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Parenting Special Needs Children

June 03, 2009 6:40 am by Kelly Wickham in Family
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Without a doubt, this parenting gig is hard. One of the better quotes I've ever heard uttered about parenting is in the movie "Terms of Endearment" (1983) when Emma (played by Debra Winger) explains to her husband just how difficult parenting alone will be for him. She says, "As hard as you think it is, you end up wishing it were that easy" and it's the most poignant and honest assessment of parenting as I think I've ever heard.

Before the arrival of "mommyblogs" most of the parenting highs and woes I've shared have been with friends or during playgroups my children were in (or sports, dance, karate...you name it!) and also by getting support from my mother and the elder, wiser women in my life. But it's no secret that writing about parenting is both cathartic and a great way to connect with other parents. There's nothing worse than feeling like you're the ONLY ONE EXPERIENCING THIS. 

This week's BackTalk is, admittedly, one of my favorites (do I say that every time?) because it showcases some parents who have unwittingly become experts in the area of special needs children. They've done so out of necessity - they are the parents of special needs kids. It also speaks to my heart as an educator because of the variety of children that come to school. There's a reason for that: I'm the mother of a special needs child myself.  As a parent I need that outlet and that support and I get that from reading and responding to blog posts from parents who are dealing with the very things I deal with as a mom.

Speaking of babies (weren't we? I think so!) this baby project of BackTalk has been an amazing venture for me and a way in which to grow personally and professionally as a blogger. Without BackTalk I know that I wouldn't have been exposed to as many new bloggers and wonderful writers online. We hope you've enjoyed BlogHer Backtalk! The video production crew is
taking the summer off. Let us know what you've thought of this program
and what you think BlogHer should try next. BlogHer is always looking to highlight blogs and women and showcase the best of what the web has to offer. 

Thanks for letting us work with this medium! We've loved every minute of it! 

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Julia Roberts
Julia Roberts 5 pts

Thanks for focusing on parents with special needs kids. I have two myself and connecting with others has been my lifeline.

See you at BlogHer!

www.supportforspecialneeds.com ( http://www.supportforspecialneeds.com ) - new social networking site for special needs families and those that love them.

Julia Roberts (Not THAT Jula Roberts)

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scidmail
scidmail 5 pts

It would be great if BackTalk could be captioned in order to provide access to a whole other set of special need familes.

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zazupitts
zazupitts 5 pts

hiya!

I like the fact that we are reaching out to mommies of special needs kids...they DO need to know they are not alone.

I'm not a special needs mommie -- but I see a lot of their comments and stories on the caregiving forums out there. They do feel isolated, since their story is often unique -- every child and family structure is different, after all. But they deal with the common struggles of caregiving: fatigue, burnout and resentment. And on top of that, guilt because they are not SuperMommies.

Please keep up this mission...and be sure to emphasize the empowering messages:

a) It's okay to NOT to be ALL things to everyone at once

b)  Someone out there might have faced the same issue ...and might have some good advice on how to handle it. So reach out and ask!

c) It's vital to find acceptance of the diagnosis, because then you can be open to the peace and fulfillment that naturally follows acceptance

good luck!

Living in Caregiverland

www.Caregiverland.com ( http://www.Caregiverland.com )

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Lisse
Lisse 5 pts

 This is the first Backtalk I've watched. I've been a mom for 6 years, but I am just gearing up for the role of advocate. This felt like a bit of a pep talk, and I'm grateful for it.

- Lisse

@ Home in the World: International Adoption and Other Travels ( http://homeintheworld.typepad.com )

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CJENGO
CJENGO 5 pts

Amzing post. As a fellow mother of a special needs child I agree with all you said. Thank you for sharing 

Jenn

www.cjengo.blogspot.com ( http://www.cjengo.blogspot.com/ ) ~ The pregnancy according to Jude; The diary of a baby and a stroke.

www.ourfamviews.blogspot.com ( http://www.ourfamviews.blogspot.com/ )

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Lisa Stone
Lisa Stone 6 pts

By/for parents of special needs kids -- and really all children:

Jenifer Graf Groneberg ( http://jennifergrafgroneberg.wordpress.com ) and her book Road to Holland. Amazing writer, beautiful insights on living with/around a child with Down's Syndrome.

Can I Sit With You ( http://canisitwithyou.org ) by Shannon Des Roches Rosa and Jennifer Byde Myers. I've read with/given this book to our sons, ages 9 and 13 now, and they really got an enormous amount out of it.

Lisa Stone
BlogHer Co-founder ( http://www.blogher.com/member/lisa-stone )
Surfette ( http://surfette.typepad.com )

BlogHer is non-partisan but our bloggers aren't! Follow our coverage of Politics & News ( http://www.blogher.com/topic/politics-news ).

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Lisa Stone
Lisa Stone 6 pts

What a beautiful and important comment. Thank you.

Lisa Stone
BlogHer Co-founder ( http://www.blogher.com/member/lisa-stone )
Surfette ( http://surfette.typepad.com )

BlogHer is non-partisan but our bloggers aren't! Follow our coverage of Politics & News ( http://www.blogher.com/topic/politics-news ).

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laura4687
laura4687 5 pts

I enjoyed listening to what all the parents had to say, and agree with all of it.

I am the mom of a 17 yr old daughter who has an extreme, persistent anxiety disorder and well as a learning disability.   We are also legal guardians for our nephew, who is 16 yrs old, and has ADHD.  

One of the things that wasn't discussed in backtalk conversation that I feel is so important to acknowledge is that grief that comes with a special needs child.  At all different stages of development, as a parent, there is a process of continually letting go of the dreams or expectations that come with that age/developmental stage.  

With my daughter being 17 yrs old I find myself in that process once again.  My daughter can't deal with or do a lot of the things that some of her friends without a disability are able to do.  And while many of my friends are easing back into life without constant parenting I find myself still as involved as I have always been.  

I am grateful to be my daughter's biggest fan.  I am grateful to have the ability and the willingness to stand in there and deal with whatever the day brings, and I am sad at times, that her life still looks so much like it always has.  There are limitations for her that will always be there.  

 Thanks for the topic on backtalk... and all the references to other blogs from parents with special needs kiddos.    

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