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So today I had another stupid moment...okay, I know what you're thinking and you can stop laughing anytime now.
Really.
I mean it.
Stop. Laughing.
It was one of those mornings, I was getting ready and thinking about a million other things than what I was actually doing when all of a sudden I caught myself in the mirror and saw it. I had to do a double take. It was me. I'm fat again.
Not that long ago I was reveling in being thin. Really thin. Like the actual weight those doctors claim is the weight for my short under 5 foot self. Like high school thin back when I didn't know I was thin. Thin like I could wander into a store, find clothes that were cute and then have them fit. Thin like I felt fabulous.
But now. I'm not.
So as the day has been rushing bye, because it has. It's been a very busy day of thinking one thing is happening then finding out another is happening. Plus spring is near, Easter is around the corner and spring fever is wracking the kids. We also have 2 littles with some sort of yucky nose thing going on. Boo. Hiss. Blech.
But, so what I was thinking about was this. For me, it's easy to be fat and very, very hard to be thin. Eating is easy. It's easy to find the reasons to indulge. Bad reasons and good reasons. Food is an integral part of our culture, of socializing, of my family, of me and of how I love on people.
Some of my gifts are in the areas of hospitality and cooking is something that brings me great pleasure, so for me, when I cook for you, I'm pouring out my heart into whatever I've made. And if I'm serving it to you in my home, where despite my kids, I've tried to make it as welcoming and like a home you'd want to be in, it's that much more a gift of myself. I strive to have a home that is one that everyone instantly feels comfortable and at ease in. Not picture perfect by any stretch of the imagination. It's pretty well worn around the edges. There are fingerprints and toys and dog hairs.
So back to being fat. Well. Frankly. It's really hard for me to get thin and stay thin. It takes so much effort to convince myself that I'd rather have some healthy food or drink than an easy, junky, taste good, feel good treat. Now, don't misunderstand, I know all about cooking healthy and finding great tasting healthy alternatives to the junk. I do. And we did it for a long time.
I've done it for a long time. I've been vegetarian. I've done South Beach. I've done diabetic diets. I did Fiengold. I did gluten free. I did dairy free. I've done Specific Carb. They were all good in their turn and I felt good on all of them. Healthy, light, strong, confident, energized.
But can I tell you something? Sometimes fat just feels comfortable.
This line of thinking brought me back to some other conversations I had recently. I was talking with someone about how hard it was to be a girl vs. be a boy. Then I had another conversation about how that peer pressure you have in high school really doesn't end. It just changes categories.
So it goes something like this. As a chick, no matter how many babies come out of your body or how many you raise, you can't get flabby. You need to stay thin and in shape. Never mind that you're well into your 30's or 40's, you should still be picking out your clothes in the Junior department. You always should want to wear a bikini. There is no such thing as gray hair unless you're moving into a retirement home. Wrinkles don't exist. You're still wearing make up, stupid shoes that are very fashionable and getting those nails done weekly. And don't forget about the pedi. Now, while you're busy being all this, you're raising the perfect kids in a beautiful home. You're driving a car that is never dirty, inside or out. You don't run out of things like milk or diapers and make midnight runs to all night grocery stores. You have all the latest techno gadgets and you know how to use them. You have a well paying job that you love. You travel and take awesome family vacations. You have
