The Pitbull in Lipstick Mommy: Five Questions for Sarah Palin
Okay, I think we all agree that even though she's probably a very nice human
being, the Sarah Palin VP pick is deeply problematic.
From the looks of how she's being positioned in the GOP, she's the foil for
a host of horrifying scenarios they've got planned, from the continued
erosion of first amendment rights to the exponential growth of the prison-industrial complex.
If I ran into her at a hunting-themed bar at the Anchorage airport, I'd
walk right up and ask some questions--because she's so accessible, you
1. I really, truly respect your privacy, but I read on the net that your
fifth baby may be your daughter's. Even if that is just a vicious lefty-commie smear,
your seventeen year-old is really pregnant, right? Listen, I love
babies, and I get you're anti-abortion and pro-abstinence, but don't
you think you should be pro-birth control, too? And teen moms who aren't your daughter?
2. What on earth does the bear on your office sofa symbolize? Bear market?
Bear Stearns? Father Bear, Black Bear, Childbearing, Bearing down? Your victory against environmentalists who want to protect polar bears from extinction?
I know I'm not alone when I wonder what you feel when you rest your
back against all that dark fur. Dominance, protection, hunger,
compassion? It would tell us a lot about who you are and what you would
do with the living organism we call earth.
3. Your mother-in-law says you don't bring anything to the table other
than your gender and political affiliation. What did you do to her
last Thanksgiving? Is she responsible for the Eskimo-Yupiik part of
your husband and if so, is she upset he married a woman who wants to
drill on native lands? Or is your husband's mom pro-sovereignty, and still coming to terms with the whole Alaskan statehoood thing?
4. The way you congratulated and undermined Hillary at the same time
was clever. That part about 18 million cracks in the glass ceiling, and
the American people being ready to break all the way through. But
Hillary has faced down some of the most dangerous forces on the planet,
and won eighteen million votes, too. What experience do you have surviving physical, psychological, cultural or any other kind of warfare?
What's your position on Darfur? Tibet? North Korea? I think you and Sarkozy
might get on, but what about Putin? Are you ready to go over the fine
points with Vladimir? Are you up for challenging Hu Jintao on the age
of the gymnasts on the Chinese Olympic team, or on the oil pipeline
China is running from Somalia?
5. Have you sat down and had a long talk with your husband about this
whole thing? I'm not saying it's an issue, but we're talking five kids,
in Washington, DC. We're talking state dinners, applications to Sidwell Friends, and a landmine of completely uncharted masculinity issues. Can your marriage hold up? Just how secure is your husband?
And maybe more important, would your husband's role in your life encourage
you to support a broader Family Leave Act? Like the one in Sweden, where parents are entitled to eighteen months paid Parental Leave?
But seriously. I hope you're making the right choice. Because should you
manage to pull off a miracle and end up VP, it's going to get very hot
in your kitchen. And if you don't, you're going to have to live knowing
your nomination may have unified and cemented the victory of the
democratic party in 2008 and beyond.
Either way, I wish you and your family the best. Like it or not, we really are all in this together.
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