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Many of our kids are gearing up for the Spring school play so it's a perfect time to remind you of several, key best practices ... rules of the StageMamas and StagePapas, if you will.
Read on.
Take the oath.
Once more, unto the breach!
1.
I will not bully, demean or challenge the director on casting choices. There will undoubtedly be 4 Marias cast in your "West Side Story Jr." and easily 65 Sharks and Jets. Your kid will be fine. Respect the director.
2.
That said, if the show's director comes with questionably vague Off-Off Broadway credits, a mystery wife named Bonnie (in Canada) and during the parent volunteer meeting, screams anything resembling "I hate your ass face!!" I will quietly leave at meeting's end and find the nearest glass of Pinot. It's going to be a bumpy ride.
3.
I will spend time running lines (for you lay people, memorize the words of the play) and practice the songs with my kid. But please refrain from discussing any of the following: "the method", The Actor's Studio or Meisner Technique with your 9 year old. This can only lead to very scary places.
4.
If assigned to set construction, I will not bring the Benjamin Moore paint chip wheel and get all Martha Stewart on the "lucky" parent in charge of scenery. Slap that paint up and move on to props. There are 64 Ukuleles to be made.
5.
I will volunteer to deliver something relatively special as a refreshment or snack to be sold at intermission. A half empty box of Hostess Ding Dongs isn't cool.
6.
I will not sneak into the theatre before the doors open and tape off 25 seats for my family, neighbors and the Pastor Mike and his wife. Get in line behind the Martinelli's who got here at 3pm.
7.
I will not coerce or bribe talent agents to come see my kid play Linus #1 (of 5) in the school production of "You're A Good Man Charlie Brown" no matter how talented my kid is. You're entering another "Guffman" scenario and those never, ever end well.
8.
I will bring flowers for my child on opening night regardless of the size of his/her role. She can be the 17th Hat Box Girl from the left in "Guys and Dolls Jr." Doesn't matter. They deserve carnations at the very least. For boys -- if flowers gross them out, a few Bakugans or cash will do, I'm sure.
9.
I will not run up to the front of the stage at show's end to hand flowers to said Hat Box Girl, nor will I throw the flowers onto the stage. This isn't Ice Dancing, people.
10.
When the show is over and your kid swears he never wants to do "that" again, I will believe him. You can watch your little dreams of the next Justin Bieber/Teen Nickelodeon star swirl down the drain... and then move your attention to Lucky, the family dog, and get him a starring role on "Dog Whisperer with Cesar Millan."
♥
