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Sparkle (2)
Today it finally hit me. I am depressed. One door is closing and I find that scary. I find it scary because I am not sure what my future holds. By noon it was all perfectly clear, I had been stuffing my feelings down and not acknowledging and accepting my circumstances.
So I meditated for a while, searching for that happy place where peace resides. The only problem was that the dog wanted to comfort me and kept pressing his wet nose against my hand just as I was trying to forget about my body and my surroundings.
The day ended up getting away from me and before I knew it, it was time to pick up my daughter from school. She is eight and in the second grade. I was so happy to see her.
As we pulled in the driveway, she asked if she could see if her friend was home and could play in the yard. I agreed to her request and slunk back into my office and back into the depression that was lurking just beneath the surface. Minutes later, I heard her return home. Her friend was not available to play. I waited, knowing she would be looking to me for the attention she wanted.
A few moments later, there she was at the doorway, a gift in hand.
Isn’t it lovely? You see how she used scotch tape to hold the small pinecones in place? You see how she placed a small sprig of evergreen to add color to the arrangement? She even used large and small items to create visual interest. I am not sure that she noticed my mood or knew that it was just what I needed, but it was… exactly… what I needed.
I created that. She took me nine months and I complained most of the time. I complained a lot for all three pregnancies, but boy were they all worth it. They are, to this day, my proudest accomplishment. I can’t take credit for her lovely still life – she was born an artist, but I can take a small amount of credit for nurturing her and doing my best to create the very best human being that I can.
You see, jobs come and go, contracts come and go… but being a mom is the most important thing I can be in this life.
