Off to Paris for my 60th Birthday. Why Am I So Afraid?

Today starts my 60-day countdown to Paris. I will spend my 60th birthday month, walking every arrondissement, or neighborhood, of that glorious city.

A debilitating fear has set in. I’ve talked about this 30-day trip to Paris now for over a year. I’ve saved the money. Now that it’s time to book my airline ticket, fear is literally shutting me down.

Just got back from church. While having coffee in the parlor, a friend shared the subject of her Sunday School lesson, one she found particularly applicable to her situation in life. “If you’re going to walk on water as Jesus did, then you need to get out of the boat.” Never in a million years will she realize what an impact that one little statement made on me.

I need to get out of the boat. I need to face my fears, head on. One by one. I need to get this show on the road.

My sister plus two friends who will visit have all bought their tickets. I, the one who generated this trip, CANNOT for the life of me hit the BUY button.

What happens if my mother or one of my children needs me? I’m worried sick about my work, my clients. Who’s going to keep my aging dog . . . the list goes on.

I’m throwing up every possible reason not to go through with my plans. It would be so much easier to stay home.

+ + + + + + + + + + + + + + + + +

{ Ok. Breathe, Lisa }

An old friend taught me a trick. When you’re paralyzed with fear, get out your index cards. Write one problem per card. Turn over one card per day, solve it, then turn over the next. NEVER, NEVER look at them all at one time.

Here’s my list:

  1. Which flights do I take?
  2. Finding a place.
  3. What if a family member needs me while I’m away?
  4. How will I handle my work, my clients?
  5. What if I have a medical issue while away?
  6. Who will take care of Frank, my dog?
  7. A laptop. A bigger monitor for these ol’ eyes.
  8. My cell phone? Ugh! I hate even thinking about this one.
  9. Mail, bills . . .
  10. What about my house while I’m gone?
  11. WiFi, cords, converters – I need to figure out all the technical junk.
  12. Will I have time to get my email list together, get Pinterest set up, and all the other stuff that goes along with chronicling a trip.
  13. Why in the hell am I spending this money?
  14. There are a million other things I’ve worried about, but I’m too embarrassed to list them.

Enough for today. I’ll tackle #1 tomorrow. Tomorrow I’ll get out of the boat.


+ + + + + + + + + + + + + + + +



In order to comment on, you'll need to be logged in. You'll be given the option to log in or create an account when you publish your comment. If you do not log in or create an account, your comment will not be displayed.