Please Sleep

Z has taken up a new hobby.

She likes to get up as early as possible, say, oh, 4:30 AM. She doesn't wake us up like she used to. No, now she gets up, goes to the only TV in the house, turns on the Playstation, logs in to Netflix and watches shows that she is not allowed to watch.

Shows like Family Guy, American Dad, Futurama, and, recently, Ren & Stimpy.

When I realize that I am hearing the TV in my sleep, I wake up, stumble to the living room without the aid of glasses and contacts, hoping that the cat has stepped on the remote again. Instead, I find my 3 year old, parked in the center of the floor, staring at the TV.

"Dad, do you want me to get herpes?" I hear the child on the TV whine.

"Well, I at least want you to try son." his father replies. Huh?

I don't even know what she is watching because I cannot see it, I just know that it is wrong. She has not even noticed that I am in the room yet.

"Z, what are you watching?" Her body jumps and her head turns almost 180 degrees as she fumbles for the controller to turn off the show. She begins to stutter an explanation, an excuse, anything. I turn off the show and then she asks for Dragon Land or another kid approved program.

Are you aware that 4:30 AM is one of the most God awful hours of the day?

And that my kid NEVER stops talking? I mean, never? From the moment she knows that she has company it is a non-stop narrative of everything she has ever done, is ever going to do, is doing?

And did you know that after I leave for work, three hours later, this kid goes back to sleep? And sleeps until like 11 AM?

And that she refuses to go to bed until 11:30 PM each night?

I appreciate that she misses me throughout the day and that the Hubs is not really that great at entertaining her, but dude, I need some sleep. I need rest. I need moments that I am not accompanied by a constant, high pitched narrative.

Is that so much to ask for?


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