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Hi - I'm Maria, nice to meet you! I've been a Contributing Editor here at BlogHer.com since 2006. I joined BlogHer as a full-time staff member after...
 
 
 
 

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The Place You Call Home

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I was born in southern California and lived there until midway through my childhood, when I moved to northern California, where lived until college. I bounced between both halves of the state for years. I have lived in cities across the mid-west and east coast. After all that, northern California feels the most like home.

Perhaps it is because I spent more of my formative kid years here. Perhaps it is because I made friends who are still in my life. Probably it is because I have fond memories of lots of time spent with my extended family. Also, the incredible diversity of people and variety of approaches to living is a wonderful treasure that I haven't quite experienced in most other places in the country.

That does not mean that the other cities where I have lived don't have a hold on my heart as well. Southern California is where I lived on my own for the first time. Where I grew into my independence and adulthood. In the mid-west and east coast, I had to work to make those places home, even if it was to be temporary. Snow, regional accents, and different paces of life than I was used to in California all took some adjustments. But adjust I did, and there are things about, and people in each of those places, I came to love and now miss.

The Bay Area is not always a perfect home. The sheer size means that local friends can be 50 miles away. Plus, frankly, it is ridiculously expensive to live here and, as you might have heard, our state government and economy are kind of broken. It is not unusual for people to contemplate moving out of the state for precisely these reasons.

Despite my love for this area, and the fact that I've been back for more than half a decade, made new friends and re-connected with old ones and family, I am not tethered here. I could move. And I wonder if I might.

A long-lost friend of mine recently popped up after having switched coasts from west to east. As she told me about her new home, I thought about whether I could do the same thing. She is not committed to her new city. She reserves the right to wander about some more. And, she still harbors a long-held dream of perhaps living outside the United States.

Another friend is pretty committed to living outside the United States. The pull of far away places has always been strong for her. In graduate school, while I studied American politics, she studied comparative and looked instead at politics and policy in Latin America and Southeast Asia. She met her Afghan husband in Indonesia, and they married in Thailand. My friend is very close to her family here in the U.S., and I still cannot wrap my mind around how she can so happily live on the other side of the earth, rarely seeing them.

The cliche goes that home is where the heart is. Determining where our hearts live is a strange and unique process. I know that for me, I haven't yet found any place that my heart has missed as much as this crazy state. My heart will always live here.

Where is home for you? How did it become home? What do you love about this place?

Related Reading
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Candice at Candice Does The World: How Do You Define Home?

But what is home? Is it your current location? Is it where you grew up? I’m always trying to find my place, as it seems many people are. I feel like St. John’s is my home now, it’s where my things are. My career, my friends, my dresser piled with cosmetics and perfumes. I don’t have the same sort of intimacy with this town.

I don’t recognize a lot of the faces, and they don’t recognize me. Yesterday, I picked up some beer at the store and a handful of people stood chatting at the cash, their eyes following me to the cooler. We smiled and talked, and then the elderly couple asked me my name. They were my neighbours for 10 years.

Ron Judd at The Seattle Times: Figure skater Ashley Wagner considers Kitsap Peninsula home

When Ashley Wagner closes her eyes, breathes deeply and drifts away to her calm place, she winds up in a spot familiar to a lot of us: Hood Canal. Clear waves lapping gently at the beach. Douglas firs soaring

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Maria Niles 5 pts

What a cool video - thanks for the link and your kind offer.

BlogHer Contributing Editor ( http://www.blogher.com/blog/maria-niles ) PopConsumer ( http://consumerpop.typepad.com/popconsumer ) Beyond Help ( http://mariax.vox.com/ )

JChandler 5 pts

Feel free to contact me if you ever get to Vancouver. Here is a video circulating with images of Vancouver 2010 in timelapse HD. Hope the link works for you, if not check out Youtube.

Vancouver City ( http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=_xMz2SnSWS4&fea... )

Maria Niles 5 pts

That must be a bit tough, Jenna - growing new roots while still holding a place in your heart for another home. But on the other hand it sounds like a blessing that you have the farm you grew up in and call home still open so that you can return and spend time there.

When my childhood home was finally sold I was sad that I could never go back. I've moved on but I definitely left a piece of myself there.

My condolences on your grandfather's passing.

Thank you for reading and sharing your thoughts.

BlogHer Contributing Editor ( http://www.blogher.com/blog/maria-niles ) PopConsumer ( http://consumerpop.typepad.com/popconsumer ) Beyond Help ( http://mariax.vox.com/ )

JennaHatfield 10 pts

When we're here, at the house we have purchased and are raising our children together, and I say something about "going home" or "back home," I'm talking about Western Pennsylvania and The Farm on which I was raised.

When I'm in Western Pennsylvania on The Farm on which I was raised and I'm packing up our stuff, saying that we're "getting ready to go home," I'm talking about the city in Ohio where we have a house that we have purchased and are raising our children together.

I use them interchangeably. When I'm at one, I miss the other. I get homesick for PA and, after awhile in PA, I get homesick for Ohio. And after a week of vacation, I want to go home to my bed in the house we have purchased. However, when my grandpa died last week while I was two hours away in my home... I just so desperately wanted to be able to open my eyes and be at HOME.

I live in this state of flux. Part of me is here. Part of me is there. And I really don't think that will change. They're both home to me.

@FireMom ( http://twitter.com ) from Stop, Drop and Blog ( http://stopdropandblog.com ) and The Chronicles of Munchkin Land ( http://thechroniclesofmunchkinland.com )

Maria Niles 5 pts

To be able feel at home wherever you find yourself sounds like a blessing. Feeling the tug of another place when you are trying to focus on building your life elsewhere can make it hard to fully be present and enjoy the moment in my experience.

Thanks so much for your comment and tumble on, AV :-)

BlogHer Contributing Editor ( http://www.blogher.com/blog/maria-niles ) PopConsumer ( http://consumerpop.typepad.com/popconsumer ) Beyond Help ( http://mariax.vox.com/ )

Maria Niles 5 pts

I love your description of living where people know you and you can share laughter with friends. But the ability to be happy anywhere as long as you have serenity sounds like a great path to contentment and happiness. Congratulations!

Thanks so much for your comment!

BlogHer Contributing Editor ( http://www.blogher.com/blog/maria-niles ) PopConsumer ( http://consumerpop.typepad.com/popconsumer ) Beyond Help ( http://mariax.vox.com/ )

avflox 5 pts

I am too much of a tumbleweed. Home, to me, is wherever my heart finds itself.

AV Flox is the editor of Sex and the 405 ( http://sexandthe405.com ) -- what your newspaper would look like if it had a sex section.

lilidauphin 5 pts

The world is my home. I can be happy anywhere I go because I always make the best of anything and anywhere. However, I'd rather be where my passion blooms. I love to live where people knows me, where I can share laughter with friends. Nevertheless, I can be happy anywhere as long as I have serenity.

Maria Niles 5 pts

What an interesting question, sherrysugar. I would choose to look at it as a glass more than half full situation - you've got two great places that feel like home even if for different reasons. Rather than seeing you as homeless I's see you as having home abundance.

Thanks so much for your comment!

BlogHer Contributing Editor ( http://www.blogher.com/blog/maria-niles ) PopConsumer ( http://consumerpop.typepad.com/popconsumer ) Beyond Help ( http://mariax.vox.com/ )

sherrysugar 5 pts

 I lived in So, CA most of my life. Grew up in the Ontario area. All my childhood memories are there.  My children where born there.  My husband and I moved to So. OR. 8 years ago. We also moved my parents here, and my daughter moved here too. So I have most of my family here now. But when the word "Home" comes up my first thought is So. CA   It makes my husband mad because he said this is your home. It's not that I don't like it here, cuz I do. I don't know it just seems weird. OR is a beatiful state, and I love all the trees and clean air.  So are my memories home? or am I homeless???

Maria Niles 5 pts

Thanks for your comment, midnightbliss and all the best in finding a place that feels like your chosen home.

BlogHer Contributing Editor ( http://www.blogher.com/blog/maria-niles ) PopConsumer ( http://consumerpop.typepad.com/popconsumer ) Beyond Help ( http://mariax.vox.com/ )

midnightbliss 5 pts

home is where my family or dear friends are. Since I grew up and live here with my parents, i want to live in another place when I settle down, most preferably in the quiet rural place where life is simple.

Maria Niles 5 pts

Thanks, Anita for a lovely description of this fabulous place we call home!

BlogHer Contributing Editor ( http://www.blogher.com/blog/maria-niles ) PopConsumer ( http://consumerpop.typepad.com/popconsumer ) Beyond Help ( http://mariax.vox.com/ )

Maria Niles 5 pts

That makes sense, Laurie, that after all that moving around you would feel rooted to a person rather than a place. And a perfect illustration of the meaning of the saying "home is where the heart is."

Thanks so much for sharing your perspective!

BlogHer Contributing Editor ( http://www.blogher.com/blog/maria-niles ) PopConsumer ( http://consumerpop.typepad.com/popconsumer ) Beyond Help ( http://mariax.vox.com/ )

Maria Niles 5 pts

Wow - it's clear you have found a home you love, your passion is evident. And it sounds fabulous. Vancouver is high up on the list of places I'd like to visit someday. I'll ping you for suggestions before I head up there. :-)

Thanks so much for your comment!

BlogHer Contributing Editor ( http://www.blogher.com/blog/maria-niles ) PopConsumer ( http://consumerpop.typepad.com/popconsumer ) Beyond Help ( http://mariax.vox.com/ )

anitafaye 5 pts

Like you, I've lived in both northern and southern California, as well as other states, but I always come back to the Bay Area.  I wondered myself why this feels so much like home when most of my family isn't here.  I think it might be that the climate and the vegetation (north of the Golden Gate Bridge) so resemble other places I've also loved - like the Deep South.  And New England.  But our state, with all its problems, has a unique point of view that I haven't found anywhere else.  

LMAshton 5 pts

I call wherever I am with my husband home. Beyond that, I don't have one.

I grew up all over Western Canada. Lived in 9 different cities and towns, in 30+ different homes in the first 35 years of my life, I can't say that I have any real roots anywhere.

Laurie in Sri Lanka

Chilli & Chocolate ( http://food.laurieashton.com ) | A Canadian in King Parakramabahu's Court ( http://srilanka.laurieashton.com ) | LMAshton on Twitter ( http://twitter.com/lmashton )

JChandler 5 pts

I am one of the few I know born in Vancouver and raised there and abouts. Though I currently live in an ocean side area just east of downtown Vancouver it remains home. We are about to host the 2010 Olympics and many people will descend upon this beautiful city.

I have managed to travel abroad and in North America but my heart belongs here. Even a few years spent in another Province made me homesick. I love the ability to walk the beach, see the ski hills, go hiking in the mountains or spend a day at one of the many lakes. On top of all that, dine at great restaurants and get myself lost in the glass buildings of downtown, marvel at the architecture of the late 1800's and early 1900's. English Bay was my favourite place to live, the heartbeat of the city as far as I'm concerned.

If anyone is travelling this way for the Olympics or otherwise I will be happy to guide you to the right places!

:) Thanks for the insight into your relationship with home.

Maria Niles 5 pts

As I wrote this post I somehow knew your answer would be NOT Chicago. ;-)

BlogHer Contributing Editor ( http://www.blogher.com/blog/maria-niles ) PopConsumer ( http://consumerpop.typepad.com/popconsumer ) Beyond Help ( http://mariax.vox.com/ )

Maria Niles 5 pts

I think that's the key point in your comment. You've built your life. It is nice to hear that you are "solidly rooted."

Thanks so much for your comment, Amy.

BlogHer Contributing Editor ( http://www.blogher.com/blog/maria-niles ) PopConsumer ( http://consumerpop.typepad.com/popconsumer ) Beyond Help ( http://mariax.vox.com/ )

Denise 9 pts moderator

Funny.

When I first read Maria's post, a bunch of places that feel like home popped into my head. And the place that immediately popped into my head as NOT home is Chicago... where I live now. ;-)

~Denise BlogHer Community Manager
Flamingo House Happenings ( http://www.flamingohouse.net/ )

Mama Murtz 5 pts

I was born and raised in the Chicago area, and live there today.  I went to school in Kentucky, but haven't lived anywhere other than those two places.  Whenever I travel I try to picture myself living there, and quite often it's quite easy.  Until I get home, that is.  Once I'm home, I have a hard time seeing myself leaving all that I have here.  That's not to say it won't ever happen, but, for now I am solidly rooted in my home town, outside of Chicago.

Amy