Parenting's Ten Plagues

ast night we celebrated Passover. On the holiday that marks the freedom of my ancestors from Pyramid building I was being held hostage by 19 Month Old and his new negotiation technique, crib jumping. A while ago I had mentioned my kids’ chronic suffering from a condition called The Daycares. Yesterday it was 19 Month Old’s turn to show symptoms, so he stayed at home while the Passover meal was being prepared and thoughts of the ten plagues were plaguing.

The bible talks of ten plagues God struck the Egyptian Pharaoh and his people with: Blood, frogs, lice, wild flies, death of livestock, boils, storms of fire, locusts, darkness and first-born death. Home confinement opened my eyes to a set of different, modern day plagues. I give you Parenting’s Ten Plagues and their Twitter bios:


1. Toy crumbs – WHAT?? My friend Jean at Mama Schmama brilliantly discussed this phenomenon: toy crumbs are those tiny toy vessels that separate from the mother ship and start traveling around the house independently evoking much “WTF ARE you???” bemusement. They are never identified nor needed until they’re accidentally thrown away. Their Twitter bio reads: Parent taunters, Murphy’s Law channelers, devious little bastards.

2. Lego – Parent torture device, Sisyphean task friendly, leading toy crumb spreader.

3. Cheerios – Most of the time we’re Floorios*. Sometimes we’re buttons.

Not floorios.

Not floorios.

4. Chalks and Mommy Bum Stickers – Player haters.

5. Lice – Where the original ten plagues meet the parenting plagues. 

6. Excess, more and anything there’s too much of – Eye openers to that fact that anything, including crayons, can be annoying.


7. Kids’ Socks – The Houdinis of the garment world, Parents’ ultimate “the one that got away”. #xfiles

8. Crib jumping - #itspaybacktimebitch

9. Spillage incidents – Patience testers, provers that one can so totally TOO cry over spilled milk, provided one is parent.


10. Sleep deprivation – Not even funny.


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