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If ever a television show focused on bathroom behavior in the workplace, it was the finally-on-DVD Ally McBeal whose unisex bathroom served as both a pivotal plot device and symbol for the sexually charged nature of the law firm's work environment.
In the early days of the show, the unisex bathroom received a great deal of analysis. Pity that blogging was not active in those days because we would have a treasure trove of commentary on the significance, reality, and the improbability of a unisex bathroom being installed in an office near you.
Even without having to deal with the unisex version, the office bathroom is one place many women try to avoid. Some at all costs. According to the Social Anxiety To Social Confidence Blog shy bladder syndrome afflicts as many men as women. It's just that more men tend to seek out help to resolve the issue.
While that may be true, at least from outward appearances, more men in the workplace have fewer bathroom issues then women. As I wrote for a piece in my newspaper column and then on my blog in 2004,
Nowhere are the differences between men and women more evident in the workplace than in their attitudes toward taking a "bio- break." A male worker will fold a newspaper under his armpit, announce to anyone within earshot that he's going down the hall, and then strut down the walkway like a matador going into the ring to conquer the bull. Twenty minutes later, he will re-emerge, victorious.
You'll never see a woman with a folded newspaper under her arm. In fact, as far as most women are concerned, they'd just as soon you think that they never need to take a bio-break - of any kind.
Women, and I'm deliberately stereotyping here, are not that comfortable sharing the noises and smells of bodily functions with co-workers, peers, direct reports, clients and senior managers. Most of us grew up with the concept that going to the bathroom is a private affair, that's why you close the door.
Our conflict with using the bathroom facilities at work go behind our need for privacy. It has a lot to do with image control. When someone has a fear of public speaking, they are often advised to imagine people in the audience naked. There are few more naked moments in a person's life than when your body is eliminating wastes. It's noisy. It can be smelly, and that smell can make everyone in the room gag. Knowing your boss/co-worker/peer has shared your bodily smells is an image makeover many women prefer to avoid.
Early in my career as a manager I made a huge bathroom faux pas with a direct report that bothers me to this day. I followed her into the bathroom to continue a conversation. I don't know what we were talking about but I was just returning to the office from the bathroom myself when I saw Judy heading my way. We started talking and I assumed that she was just going to the bathroom to pee so I said, "I'll come with you."
I noticed her hesitation but I was too eager to continue the conversation to consider what the hesitation might be. We had both been in the bathroom at the same time previously and my guess is we had had conversations while we had a peeing duet. It never occurred to me that Judy might need to use the office bathroom for anything other than peeing.
Judy didn't need to just pee. She had diarrhea and she needed her privacy. She just didn't know how to tell me to stay out of the bathroom. Thirty some years later I can think of lots of things she should have said like, "my stomach is upset and I need to poop in private."
So there we were, she in the stall with the sounds and smells of explosive diarrhea, and me standing by the mirror thinking how in the world am I going to make this up to her?
It was an absurd situation. Neither of us knew how to extricate ourselves. Instead of apologizing for invading her privacy, I just acted as if nothing odd was going on and I continued the conversation.
When she came out to wash her hands, neither of us acknowledged that it was weird having a business conversation while she was dealing with diarrhea. While I was embarrassed for putting her in that situation, I would have been mortified if I were the person
