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I write Stirrup Queens when I'm not reading other people's blogs, cooking, or chasing after my twins. I'm the author of two books: Life from Scratch,...
 
 
 
 

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Please Rob Me and How the Internet Affects Privacy

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Back in college, no one had cell phones. Google had yet to be invented. Social media sites didn't exist and even basic online journaling was still years away. Yet people always knew where to find me. If I wasn't in my apartment, people knew I was in one of five places: (1) Espresso Royale coffee house, (2) the literary magazine office, (3) my art lab, (4) Hillel, or (5) the library. When I didn't want to be found because I was studying for an exam and didn't want to be disturbed (or I was being my usual, moody slacker self and didn't want to subject people to my late-teen angst), I strayed from my usual spaces and went to a different cafe or library section to study. And then, like living off-the-grid, I was unplottable and unfindable in my enormous university.

Today, I still follow a pretty predictable pattern of spaces and even though I now own a cell phone, I look at it as a way for me to make calls rather than be reached while I'm out. I get a lot accomplished because I'm rarely distracted, for instance, by being sucked into long phone calls while I'm trying to do the grocery shopping in under fifteen minutes. I can see the beauty of being highly reachable, but it doesn't work with my hermit-y, singularly focused self.

Which is why it took me a while to get on Facebook. I saw it via a family member, who announced her whereabouts at all times via status updates. My husband had to explain it to my crotchety-old brain which was about to give a lecture on how we went to the same coffee house uphill in the snow every day (and we liked it, damn it!). This was the way kids today operated. They told people where they were via Facebook and used it to make plans or be reachable. Being that findable sounded like the most annoying thing in the world, but I realized that I was also the product of a cell-phone-free upbringing unlike college students today.

But now, a new website is pointing out the darker side of being that reachable. Please Rob Me points out how much information we're revealing when we tweet, post our location on Foursquare, or blog about our upcoming vacation. The site's mission boils down to two sentences: "The danger is publicly telling people where you are. This is because it leaves one place you're definitely not... home."

Please Rob Me screenshot

Screenshot of www.pleaserobme.com

As the Yahoo news article points out: "Please Rob Me isn't a complicated website; it's simply a dressed-up page of Twitter search results that monitors the latest posts of users sharing their locations via Foursquare...A select, misguided few broadcast their address or those of unknowing and disapproving friends or family. This makes the site more useful at proving a point than an actual tool for robbers to exploit."

Foursquare's response is pretty much a throwing up of hands to indicate that while they know their service could compromise privacy if you send your updates to Twitter, they aren't the only way you could compromise your privacy on the Internet, so why are they receiving the brunt of the fear: "The truth is you could make something like this without using foursquare at all. Just try searching Twitter for the words "headed to" and you'll start to scratch the surface on all the location data a lot of us push into the Internets, perhaps even without thinking about it."

The Internet has blown open our privacy regardless. It is fairly easy to find someone's home address and telephone number, their closest relatives, and where they work with a bit of Internet sleuthing. Therefore, why protect the fact that you have run to Starbucks for a few minutes, especially when the pros (being found by a friend and sharing a venti caramel macchiato) outweigh the cons (being robbed during the twenty minutes that you are out of your house)? Is learning about this site and the panic you might be feeling as you read this just a form of digital paranoia akin to this thought: "You might as well argue that you should never tell anyone that you have a job, because then people will know you are at work from 9-5 every day, and can use the

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sam12587 5 pts

I'd rather have the freedom of being the weirdo who doens't do anything online (even though I work on networks for a living) then have work-freinds who are hurt I didn't accept their freind request.

It's probably easier now that you can do usernames on Facebook , instead of just your name but life is better actually lived then glued to a computer screen.

I find it odd how tethered people are & how stressed out they get from those various "technology tethers" when it's so easy to cut the strings. I wonder what those folks do during a power outage? 

What I always found really funny was how some one would post one day about the new TV/stereo they just got - sometimes with pictures then mention the next day how they were going out all night on Friday.  Gee..... I wonder when the house will be empty? Oh, well. Adds spice to life & keeps it all interesting.

Sorry for the weird formatting on my first post. I coudln't get it to make paragraphs.

Melissa Ford 5 pts

Totally hear you on the stress also associated with social media of balancing multiple circles in a single life as well as the etiquette of friending or unfriending.  It's easy to get bogged down in worrying more than enjoying social media (at least, for me).

sam12587 5 pts

I deleted my Facebook account when all sorts of people started finding me last year - I guess for me it's circles of trust & I don't want my boss to be able to see pics of me belly dancing on the weekend. And if you don't accept someone as a friend then it's taken as rude so I deleted the acct to avoid social discomfort and for my own safety - there are two mean people that I don't want to have find me. One of those two found me on Facebook last spring and it scared the tar out of me. I had my address hidden & such but still - he knows what state I'm in now. Yikes! I have a very ethnic name so I use a psudo-name online for privacy reasons - if someone wants to get to know me as a human then I figure they can ask me to email them & it go from there. Otherwise I make comments on what I find interesting, being ever mindful of people feelings & such. I’m still me, just with an easier to type & pronounce name. I'd feel very sorry for the dolt that would try to rob me - we have little of value & definitely not enough to make it worth the time & trouble of breaking in. When I was on Facebook I'd accept invitations to stuff but I never broadcast my comings & goings - I find that kinda of minutiae to be kinda dum. I just don't want to know those kind of details about my friends. Going to concert - great! Show me the pics! Going to burger king or the gym -while I hope it's a good trip, I just don't care. I don't have a cell because I don't like the tether it represents. When my kids are in Junior high I will probably get one to keep tabs on them. Otherwise, when I’m at the store or driving leave me be. My kids cause me enough grief – I get charged the wrong price at least once a month because of their distracting me at the register. A cell phone would just compound that over sight. I google myself once in a while and other then 3 friends websites where they refer to me attending something I'm still pretty invisible. The govt & relatives can find me but that's about it.

Melissa Ford 5 pts

We sound like we could be good friends :-)  Discussing our paranoia..but not over the phone...

My husband refers to it as my cat-like nature.  I want to be petted, but only when I want to be petted.

Melissa Ford 5 pts

Again, there's a lot of good that can come from that PDF in terms of having the people you want to find you be able to get in touch.  But it also removes any hope of privacy.  It feels like something people should be able to opt out of if they wish.  Public records, shmublic records.

babysmiling 5 pts

I don't tweet, don't do FB. In my blogging persona I don't even specify what state I live in.

But, if you know my full name you can probably figure out where I live based on where I work (which is what a web search for me turns up, among other things), and if you know my husband's name you definitely can find our address -- because our town publishes a PDF file of every homeowner in the town including address and even property values. So, short of creating a sham company with an unintelligible name to "own" our house, no matter how discreet I try to be, the local government has blown my cover.

My husband doesn't even bother with attempting to hide anything because he thinks that privacy is an illusion. He puts more info out there than I do, which by extension includes info about me. I don't have the energy to care.

http://babysmiling.wordpress.com

BShallue 5 pts

The subject title above describes my personality. I'm not a phone-talker, although I used to be when I was younger. I need my "space" and don't like to be interrupted but also feel lonely and left out when I discover I wasn't included in some conversation. I'm paranoid and transferred that paranoia to my kids - my oldest son is unsearchable on Facebook and my daughter has requested I stop writing about her or even using her name in a casual reference on my blog...because on my blog I write about almost everything! And after years of warning my kids about the dangers of social media/stalkers/etc., I'm now addicted to Facebook and have a Twitter account, besides blogging everyday.

However, all of that being said, I generally write about things after the fact...and I never give specific addresses or locations.

Barbara Shallue writes about her life at http://barbarashallue.typepad.com and is contributing editor of http://jobs4autism.com.

Melissa Ford 5 pts

I hear you about hindering creativity.  It also makes a blog cease to be useful in the "free therapy" vein if you need to censor yourself.  Which I do--there are things I'd love to write about and work out via words, but then it divulges too much personal information.

Melissa writes Stirrup Queens ( http://stirrup-queens.com ) and Lost and Found ( http://lostandfoundandconnectionsabound.blogspot.c... ). Her book is Navigating the Land of If ( http://thelandofif.blogspot.com/ ).

Melissa Ford 5 pts

See, though now that you said that online, you're going to return from your next outing with friends and find the house ransacked by the spouse :-)

Melissa writes Stirrup Queens ( http://stirrup-queens.com ) and Lost and Found ( http://lostandfoundandconnectionsabound.blogspot.c... ). Her book is Navigating the Land of If ( http://thelandofif.blogspot.com/ ).

Melissa Ford 5 pts

That is sort of 10 kinds of creepy.  It's that balance that what may seem good--connecting people who want to be connected--also leaves open the door for interactions you may not want to have.

Melissa writes Stirrup Queens ( http://stirrup-queens.com ) and Lost and Found ( http://lostandfoundandconnectionsabound.blogspot.c... ). Her book is Navigating the Land of If ( http://thelandofif.blogspot.com/ ).

IsleDance 5 pts

My brain is just trying to comprehend that coffee was apparently sought out by college kids.  Oh my, how the world has changed...

One Friday night, Isle Dance ( http://isledance.blogspot.com ) loaded up her life and headed out...

Vered 5 pts

I'm extremely careful online, in a way that sometimes even hinders my creativity (filters are not good for a writer), but I still worry that I might be divulging too much personal information.

----

Vered DeLeeuw

Professional Blogger ( http://momgrind.com/hire-me/ ) and Social Media Consultant ( http://www.socialmediamarketingexpert.net/ )

soosee 5 pts

I didn't know this site existed until recently and even then, hadn't been on to check it out.  Wow.. I grew up cellphone-free but as I entered college cellphones were becoming more popular so I'm sort of in the middle of the two generations I think.  I have one, and have had one since I was in college and doing 14 hour days on campus before coming back home or even then going straight to work.  So to me, it was a "just in an emergency" thing.  I'm a little embarrassed to say, I have 35 voicemails currently.  2 reasons: a. I don't always want to "talk" when someone is calling me mid-errand and b. I end up calling back before hearing the message b/c "it's quicker".  As a teen I loved talking on the phone, twirling the cord (ha!) while going on and on about 'stuff' - now... not so much.  So, I am the kind to combine it w/ driving (sometimes!) b/c to me, the phone call isn't the MOST important thing happening at the moment, so if I have to throw a phone or stop paying attention so I can make sure the crazies out there don't hit me w/ their driving then I will.  I pay more attention to the road than the call, which might leave more to say about my talking on the phone.  As for sharing info online - I give here and there, and restrain here and there.  I had twitter and then got off when it blew up and everyone seemed to know 'so much'.  On FB, I might share more, TRUSTING in the few I have on there won't be the ones that will be breaking an entry at my residence while I'm at dinner w/ their wife. 

msjeanneb 5 pts

When I lived in the dorms, the paper directory would pretty much go out of date as soon as they printed it, so they listed the entire student directory online, including email addresses and dorm phone numbers.

You could search by name and major, which means that a casual "Hi, nice to meet you, I'm Jeanne, I'm a Japanese major" in class meant you could plug in "Jean" and "Japanese" and find my phone number, email, and my parents' address! Creeped me right out when a guy actually did that and emailed me.

And I once got a phone call from someone in one of my classes asking if we had a test the next day. He'd looked our class up on Facebook, saw that I was listed as taking the class and had my number available to people in our school's network, and called me. He didn't even know how to say my name. So I've been on top of my Facebook privacy settings for a while now.

-- Jeanne - The Periodic Elements of Style: http://periodicstyle.blogspot.com

Melissa Ford 5 pts

I think it's always easier to add new ways to communicate than to dial back.  Not because it's hard on my end to delete an account, but because I think when other people get accustomed to reaching me in that way, it creates all sorts of problems in untangling myself.  I think it's a good idea to add things slowly.

Melissa writes Stirrup Queens ( http://stirrup-queens.com ) and Lost and Found ( http://lostandfoundandconnectionsabound.blogspot.c... ). Her book is Navigating the Land of If ( http://thelandofif.blogspot.com/ ).

Just_Margaret 5 pts

I carry one.  And I give my number if I absolutely *have* to, but that's it!   I do not want to be reachable 24/7.  Leave me a message at my home landline or better yet, send me an email!   I've got a phone thing--I just can't stand using it unless I'm very comfortable with the person on the other end.  AND I am irritated by cell phones lack of clarity--talking with someone on their cell and having little blips of the conversation dropped sets my teeth on edge.

I took a long time to get on facebook, and it took a me little while to warm up to it, but now I love it.  I can share as much or as little as I want, and that flexibility really works for me. It's not an immediate interruption of my day as a ringing cell phone is, and I can choose to respond at my leisure.  As for twitter...I'm not  a tweeter--yet!  I set up an account, but I've never actually used it other than to see what *other* people are tweeting. 

Because my husband is an Information Security professional, I've become more aware of how things put out on the internet are trackable and traceable.  It is because of the traceability that I use my real name on the 'net now, after years of using a pseudonym.  If someone's looking for me, they're going to find me.  It may or may not be because of what I put on the internet, but either way I still keep my "house" locked up--your analogy to the locked front door really rang true to me.  I tend not to broadcast my whereabouts, but that's probably more a product of my tendency toward introversion than my 'InfoSec' awareness. 

Great article--thank you! It's good to not feel alone in my aversion to the cell phone ;^)

FYI:   the first link that reads "Please Rob Me" looks like it's misdirected to a softball league's webpage. 

~Margaret

Just Margaret ( http://maurhoffbarney.blogspot.com )

Melissa Ford 5 pts

But the thing with being overly cautious is that you can step bit by bit out of your comfort zone.  The opposite is not true--once you've shared all those details, they live on forever online and you can't unring that bell.

Melissa writes Stirrup Queens ( http://stirrup-queens.com ) and Lost and Found ( http://lostandfoundandconnectionsabound.blogspot.c... ). Her book is Navigating the Land of If ( http://thelandofif.blogspot.com/ ).

Lavender Luz 6 pts

I've been accused of being overly cautious. I was late to use even a last name, my "brand" is not my name, I have a fake birthday on my FaceBook page (I'm always surprised to open up FB on that day to find all the unexpected greetings) and, like you, I post about places only AFTER I've been there. If I'm telling you where I am, you can bet that someone is minding my home.

The line between sensible and paranoid is faint.

Respectfully,

SparkleAbercrombiePrincess BestLight

Weebles Wobblog ( http://www.weebleswobblog.com/ ) ... mindful living amid chaos.@BestLight
Examiner ( http://www.examiner.com/x-13701-Open-Adoption-Exam... )for Open Adoption.
( http://twitter.com/BestLight )

Melissa Ford 5 pts

If I had testified in a criminal trial it would definitely give me pause to know that my information is out there.  This is the other side of those information sites--that as much as they give people information, they also compromise certain people's safety.

Melissa writes Stirrup Queens ( http://stirrup-queens.com ) and Lost and Found ( http://lostandfoundandconnectionsabound.blogspot.c... ). Her book is Navigating the Land of If ( http://thelandofif.blogspot.com/ ).

xj2608 5 pts

I hate talking on the phone in general.  I just don't have that much to say.  Plus, I don't like to be reachable all the time.  I do not put my personal information out there, in general, because my husband is the paranoid type.  He is actually offended that I have pictures of him and my daughter on Facebook, although I have told him that the pictures are not accessible to anyone other than who I have selected.  I don't use Twitter, and I rarely update my Facebook status. 

I am a little more concerned about my public information than most people, because in my job, I have to testify in criminal trials.  However, my name is so common that it would be pretty difficult to track me down.

loribeth 5 pts

I keep my cellphone turned off most of the time, only just started using Facebook around Christmastime & don't Twitter. (Yet?) I don't understand the need to be constantly connected (not to mention why you must subject other people on the 6:30 a.m. train into the city to your longwinded conversations about last night's date, tonight's dinner choices, etc. etc....). Can you tell I'm in my late 40s & didn't grow up with this stuff?? ; )  (Your description of your college days sound much like mine, Melissa.)

I do try to be very careful about how much personal information I put out there (which is one reason I resisted using FB for so long). Yet stuff does inadvertently slip out from time to time.  Thanks for the reminder for caution.

Melissa Ford 5 pts

That's a big reason why I don't like cell phone calls too.  It usually controls where I can walk because I don't want the call dropped.  And I'm just not a phone person.  I'm better at home, but to me, talking on the phone is an activity you set aside time to do, not combine it with other things.

It's scary just how traceable a person becomes online.  Luckily, a porn star shares my name, so it takes a long time on Google to sift through her entries to get to me :-)

Thanks for the heads up--I just changed the link.

Melissa writes Stirrup Queens ( http://stirrup-queens.com ) and Lost and Found ( http://lostandfoundandconnectionsabound.blogspot.c... ). Her book is Navigating the Land of If ( http://thelandofif.blogspot.com/ ).

Melissa Ford 5 pts

Aaah, a woman after my own heart in wanting to be unreachable. 

My feeling is that someone determined, with a lot of time on their hands, usually can break through the identity on an anonymous blogger.  But like you say, who really cares that much even if they could do it?

Melissa writes Stirrup Queens ( http://stirrup-queens.com ) and Lost and Found ( http://lostandfoundandconnectionsabound.blogspot.c... ). Her book is Navigating the Land of If ( http://thelandofif.blogspot.com/ ).

landismom 5 pts

I still have my sparkleprincess identity in landismom, who is not very connected to my real life. I think someone who really wanted to figure out who I am could do so without too much difficulty, but I don't think that anyone cares that much.

I do check in to places on Gowalla with my real name, but I rarely post it to twitter--not because I'm worried about security, more because I don't always want people to know where I am ;).

Landismom blogs at Bumblebee Sweet Potato.

Melissa Ford 5 pts

Perhaps I'm your doppelganger.  Or is your doppelganger supposed to be the opposite of yourself?

Melissa writes Stirrup Queens ( http://stirrup-queens.com ) and Lost and Found ( http://lostandfoundandconnectionsabound.blogspot.c... ). Her book is Navigating the Land of If ( http://thelandofif.blogspot.com/ ).

sewmanybooks.blogspot.com 5 pts

I seriously wondered if someone had hacked into my upcoming blog posts...this article is me. I have a cell phone so I can reach people. I am a hermit-y type too, yet here I am blogging, however, you will see that I don't blog about the furture....I blog about what I've learned from the past. Great commentary!