Parenting Teens: Piercings and Tattoos?

See, I don't know if I buy the whole, wait until you're 18 thing.  If they REALLY want something at 17, they know the deal (NOT easy to remove, painful to remove, expensive to remove, etc, etc) does it make a difference?  As soon as they turn 18 BOOM, they are going to get it?  Our 17 year old told us he wanted ink.  My husband and I both have multiple tats, so who are we to dissuade him or tell them that he will regret.  We told him the risks, explained that you need to look at a tattoo as something that is forever, did he still want one?  Yep, he did, he worked on the design with my husband, and we took him to the same place we go.  He loves it, and is already planning his next one.  Piercings I can take or leave, if the older boys want them, I'll do the same thing I did with the tattoo talk-explain the risks, etc. 

I believe it depends on your personal experience with piercings/tattoos. I personally have no tattoos and therefore i'm not as open to the idea of my son getting them (not that he wants to). But at the end of the day if its really important to them they will just do it anyway so you might as well be part of the process.

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The tattoo and piercing place we go to has minimum age requirements for all their services. As long as she meets the minimum age, I'm OK with whatever she wants to do.

Oh, and she has to pay for it herself.

That stuff is expensive!

shasta
bloggingwithmittens.com ( http://bloggingwithmittens.com )

My son has been begging for permission to get his ears pierced since he was 9 ... I kept saying "when you bring me a perfect semester..."

Because he is an average student, I thought I'd be waiting a LONG time!

8th grade graduation was filled with tears, perfect semester, a Presidential Scholar Certificate, accolades from Head of School ...

Two weeks later, both ears are pierced and well, he's happy and so am I ...

I'm Houseonahillorg ~
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Let's see, Bitchy has a belly piercing and several ear piercings; and Sassy has more than several ear piercings and THREE TATTOOS.

I give up.

My husband and I are tattooed. I am pierced. I am not easily fazed. My husband actually got his first tattoo when he was 16, accompanied by his dad. His father's instructions were, "Nothing vulgar. No dancing/naked girls. And pick something you'll want to live with. Forever." My husband chose well. We're both planning our next tattoos. Not matching tattoos. No.

Anyway, should the boys want one, we'd have similar rules. And, really, I couldn't care less about piercings EXCEPT that they be done by a reputable piercer. That INCLUDES ears. NO GUNS.

Jenna Hatfield (@FireMom ( http://twitter.com/FireMom )), from Stop, Drop and Blog ( http://stopdropandblog.com ) and The Chronicles of Munchkin Land ( http://thechroniclesofmunchkinland.com ), is a freelance writer and newspaper photographer.

Most piercings will grow shut without any residual scarring. The ones that do leave scarring are soo tiny that most people would not even notice them.

I'm a fan of both tattoos and piercings. I have 7 tattoos and plan on more and also have a few piercings. I would like for my kids to wait until they are 18 to get a tattoo because I want them to be sure it's something that they are going to want forever and not just some silly trendy thing that everyone else has. Piercings can be taken out easily if they change their mind so I would let my teen get any piercings he or she wanted. I'm not afraid of my child being unique and piercings are not forever like a tattoo is.

As my kids are only 7, 6 and 2 I am not really even close to having to have this answer figured out. But if I had to say now, I'd say no tattoos before 18, I will not pay for them and if they're still in my house they WILL be able to cover them up because I don't want them living at home forever because they can't get a job because of a bad choice. That said I think some tattoos are beautiful and I'd have at least one if it weren't for my fear of needles and pain.
As for piercings, those I'd allow a little earlier because they can easily be removed and don't seem nearly as permanent. Again, i wouldn't pay for them (this means I wouldn't have to be mad at them for wasting my money if they let them close) and I wouldn't go for anything that involved permanent damage such as lobe stretching or tongue splitting. Since I have boys, I'd prefer they not pierce anything but who knows what will be popular in 10 years.

I have tattoos--and piercings...so I am not about to object when my kids want them. Ok, so my kids are currently 9 and 6--but after my now 9yo started talking about getting Hannah Montana tattooed on her chest, singing and dancing in front of her microphone, I started to tell both kids, and everyone else who would listen, that you really need to think things through before you do them. You have to be 100% sure you are going to like, say, Hannah Montana for your entire life, because that is how long you are going to be living with her. It is good to say the Hannah fever lasted for a little more than a year...and has now faded from memory, thankfully. My 9yo's desire to have a snake tattoo, however, has not changed...only where to put it and which snake to get have changed...
The same goes for piercings...think about it and be sure. Even if you decide to take the piercing out and let the hole close, there will always be a scar there...I know. I've had my belly button done twice--once I got pregnant and had to take it out. The other time I had to remove it overnight and the hole closed up, that quick, and I decided it was not worth the effort to do it again. Even earrings leave scars once they close up.
So long as they think about it, and understand the repercussions...like some places will not hire you if you are tattooed and/or pierced...then they are free to do what they want to do.
I'm good with that.

Tabitha journeyman.silkenthread@gmail.com http://knittingjourneymanredux.blogspot.com/

Yes. I would and I have. Both my older sons have tats. Not sure how many between the two. Several. None of my girls have tats. But piercings...many. Ears, noses, belly buttons. Its all about personal expression.

Tats have to wait until they are 18. The tattoo parlor we use won't do it even with parental consent. I like that. I have ears and nose piercing but no tattoos. At 51 - I am thinking about it. Sure glad I didnt get that little butterfly I wanted on my butt when I was 17. It would now be a LUNA MOTH!!! But I figure my body is pretty much the shape it's gonna be so maybe it would at least stay in the right vicinity!

I have advised them at times not to get things pierced because some of my girls have sensitive skin. And when they went against my suggestion...sometimes its been fine, sometimes I was right.

Husband has no tats, no piercings. But oddly would kinda like me to get one. Maybe because he knows I want to. Maybe he likes it. His answer is always "it's your body".

There is immeasurable value in what I do. I won't ever believe otherwise. www.notquitejunecleaver.com ( http://www.notquitejunecleaver.com )

Heck it still isn't always easy even now that they are officially adults, heh.

With the first child's tattoo, it was a very small butterfly on her lower back. With my son it was a much larger evil clown thing on his leg. With the last one, it was much much easier, even though it was a large tattoo on her arm. She worked hard on that design and she had a great artist who worked with us to make sure it was beautiful, and just what she wanted. Even then, it was a little difficult to get used to. Now - we all really do love it.

Every time one of the girls gets a new tattoo, I feel a wee bit of anxiety though lol. Particularly for those really large pieces on their rib cages. I keep waiting for my son to get a new piece - I have no idea what that's going to look like, or where, but I'm sure it's going to be big. ;-)

~Denise
BlogHer Community Manager
Life. Flow. Fluctuate.

Denise,

I'm glad I'm not the only one who wants and allows their children to be who they are going to be!!! Just wanted to give you props. Love, love, love the elephant. I have four tattoos and it would be really hard to tell my children no after both my husband and myself have multiple tattoos.

Luckily my daughter, who is very artistic, has an aversion for the stretching and gaging of the ears. I am bracing myself for all the tattoos that I know she will probably have as an ADULT but I am so thankful that she thinks the stretched ears are gross. They actually smell bad (really really bad). Our rule is once you leave the house, you are the owner of your body but you have to live with it for the rest of your life. My 20 year old son was sporting pierced nipples a year ago but finally after having them torn while tussling with our 11 year old he opted for removing them.

She had a rough few years. :-) And "oh my" is pretty much what I said... after I said "are you freaking crazy?" which... see "rough years" when she thought she was, literally. :-)

~Denise
BlogHer Community Manager
Life. Flow. Fluctuate.

It's not visible unless I'm wearing a bathing suit. It's not my favorite tattoo but I certainly don't hate it. I often forget I have it actually. I got my next tattoo about 6 months later. Impulse, completely an impulse. Picked it out of the flash and I love it.

My last tattoo I got just for my hmmm I think it was my 28th birthday. It's my largest and I love it. It's my favourite.

( http://www.flickr.com/photos/sassymonkey/481898586/ )

I can't do piercings. I've tried. I get keloids. Even my last two tattoos are slightly raised (especially the one of my shoulder). The one pictured above is just barely raised. Actually my tongue piercing was ok, though I let it grow over when I was 24.

Contributing Editor Sassymonkey also blogs at Sassymonkey ( http://sassymonkey.ca ) and Sassymonkey Reads ( http://sassymonkeyreads.ca ).

What does she need to remind herself of?

Elizabeth

@texasebeth ( http://twitter.com/texasebeth )  and My Life, such as it is.... ( http://texasebeth.blogspot.com )

My mom let me get my ears pierced (conventional one on each side) when I was young... probably 5-8 years old.

I got my second and third piercings on each side when I turned 13. Since that's how old you need to be in Claire's to get them by yourself (or ... at least I got them by myself) I got all the way up to 9 piercings on each ear (from bottom to the top cartilage). Those all got infected, so I just kept three in each ear.

I had no desire for any other piercings...

Tho when I turned 18 I got a tatt, and got my second when I was 22.

Kids? I don't have any...I'm only 24... but when I do, piercings will be a yes (NO tongue--don't need my kid with a numb tongue if something goes wrong), and no eyebrow. But bellybutton and anywhere on ears, as many times as they want, is fine.

I think piercings are easier to deal with than tattoos. Those they have to live with forever. When they turn 18, they can get whatever tatt they want. Just gatta know that sometimes tattoo artists screw up, sometimes you'll hate them later, or sometimes you'll be dumb and getting something retarded if you don't think hard.

I'll consider anything though depending...

We sort of have 16 as our loose make-your-own-decisions age (but that is subject to change based on maturity). I really can't wrap my mind around my five-year-olds pierced and tattooed :-)

Melissa writes Stirrup Queens ( http://stirrup-queens.com ) and Lost and Found ( http://lostandfoundandconnectionsabound.blogspot.com/ ). Her book is Navigating the Land of If ( http://thelandofif.blogspot.com/ ).

Hi All,

For my son, I really don't approve of any piercings or tattoos... call me old-fashioned. If I am blessed to have a daughter, I draw the line at one piercing in each ear. Of course, I won't be able to stop my son once he turns 18; If he's really passionate about something, maybe he will choose to get a tattoo and I will respect his decision.

-Karen

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Liz Ditz
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I have pierced ears, but no tats (yet). I'm thinking getting one in 2011 for my 60th birthday might be an appropriate celebration.

My daughter's first piercings were the conventional one-on-each-side earlobe piercings.

I don't quite remember when we (her father and I) allowed them -- it might have been her 13th birthday, on the grounds that that was when I got my ears pierced.

Simple earlobe piercings (one per side, through the earlobe) are pretty much mainstream now -- but it wasn't among my parents' set, back in the middle '60s when I got mine.

My older stepson began his tattooing journey when his half-sister (my daughter) was about 10, at which time she too started expressing a desire for tats. Her father and I (who were by that time divorced) agreed to a simple answer: sure you can get any tattoo you want...when you are 18.

My daughter spent months designing her tattoo and had it done about 35 seconds after she turned 18, plus an eyebrow, nose, and bellybutton piercing. (I don't remember -- the tats and the nose were done at one time, but I just don't remember about the others.)

The daughter took out the eyebrow piercing when she started serious training for 2nd degree blackbelt training, and so of course it closed up, with very little evidence. It is back now -- but I predict it will disappear it will go away again in the fall when she resumes training.

She has a large black tat on her side, in memory of her father (he died early in 2009) While I find the design...not good, I honor the impulse.

Now, as to the question posed in the post:

Piercings in children under 18?

Your choice, as long as they will heal without evidence, such as the standard earlobe postings.

Tats in children under 18?

Your mileage may vary. Pretty much I'm opposed, but ... there may be good reasons to allow them.

I thought I was a bigger fan of piercings than tattoos until my kids put it to the test.

The cheek piercing that got seriously infected - staph infection that would not go away. The septum piercings. The tongue piercing that kids are constantly fiddling with. The nose ring they they constantly twist. The bridge piercing. The huge gauged ears.

I've become a much bigger fan of the tattoo since being put through all of that piercing madness.

But, like you, there are bigger battles to fight. And they're all three good, smart, kids. I'm happy with them and all of their body modifications.

~Denise
BlogHer Community Manager
Life. Flow. Fluctuate.

The elephant tattoo up there - belongs to my daughter the banker, lol. Her tattoos are easily hidden, well her ankle tatt isn't, if she wears a dress...

But, she has a nose piercing. (She had a tongue piercing as well, but I think she let that one close. Or maybe that's the other daughter who let hers close? I can't keep them straight.)

That's what I always told my kids too - those things need to be able to be hidden, and they mostly followed those rules... for awhile... now, not so much.

~Denise
BlogHer Community Manager
Life. Flow. Fluctuate.

Funny. I'd rather my kids get piercings that tattoos. I guess they seem less permanent. Although mine are young, I expect I will have them wait till they are 18 for any major expression of body art.

That said, I'm not an advocate of making a huge issue of such things. There are bigger battles to fight, I'm guessing.

Jo-Lynne
www.musingsofahousewife.com ( http://www.musingsofahousewife.com )

Those are the piercings (besides standard one or two holes in the ear) that my kids started with. Oddly enough, I believe both girls have let theirs close. I didn't expect that at all and I was unreasonably sad when they did it. I think it's the menopause hormones that cased my remorse. ;-)

~Denise
BlogHer Community Manager
Life. Flow. Fluctuate.

errm...I would NOT ban either outright.

My son is 17 and I would ban either of them outright. BUT I probably would veto anything that couldn't be hidden for a job interview. So no face piercings, no wrist or neck tats.

He's too young, and he doesn't know what line of work he'll end up in. He needs to play it straight until he does. Then, if he ends up, say, a video game designer, he can pierce and tattoo the hell out of himself. If he ends up a banker, he'll thank me that they're hidden.

I have a tattoo so when my daughter said she wanted one, I told her fine, but she had to at least wait until she turned 18. I did sign a waiver to allow her to get her navel pierced when she was 16, but she is very responsible and I had no problems with it. She also has two piercings in each lobe and her right ear cartilage pierced.

My son also wants a tattoo, but the deal is the same... has to be 18 first.

This is Michelle (20) - she's had this one about a year, maybe a little more.

~Denise
BlogHer Community Manager
Life. Flow. Fluctuate.

It is on her side and it is gorgeous - and very Jenn. She's thinking about trying to conceive, we'll see what happens to that elephant post pregnancy. ;-)

But, she's not too concerned, which I'm kind of proud of. I'm a huge fan of embracing stretchmarks as badges of honor and I am hopeful that she'll still love the pink elephant, with it's stretchmark badges of honor if they appear.

Would you like to see another tattoo from Michelle - this one freaks me out a bit. But, it's her body and I totally understand why she chose this... it says a lot about her... Hang on let me tell her to lift her shirt so I can take a photo... BRB...

~Denise
BlogHer Community Manager
Life. Flow. Fluctuate.

I'm not a fan of tattoos or piercings myself. For my son, I'd prefer he not do such things but then he's still only 5 years old.

I think making a child wait until their 18 is reasonable. Although most 18 year olds can't quite get the concept that what is cool & cute at 18 or even 21 is not necessarily cool or cute at 35, 48, or 67. Future employers are becoming more accepting of tattoos but there are still some areas/fields that they are frowned on or where you are expected to cover them up. I'm pretty sure it is the same for piercings, especially facial ones.

You gave good advice - make sure it is something you can live with forever. For girls, make sure it is something somewhere that time, gravity, pregnancy, weight gain, etc. won't mess with the image. Even piercings are forever, just removing the metal won't remove the hole or any scarring. It will close up but you can still see where it was.

Elizabeth

@texasebeth ( http://twitter.com/texasebeth )  and My Life, such as it is.... ( http://texasebeth.blogspot.com )

The floral elephant is elegant. Is it on her side?

I'm still not a fan. I still think about things like what stretch marks will do to that pretty elephant down the road.

But it isn't my body. All I can do (in the far, far future)is make sure Charlie understands his choices and consequences long term. That goes for much more than just tats and piercings too. :)

Elizabeth

@texasebeth ( http://twitter.com/texasebeth )  and My Life, such as it is.... ( http://texasebeth.blogspot.com )

My oldest daughter got her first tattoo at 17. I signed the permission form, went with her to get it, and I even paid for it. (She is 26 and has more tattoos than I can count, here's her most recent tattoo.)

My son got his first tattoo at 16 or 17, I can't remember which. I signed, I went with him, he paid. He still only has that one tattoo, as far as I know. It's on his leg.

My daughter got her first tattoo at errr... 16? I signed, I went with her, we split the cost. She has gotten several more since then. Here's her first tattoo (photo taken yesterday).

Piercings? I can't even count the number of piercings those three kids have gotten, while under the age of 18. Belly buttons, lips, all over the ear, eyebrow. I did draw the line on some of the more alternative piercings while they were underage. Some of the kids ended up getting those after they came of age (and some of them have let those piercings close since then.)

~Denise
BlogHer Community Manager
Life. Flow. Fluctuate.