay-at-home moms who envied my professional persona and the respect I earned outside my house (not to mention my paycheck.)

My son had the benefit of a professional role model, but not the benefit of a mom who got to be the favorite of his classmates because she did the best voice in the reading group. Others kids had it the opposite.

But my feeling is that a loving, strong parent (of either gender) who is capable, emotionally generous and involved is a successful parent, and in the end, one child simply has a different set of memories than another.

And then when they're angsty teen-agers they can compare who had it worse...the one with the mom who was "never around" or the one with the mom "who smothered."

'Cause really, we never win. ; )