Part 21, The Start of my Support System

Hey friends! Story time Sunday has arrived once again. I'm so happy to have all the support and so lucky that I have so many people encouraging me to keep going with this book. I don't think I would have gotten as far as I have without them. I'm also thankful to have readers interested in my blog. I'm sure I would have lost faith in myself if I didn't have any interested. I want to be able to help others through my book and if people aren't reading, then I'm not helping anyone. So thank you all for your support. I couldn't have done any of this without all of you :) I hope you enjoy this next blog post!!!


Ever since I lost Jill, Margaret has been a major part of my life. Even before that, but she definitely pushed to the front of the line after that. My fiancé and I haven't had the easiest relationship. I couldn't talk to very many people about what was going on, and even when I did, he hated me talking about what was going on with other people. I understood, because it wasn't anybody's business but ours, but I couldn't help needing an outside opinion. She was always there to listen and lend some advice about every situation I was going through; whether it involve my fiancé, Charles, work, people I would meet, family, anything. She was always patient and understanding with everything. She is so strong, driven, kind, and smart. I'm lucky she has time for me at all since she has been working her master's degree. She is definitely another person in my life that I would be lost without. She's always so generous. I feel terrible when she comes to me for guidance or a listening ear and I don't know what to say or do to help her in any way. No matter what though, we both know that even if we can't help in that moment, we care deeply for each other and would do anything possible to be there.

In fact, Margaret was there the first time I had attempted suicide during my college career. We had met because she was an assistant stage manager and I was part of the stage crew for the show. We were both new so we got along right away. I don't think she knew I was pregnant though. I don't believe I told anyone that I was pregnant at the time until I had told Jill. However, the day after I attempted suicide, I had a choir concert which she was working backstage for. I don't know why I told her, but I let her know what had happened that night and she scolded me. It wasn't in a way that would make me ashamed of myself and shy away from talking to her like I had endured in high school. With her, I could tell that she genuinely cared for my safety and for my life. This happened the weekend before I had the abortion. It was a new feeling and it was comforting more than making me ashamed, which was a very nice change. I lost a lot of friends because of the way they would confront me about my depression.

I'm not sure if it was a good idea telling her or not, but I am very glad I did. I think that it made us closer as friends. A month later, November of 2008, she had given me a book to read; it was called Thirteen Reasons Why, by Jay Asher. It has become one of my favorite books, and I read it whenever I feel like I'm on the edge or contemplating ending my life. It gave me a victim's perspective of what happens when someone in your life commits suicide. It is so well written and such a gripping story that it definitely changed my view on life and suicide, and I suggest it to anyone. Not just those who have thought about suicide, or are even depressed; anyone should read this so they can understand a little more what it is like in the mind of someone who may be thinking of suicide. Maybe they will even be able to recognize the signs and give help before it's too late, like with me. After I read it, I tried to give it back to her and she wouldn't take it back. She said keep it, it's an early Christmas present. It's probably one of the best presents I have ever received from someone. Well, to this day anyway. I am still young yet; however, I will never cherish the gift she gave me any less.

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